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Thread: Is it normal : class meeting about absent classmate

  1. #1
    Member KootenayBoy's Avatar
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    Is it normal : class meeting about absent classmate

    Teacher holding a class meeting about a single student in his absence.

    Im struggling with this and was hoping to get some other parents opinions, First off Im honest and not a my kid is perfect kinda dad so what Im saying is as close to a objective view as I consider possible.

    Ive been having some issues with my sons middle school its not the regular type canadian school its a newish offshoot that follows slightly different guidelines and beliefs its credo in part is to encourage self esteem and self confidence. Mostly alternative type families art therapy, express your feelings alternative types some have also said a lot of helicopter parents but I try not to judge so Im not really sure.

    My son went from homeschooled all his life into the Wildflower program because I thought it would be an easier transition than just dropping him straight into public middle school and while our beliefs line up in many ways it turns out in at least one area it may be considered by others as a form of satanism, and that is my sons into boxing he competes and is really good (not just a dad bragging lol)

    as the year has gone along its seeming to me that he gets singled out a lot and whle he has some issues my boy is far from a bad kid at first I thought it was just adjusting to the school and was always on him explaining rules and how he should act I was only looking at it from a school standpoint not actually believing that maybe they are actually singling him out as no where and I mean No where in any other area of his life be it cadets or boxing class SPCA clubs, home, hanging at friends does he get in the type of trouble he has at school no one speaks ill of him (save one aunt who just needs her kids to be better than everyone etc)

    Ok so now the problem: He got suspended and I was not at all happy I laid into him over it and it was during this that a mental shift happens within me and I started to put the puzzle together and a very different picture emerged than the one I had in my mind before hand.

    He got suspended because another boy grabbed him and pushed him up against a wall by his shirt, possible over a keep away game, which while maybe ill advised is not a reason to assault someone the end result was my son hauled off the the principals office and the next morning about 30 minutes before the start of school over the phone told not to come in. Ok suspended not good but not the end of the world we can learn and change behaviour, the next day he stayed home as well as Id assumed he would not be suspended one day then go back then off for the weekend, it was not until after school started I was called and told he was to be there but by then it was too late the day before was so hard emotionally on him he couldn't sleep and it would have been hell to get him off to school.

    NOW here's the root of my issue:

    During this day off his teacher held a meeting with his classmates who was in attendance is a conflicting story the teacher in a one sentence email stated it was "his friends" while the friends who told my son later in the day say it was the whole class. Anyway they held this meeting to discuss my son while he was not there, and as it was relayed to my boy through his friends they discussed among other things hes "anger issues" and "fighting everyone" these two points were not made by everyone but mostly one or two boys who he does not get along with.

    Now my sons not a bully its the opposite nor is he a brawler in fact as part of his contract to be on the team its an immediate removal from the team and gym etc and because its his passion its something he does not want to loose he is the kind of kid who if he thinks someone is missing out on something he will give them his, if your cold he gives you his jacket if someone is being mistreated he steps in,

    Ive seen him in home mode around his family as well as how he acts when he thinks no parents or such are around Ive listened to him talk with friends when he thinks its just them Im aware of the difference and while I dont like how he acts at these times I KNOW he is not a bad kid because even at these times he is still holding to his core beliefs just with more profanity and the odd rude joke. not a bully or brawler.

    So these comments b the other boy are not who my son is, but from a standpoint of people who consider boxing as a angry or blood sport I can see how they may paint anyone involved in it with that brush.

    so is it considered normal to hold meetings about children who are not present in middle school and discuss them? to me it seems like a huge betrayal and it would not matter if the intentions were good the subject of that meeting would feel ostracized and singled out. Its hard enough being 13 without having everyone sit around and talk about you behind your back led by a teacher you liked and trusted.

    It makes me angry because I see how much it hurt him and how he went from a blank slate school wise getting up super early and loving school to never ever wanting to go back. Ive never heard of such a thing but maybe its normal and Im just out of touch with the new way of doing things. In my day at school Id have been mortified if this happened I mean it was bad enough having it happen in different circles let alone the entire class led by a teacher, compounded by what you consider an unjust suspension.

    Id love to hear opinions..

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    This sounds like an episode of Northern Rescue!

    If you're upset about the meeting then why not take it up with the principal?
    Have you talked to his teachers and/or his principal at all? Perhaps you should and find out what is going on with your son and if they are seeing behaviours that you are not, and if so get to the bottom of what's actually going on from someone other than your son. Sometimes we just don't see the same behavior out of our kids when they are at home and not being stressed or challenged in any way.

    I think that if he's not happy at the school you've put him in then maybe a regular public school would be a better choice for him?

    BTW: Another question: Was the other boy suspended as well?

  3. #3
    Member KootenayBoy's Avatar
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    No the other boy was not, nor was anyone punished when they went into hid bag and stabbed a pen through his cellphone camera, or when during a basketball practice picked him up and threw him on the ground.

    I'm aware the difference in behaviour but as a parent I'm sure you know the difference in your child the difference in tears and crying between an I got caught and genuine feelings of being wrongly accused like a scared cry vs a genuine I'm hurt cry.

    I have tried the teachers then the principal but the principal ignored me would not even return my sons mother's phone calls

    This all came on the heels of other other issues. I'd actually contacted the parents advocate just before because I was so exasperated with not getting anywhere.

    But ultimately that's mute my real question was about holding a class meeting about a absent classmate.

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Never heard of such a thing. Sounds bizarre and ultimately painful for your child.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Take him out of that school if its that one sided and the principal won't even talk to you then you owe it to your son to get him out of there.
    ... and no, I've never heard of it either. Nor have I heard of a child being suspended over the phone without a discussion with parents... in person in the principals office where mom, dad, child and principal are face to face.

  7. #6
    Member KootenayBoy's Avatar
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    Sigh that's what I was afraid of he has been begging to get out.

    The principal called once for a meeting I jumped at it we got there and he told me to wait in the hall and just met with my son

    I've been playing telephone tag for two days with him even if I miss the call by 1 to two minutes I won't hear back until the next day.

    I detest conflict I'm not good at it at all so this kinda things really difficult if it was not my son I'd just ignore it and take it.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    I'd be there and I'd not have let him speak to my son without me present. Everyone deserves representation when being "tried" for something. Can you contact the School Board and discuss whats been going on and take a stance that you don't think your son is the epitome of virtue but you're not seeing the same behaviour at home and you would like to discuss what he's being accused of in person.

    You will want to get your son the professional help he needs if he's actually having an anger issue and you'll certainly want any bullying that may be having a blind eye turned to it stopped.

  9. #8
    Member KootenayBoy's Avatar
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    That's the process I'm in right now with the advocate and jumping the hoops. And I was bullied brutally a a kid, and would not wish that on anyone, so it's always been taught to him.

    And he is not an angry kid I find that the most ludicrise accusation of all I live with him and am the disciplinarian I've seen him loose it and its rare.

    I suspect it's more that the idea of anger is different, I raise my voice etc as where most parents of this school don't believe in that kind of thing. At the open house for the school before it opened their kids are running through the isles grabbing everything throwing them around etc

    We sat listening to the administration giving their speaches etc I should have registered right there.

    They were supposed to have been giving him access to the counselor after the issues with a teacher a couple months ago, never happened guess this is not the right school for him.

    Fighting with them will just be draining and pointless, and probably just make his life worse after the last time I complained is when all of a sudden he was a problem. Until then only good reviews.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It would be an investment in your son's education, emotional and social well being, personal growth, being well rounded, etc to find a decent private school that is not this trendy and weird. Also consider the hormones.

    You may undo some of the damage and help him with adjusting by getting some sessions with a child psychologist. You could get some tips on what he's going through and his social adjustment difficulties after homeschooling. He suddenly has to deal with all sorts of kids, adults, situations, interpersonal dynamics all at a time when his mind and body are being bombarded with new feelings and surging hormones.

    A psychologist may help him with insight and coping tips. He can talk to a trusted adult about his problems in a way that is unbiased and does not involve school politics. You as well can confer with the psychologist to improve communication and understanding with him.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    For the meantime, while you and his mother decide what to do, keep a close eye on him and talk to him, include him in a decision and ask him what he prefers, what's been going on, rekindle his interests in learning. All these people are around him talking about him including you. Talk directly to your son.

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