My feeling for my ex are too strong - cant cope!

In short my ex left me to go back to her ex. Weve been split for close to 4 months now, and im seriously starting to struggle.

I really thought our relationship was fantastic and we both had so much in common. We were together for about 9 months. I no that some people may see that as a short relationship and that im being dramatic. But she had such a positive impact on my life and really made me feel like i was her world, and she new that she was mine.

Everything about us was great. Our friendship, the social side of everything, the intimacy and how much we supported eachother. There was no build up to the break up, it just happened. I mean 10 minutes before she broke with me we were the same really close couple watching the tv together.

She said that she still has love for her ex, and no matter how nasty he was or how hard he tried to make things for her she still had love for him. She has 2 kids with her ex and they were together for a considerable amount of time. I fully respected the scale of her previous relationship and didnt rush into anything. As we got closer i did express my concern that i was getting really attached to her bit wasnt sure how she felt towards her ex. Ultimately i was worried that down the line i would be in a position im in now. However she made it very clear that she was happy and 100% sure that she wanted to be with me

And that she 100% sure shes not going back due to how she was made to feel by her ex. I also have a 3 year old son so a new relationship is a big deal as im bringing someone into my sons life, and i wouldnt do that unless i was sure!

I also had a lot of reassurance from how we lived our lives together, we were always planning things and really beginning to set a strong foundation for our relationship. I was so happy and looking forward to everything!

Im really struggling with how different everything is. We were always in contact when at work and what not and did so much together. I cant cope with how cold she feels toward me now when iv done nothing wrong. Whats also hard is we work in the same building, so i see her and have to fight back the tears as i feel so attached to her still. I dont contact her as i despite how i feel i care immensely for her and dont want to be a problem for her. But i simply cant get her out of my mind.

Iv really tried to move on and accept everything but i really feel like iv lost something really special to me and i don’t understand how its gone from being amazing to nothing very quickly. A big part of my confusion is that i feel that i dont mean anything to her, which is immensely hard to think as she still feel so much for her.

Any advice on how to move forward would be greatly appreciated!

One day at a time.

How long were they split up before you got together? I see that they are still married.

You never had a chance and were a rebound. In the future, do not get involved with people who are married, and have not had a sufficient amount of time to process the break.

Perhaps, you should consider counseling.

This happened to me many years ago. She left me for her ex. 5 months later, she came crawling back to me and begging for another chance.

I forgave her and accepted her back into my life. We spent the next 6 years very happy, had a kid together, got married, bought a house.

Not long ago.. a little over a month, she left me again for someone else.

I love my child, but I truly do regret giving her a second chance.

I hope this puts things into some perspective. I was devastated for months the first time and got over it, but this time it is soo much worse.

Be thankful it ended now and don't take her back. My opinion may be biased, but it's real. Hopefully it'll give some insight on how things can be worse.

I know how you feel because I was in a very similar situation as you. It hurts bad to be the one dumped after a loving and happy relationship like that.

Mine ended a little over a year ago after about 7 months together. I was heart broken, depressed, and felt like a huge part of me was gone. I had to go through the complete grieving process, including anger, to heal and forgive. You will too. It took me almost a year to feel "normal" again.

I still see her from time to time at work and it's hard to not reach out because my feelings for her are still alive and strong. She has told me she still thinks of me often and I'm sure your ex does too. Romantic feelings just don't vanish even though it appears she feels nothing.

Hang in there and it will get easier with time and patience.

Here's a good video about why they go from loving to seemingly cold:

Nobody who's rebounding can ever assure you that they aren't rebounding. The only tools you have to recognize it are 1) the calendar and how much time they've had to stabilize after their breakup, and 2) how much stability they've actually achieved on their own after their breakup.

So how long after her breakup did the two of you start seeing one another?