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Thread: Update

  1. #1
    Member
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    Update

    Hi guys,
    After everything I been through I feel a little better about myself and the whole situation. I currently enrolled into school and trying to find jobs in that career. Iím enjoying my life as itís suppose to be. The only thing that bothers me is that to this day I have mixed of emotions. Like two weeks ago I seen my ex because we have a court situation to settle not between us but someone else. It had been months that I havenít talked to seen him and when he walked through the door I felt so much anger towards him and I also noticed I havenít lost feelings!! We donít have contact what so ever! I blocked him everywhere possible. Is that I donít want to let go of what we used to have? I noticed that he was really not looking at me just like trying to avoid looking at my eyes and also was turning fully red. Maybe Iím like over thinking it but I have tried to get over him every possible way but I canít and I know is a process. I know Iím only hurting myself but I canít help repeating everything that happened. How could he leave me for Someone that already was married and had two kids. Maybe forgiving him may work but is just hard to do. Is so hard loving a person that has caused so much damaged in your life.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    First setaback it happens so donít beat yourself up. Setbacks hurt, it doesnít mean you have to forgive him or be with him, it also doesnít mean youíre forever not over him. If youíve been NC and you e been ok this whole time. Accept these feelings let them pass and get back on that road to recovery. The less exposure to him the better. Hopefully this was your last interaction.

  3. #3
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The short story is that your life or your outlook won't change magically. At this point, after how long it's been, I think you're in a habit of growing that negativity and focusing too much on one part of your life. The danger in that is that you are not growing/stagnating. There's nothing to feel ashamed or embarrassed about the way that you feel but at some point, you'll start to notice your friends and family fall away from you because of your choices and the way that you are choosing to focus on your failures (failed past relationship). You might miss good opportunities for growth, for a new relationship, for work, for friendships and anything life has in store for you. Stop catering to that negativity and hoping that it will go away on its own. If you feel yourself slipping into negativity, change your thoughts and start processing events, ideas and thoughts in a different light.

    Let what happened in the court room and seeing your ex again stay in the court room and accept that everyone is human including you. You're allowed to feel a bit odd about seeing him again. Brush it off and move forwards. Stop dwelling on it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jasmin1213
    Is that I donít want to let go of what we used to have?
    Naaah, you've just had your unhealed places triggered by exposure to the guy, and that's natural.

    Originally Posted by Jasmin1213
    Maybe forgiving him may work but is just hard to do.
    Premature forgiveness isn't really a workable goal. All the hype about forgiveness originally targeted people who carry a long term grudge rather than those who are still moving through a grieving process. Anger is a natural stage of that process, so don't beat yourself up with a belief that it somehow makes you wrong or bad.

    The first year after a significant breakup is one of reclaiming your own milestones--holidays, birthdays, territory in shared places, sorting out friendships and learning who matters to you and who doesn't. There will be times when you can feel positive acceleration and other times that feel like a backslide into your earlier stages of grief.

    No progress you've made is ever lost--it can just feel that way. Read up on the 5 stages of grief and understand that these are not neat and linear progressions, but rather cycles of revisiting stuff until you've worked through it.

    Forgiveness can be too lofty a goal until you've reached high enough ground for your perceptions to feel 'neutralized'. This doesn't happen according to some arbitrary calendar, and you're not 'wrong' or unhealthy if you simply grow beyond any need to forgive. Not every recognition of mistreatment holds enough of a charge to hold us back in the future. Sometimes these are just learning experiences that don't require us to remain invested enough to forgive.

    Head high, and congrAts on school and the progress you've made.

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