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Thread: How do I forgive myself?

  1. #1

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    How do I forgive myself?

    It's been four months now that my boyfriend of almost 4 years left me for someone else and I feel so sad and guilty and I keep crying everyday that I was the one that made him leave. He has his faults too though but he loves me and I can't just believe that he moved on just immediately after breaking up with me. We both agreed not to have sex until marriage but on so many occasions, he kept doing all the stuffs that could lead to sex and I was not comfortable with it so we fought about this on so many occasions. Now I feel guilty that I couldn't love him more and didn't give in to his request. He was my first love and it feels like I will never love again ,It feels like there is no one else that will love me as much as he did. I have begged him several times but he blocked off my contact and deleted me even on social media. I am so sad and find it hard to concentrate and I have my final exam in two weeks time.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Holuh
    We both agreed not to have sex until marriage but on so many occasions, he kept doing all the stuffs that could lead to sex and I was not comfortable with it so we fought about this on so many occasions.
    - what do you mean? You would not kiss and hug?

    Sorry about the breakup.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You did nothing wrong and din't "make him leave". You were fighting, incompatible and he did not have the same boundaries values or goals as you have. He was simply not on board with an asexual relationship, no matter what you agreed on at first.

    Never get coerced into sex if it's not what you want. Learn to identify manipulation and incompatibilities early on. Leave him alone. You should delete and block him from all social media and messaging apps. Ask your parents to take you to a therapist to help you deal with things and refocus on what is important.
    Originally Posted by Holuh
    he moved on just immediately after breaking up with me. We both agreed not to have sex until marriage but on so many occasions, he kept doing all the stuffs that could lead to sex and I was not comfortable with it so we fought about this on so many occasions. I have begged him several times but he blocked off my contact and deleted me even on social media.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    I second Wiseman2 comment.
    Sorry to hear that you are going through a breakup.
    Not everyone is going to match your morals. Stick to your guns and don't let anyone bully you otherwise.

    Keep your head up...you sound on the younger end of the dating world....will find another boy who will respect your decisions.

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  6. #5
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    Nothing to forgive. You stuck by your convictions, and that is amazing. Continue being who you are, and with your boundaries in place. He was not the right guy.

    Never, ever beg anyone to be with you.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-15-2019 at 02:15 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Wait.

    Are you A sexual or are you waiting for marriage?

    If itís the first one itís was an incompatibility and it would have only been a matter of time until someone broke so donít beat yourself up

    If itís the second one, be proud. You stuck to your beliefs and boundaries, he failed you if agreed upon, not the other way around.

    One day at a time. I understand that overwhelming feeling of regret, worst feeling in the world but this wasnít all on you. Forgive yourself.

  8. #7
    Hello Holuh,
    Am sorry to hear about your breakup. I know this is difficult time. I pray that God give you the strength to go through this time. When someone truly loves you the person will stick with you at all times. Why would he leave you just because he couldnít have sex with you. Was sex the only thing that he loved and wanted from you? Why didnít he stay with you because of other things he loved about you? If those things were not enough then sex wont be enough for him. If someone is with you because of sex then the foundation of the love is weak for marriage. If he loved you that much he would have stayed so please donít blame yourself for him leaving. He left because he chose to. If your love and commitment wasnít enough for him then nothing you will sacrifices for him will be enough. You did the right thing for sticking to what you agreed on with him. Sex is never equal to love. It looks like he wanted sex from you more than you as a person. I support you totally for sticking to what you believe in. If a man is not willing to make you his wife then he doesnít deserve sleeping with you. This shows his commitment level to you and how easily he will let you go when other challenge comes. A man who love you for who you are and respect you and your believes will come by. Surely some one will come your way and you will find love again. Its may take a while but believe and know that you deserve better. You deserve a man who will love YOU as a person. Even just a good friend shouldnít block you from contacting you when there is a misunderstanding. I pray God give you the peace to concentrate on your studies. Time will heal. Just take one day at a time.


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