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Thread: How to reply to this email?

  1. #1
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    How to reply to this email?

    I've posted about this friend before. Childhoold friend, we had lost touch for 30 years, reconnected last summer and she had been acting in a strange way (cancelling plans at the last minute, not returning phonecalls but acting as if everything was fine the next time we talked).

    My last post about her was in January. This part is the important one.

    We agreed on Saturday afternoon and we would go eat something after the movie. She did say something like ''but remind me about it because you know what I'm like''. I said look, are we going or not? We can do it another time if you're not sure you can make it. She insisted that of course we were going. I said ok, I'll call you Saturday morning to fix the time.

    So, I called her at home Saturday morning. Nothing. I tried her cell phone. She didn't pick up. So, I sent her a text message saying I can't reach you, call me when you can. Well, she never replied, never called and we never met
    .

    So, she reappears today. 2 months later. With this email:

    Hey Eliza, where have you been? If I don't contact you first, you forget about me. Would you like to go to so and so club tomorrow? The owners are friends of mine.

    I definitely don't want to go to that club or anywhere with her after the way she's treated me but I, also, don't want her to think she can behave the way she did and then turn around and say I'm the one who's disappeaered.

    How would you reply?

  2. #2
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    What is your goal? Do you want to end the friendship? Or do you want to continue but have her know that there are reasons that you havenít reached out?

    This person is flakey. Are you prepared to accept the flakey? Donít expect this to change in any way.

  3. #3
    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    What is your goal? Do you want to end the friendship? Or do you want to continue but have her know that there are reasons that you havenít reached out?

    This person is flakey. Are you prepared to accept the flakey? Donít expect this to change in any way.
    I don't want a friendship with her. Exactly because she's so flakey.

    But, on the other hand, since we've reconnected, we've met with other old friends, too, and we'll all be vacationing at the same place this summer, (not in the same house but it's a small place and we'll be meeting each other all the time) so, I'm trying to find a way to phrase the email in a polite way.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I don't want a friendship with her. Exactly because she's so flakey.

    But, on the other hand, since we've reconnected, we've met with other old friends, too, and we'll all be vacationing at the same place this summer, (not in the same house but it's a small place and we'll be meeting each other all the time) so, I'm trying to find a way to phrase the email in a polite way.
    Ah, ok. You want to get your message across without burning bridges. Got it.

    So - in your shoes, I would use mildly passive-aggressive humor.

    ďWhat? Lol! I contact you sometimes... but you totally flaked on the movie! Lol!

    Anyways - thank you for the invite but unfortunately Iím busy tomorrow night. Maybe another timeĒ

    ... and then just keep being ďbusyĒ/ donít contact her first.

    If she hasnít contacted you in 2 months, she doesnít sound clingy at least. A bit of ďbusy-nessĒ should do it.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I would let it go and stop the mail exchanges. I don't like flakey/ not respectful of my time.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Hey Eliza, where have you been? If I don't contact you first, you forget about me. Would you like to go to so and so club tomorrow? The owners are friends of mine.
    "No, I don't think I'm the one doing the forgetting. You blew me off when we last made plans, and while I adore you, that's not something I'll set myself up for again. I hope you have a great time at the club."

    If she replies trying to write it off as nothing, I'd say, "Thanks for thinking of me, but no thanks. You can let me know if you're ever done with the flake routine and are sincerely sorry for how you treated me. Otherwise, I will always wish the best for you, but I'll love you from far away."

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    She doesn't seem to care about what you'll think of her with her dig to you, so I'm assuming her skin is thick enough to handle a bit of pushback. Since that's the case, you can be honest and it shouldn't be too awkward when you see her in the summer. If it were me, I'd probably call her, but regardless if you call or e-mail, I'd say: I think it's unfair to say I forget about you. We made firm plans for a movie and in this day and age with cell phone calendar reminders or paper calendars where you keep track of a busy life, there's no excuse for forgetting a get-together. Since my time wasn't valued, without an explanation or apology, I assumed our friendship wasn't valued either. (I wouldn't even give her any answer to her invite and leave it at that. Good luck.)

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    I wouldn't respond. Delete.

  10. #9
    Silver Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I don't want a friendship with her. Exactly because she's so flakey.

    But, on the other hand, since we've reconnected, we've met with other old friends, too, and we'll all be vacationing at the same place this summer, (not in the same house but it's a small place and we'll be meeting each other all the time) so, I'm trying to find a way to phrase the email in a polite way.
    What are the chances that she'll actually show up at the vacation place? She doesn't sound like someone I would bank on to come up with her share of the rent.

  11. #10
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Just flake on her like she did you. It is what it is...we grow out of our friends throughout our lives. Just fade away, stop replying to her.

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