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Thread: Hurting

  1. #1
    Slapnuts's Avatar
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    Hurting

    Hi.
    I hate coming here . if I am here my life sucks
    Almost a year ago I met a women online dating site from another country. Reasons why Because I will relocate to be with whom I desire because I was not having luck with american women.

    Everything was perfect a few small numbs but better then I imagined. I found my last love . we had not spent a lot of time togather only a month in 6 months but we video chat every day we texted every 2 or 3 hours.
    It helps trust me.
    We had a plan . the plan was to work towards being together and get married. There was nothing stopping what we both wanted. . she started to get anxious about our time table . she started to pressure me about when I would move so she could come here. She's from Colombia south America. She's a journalist . as much as we missed each other i still needed to save more money and find an apartment. This plan takes time. She lost her job in November. I sent her money to survive. I loved to help her. I paid our trip to meet in Florida this past December. I gave her a pre engagement ring . She said yes. Our plans my commitment still moving foward.

    Early January another bout of her anxiety . she said she needed to be with me. She was sad and lonely. Again I am not rich. I felt helpless she made me feel helpless. A day later she apologize.

    At the end of January tention builds from both of us. We have a disagreement it turns into a texting argument. She said things that upset me I said things I didn't mean. But unlike past disagreements or arguments this one is different everything changed with her. She told me she was devastated by my words she refused to admit any wrong doing. It was I hurt her and that's it. I apologize and think this will only make us stronger like past arguments. No such luck. After 3 weeks she's still telling me I hurt her and she no longer has faith in our plan or relationship .i am of course now devastated and wondering how it all went wrong.
    I convinced her to video chat and we did but it did not help she could barely look at me. I could see in her eyes the pain and anger. Our last video chat she even had an attitude criticized my haircut. I begged her to fight for our relationship. Pleaded my case . all she said was i was the best boyfriend she has ever had but she is going to walk away.

    So I'm like how does this make any sense? I never cheated was abusive gave her money my time my love plans for a future togather. happened? I did send her a few emails but her replys where short unemotional. And no she was not seeing someone else I asked her. She replied that I was her best last chance for love and she will probably be alone for a long time. So I am forced to move on and trying real hard not to beat myself up. Thoughts?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Sorry you're hurting. What did you say to her that she was so hurt by?

  3. #3
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    I don't think your plan of looking for foreign women is wise, OP.

    You are putting yourself in the headlights of women seeking a better life in a developed country, with you acting as a conduit. If they realize the conduit isn't as well-oiled as they thought, they will bail. Love is not the primary motivating factor for many on these international dating sites.

    It is thus just not smart to plan to marry someone you barely know, under these circumstances in particular. You have romantic intentions, but the risk is high that the women who contact you don't. Not really, anyway. It then follows that it's easy for them to cut you off when things don't progress quickly. They don't have the same emotional attachment to this plan as you do.

    How old are you, if I may ask?

  4. #4
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    I don't understand this idea of intentionally looking for love in another country. Women in other countries are not THAT different from each other. Women are women, with different personalities. And dating styles, communication styles may be different at first because of cultural differences: AT FIRST. But when you get past that you have an individual person who is just as unique as any woman anywhere. You're not any more likely to be compatible long-term with someone this way. It's a crap-shoot no matter where you look. But what you are more likely to deal with, when you date only women from other cultures, is more hurt and delayed pain because of the initial distraction of cultural differences, which only serve to disguise and mask the incompatibility. What you may want to chalk up to a language barrier or cultural differences could actually be clashing personalities but you can't tell because you're so distracted by the accent, the mystery, etc. You don't get down to the real person until you're already invested, emotionally and it looks like, financially. (Not to mention that you set yourself up for opportunistic individuals who will want to use you for money and a green card.) I get that the heart wants what the heart wants, and you can't choose who you love, but why choose to start off so vulnerable with so many odds stacked against you?

    I will especially never understand this coming from Americans. Sure, maybe if you came from a really small, isolated country that has a very specific culture. But you live in America for crying out loud. Women in Brooklyn, New York are going to be just as different from women in Mobile, Alabama as they would be from women in another country. You can find so much variety of personality, culture, traditions, values, in the United States, and save yourself all this grief. Date local, it's good for the economy: your economy, that is.

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  6. #5
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    You were being used for what money that you have. It wasn't love. It's no the most common scam, but it is a known scam.

  7. #6
    Slapnuts's Avatar
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    53 years old

  8. #7
    Slapnuts's Avatar
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    Have you any experience with dating foreign women?

  9. #8
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    I told her why should I continue this relationship ? I told her I should find a more patient women . someone who inspires me someone who speaks better English who does not imply i create a less important argument. I really unloaded on her. But I did not mean what I said. I was angry.

  10. #9
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    I am a wildlife photographer. Colombia is a great place to visit and have a relaxing time. Why not date a local and move there?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    It's just part of the con so you feel a sense of urgency to give her what she wants.

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