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Thread: Constant cycle of him breaking my trust

  1. #21
    Platinum Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I see this more as not being compatible. I see the BF's point of view, and I also see the OP's.

    I used to be in OP's situation and I hated it. I don't feel my ex was a dishonest person really. I just think we were better off apart, like that was a symptom of bigger things that we saw differently. Was it any of my business if he watched porn? No, not really. Just being honest. Now, with my current husband, I wouldn't care if he watched porn because he has never given me anything to be insecure about. This is why I think it's more a matter of not being compatible.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. You are treating him like an appalled uptight mommy who found her 13 y/o boy masturbating and wants to chide him for having sexuality. You are too joined at the hip. This lack of adult autonomy is a relationship/romance killer. Maybe he goes off to masturbate to get away from you and relieve the stress you create with immature expectations.
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You are going to 'parent' this guy right out of your life.

  3. #23
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    It's just porn, chill. 95% of guys and lots of girls watch it. It's normal and healthy.

    This controlling behaviour seems unbearable. Loosen up or just end it.

  4. #24
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    I think both of you are in the wrong to be honest. You said at the start you were okay with him looking at porn, then you weren't. He probably went a long with it because he didn't feel comfortable telling you no, which is not okay, but I get it. You said you cried to him over it and that just reinforces that his habbit makes you upset and that he needs to hide it. As a woman, I feel porn is a very normal thing. I bust my boyfriends balls over his porn whenever he accidentally leaves it open (Like asking him "so did you enjoy those creampies last night?" Or something to that degree.) But that being said, not everyone is comfortable with porn in their relationship and thats okay.

    As long as both parties are on the same page. Which you both clearly are not. I'll be honest here, you have absolutely zero right to tell him what he can and can not do, only what you are comfortable with him doing and it's his choice what he does with that information. I can't tell without actually talking to the guy, but it sounds like he enjoys porn every now and again (it spices things up, and sometimes sex is just a chore. Masturbation is extremely healthy too.) but he also cares about you and wants to hold up to your expectations. What I personally would do is try and have a calm sit down, tell him you're not comfortable with porn, but you need to know his true stance in it so you both can work towards a solution. How does he feel about you watching porn (for arguements sake, say you do partake) and if he jealous over the idea, then that's double standards and has no place in a relationship. If he says he's okay with it, then he simply has different views than you on pornography in a relationship and you, in turn, will have to consider if that's something you can learn to live with (provided he's honest about it. Lying shouldn't be tolerated) or if you need to find someone else with similar values.

    Edit: Also, you shouldn't expect him to tell you every single time he goes off to enjoy porn. If he WANTS to tell you, okay, but otherwise you need to respect his boundaries. Even the closest relationships need a little bit of privacy.

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  6. #25
    I have to say that it seems he was pretty up front from the beginning that he likes to watch porn. Everyone has different sexual needs, and this seems to be his. It's simple in my mind, except him for who he is, flaws and all, or move on. If you want to make a lasting relationship you have to decide not only if you can put up with these "flaws", but also embrace it as part of who he is and how it's going to be. You can't make a person change. At least he seems to respect your feelings enough to look at it when you are not present. It's the little gestures that make all the difference sometimes.

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