Single parents dating

I met this guy online, we both are looking for a relationship, exchanged long, meaningful emails, met 1.5 months ago in person and heat it off.

He is a single father of 2 young kids 5 & 8, (no ex around). Works a lot, travels for work. After our first meeting we planned to meet up but he kept being busy and cancelled, then traveled, kept being busy with work, kids, etc. After a month of texting back and forth and flirting with each other he phoned me one night that he wanted to sneak a kiss as he was in my neighborhood and I agreed. I saw him for 1 hour in his car and we kissed. He tells me he's into me, that he wants more. We have great chemistry and he explained and apologized for how busy he’s been, he said he wants to see me at appropriate hours and get to know me, and thanked me for being patient and understanding. He said I definitely want to see you next week. We have been texting every day as usual. Problem is I feel like he is stringing me along, who goes online dating if there really is not time to date?

I would like to add that I am a single parent my self, he is 43 I am 38, so I understand how being the only person for your kids is. However, knowing that makes me feel like he is just not that into me since he can’t really find time to see me, while I can.

Hmm. I guess I am skeptical but I do wonder if he is still married.

Otherwise, you might try to keep the texting to a minimum in between dates, so you still have stuff to talk about. And tell him that is what you are doing.

I don't feel he's being very honest with you. I'm surprised that you've continued to text or keep in touch. Raise the bar a little.

After a month of texting back and forth and flirting with each other he phoned me one night that he wanted to sneak a kiss as he was in my neighborhood and I agreed. I saw him for 1 hour in his car and we kissed.

The only way you'll know for sure is to never ever again what you did right there ^^^^.

He calls you to "sneak a kiss", and you said.......yes. You went along with it. What incentive are you giving him to see you during regular hours?

He now knows he can call you at the last minute, and you'll sneak into his car and make out for an hour. Which.....eeeww. This isn't high school. You are grown adults, parent of kids.

Next time he wants to "sneak a kiss", you say, "No, but I'd love to see you for an evening....I'm still up for that movie we talked about!" Say it enthusiastically, and see what he does from there. If he hems and haws and says he has to get back to you, then you, my friend, need to Next him so fast.

Thank you! In my gut I knew this.

I have texted him it's OVER I need to move on

Thank you! In my gut I knew this.

 

I have texted him it's OVER I need to move on

OK, not quite the hair-trigger response I was alluding to in my post #4, but it's done now. Now, there will be no way to know if he's simply busy, or whatever.

My guess is he's married or has a steady gf. There's no other valid reason for the strange hours he wants to keep with you. I hope you stick with keeping him blocked, he's bad news.

This is what I texted:

I promised I wouldn't go mute on you.

These past few months of exchanging messages with you were very nice.

A little scary for me at times because after a long time I was able to imagine me opening myself to someone slowly. Maybe I saw something that wasnt there... who knows...regardless, I guess I want to thank you for that. I am a super patient person and I wanted to be understanding of a fellow single parent. However, there doesn't seem to be room for me in your life and that's cool. I wish I could have told you this in person but we don't always get what we want. All the the best .

He responded this:

I appreciate the honesty and you being direct. I hope you find what you're looking for. Good bye. Take care.

You didn't need to say all that, he's a stranger. I would have just said 'Something seems off about all this, I'm not interested in proceeding on. Best of luck.'

That's enough.

Our messages were meaningful to me so yes, I wanted to say that

You met him once and then made out with him for an hour in his car.

Uh.

Is he still married? He seems awfully busy, except to sneak away last minute to kiss in his car for an hour. Do you homework. Google could be your friend here. Also use common sense.

I met this guy online, we both are looking for a relationship, exchanged long, meaningful emails, met 1.5 months ago in person and heat it off.

Works a lot, travels for work. After our first meeting we planned to meet up but he kept being busy and cancelled, then traveled, kept being busy with work, kids, etc.

 

After a month of texting back and forth and flirting with each other he phoned me one night that he wanted to sneak a kiss as he was in my neighborhood and I agreed. I saw him for 1 hour in his car and we kissed.

Hmm. I guess I am skeptical but I do wonder if he is still married.

 

- bingo, he's married.

This is someone else's husband who is bored and using you for a side piece.

Delete, block.

I have been left very disappointed when I have had hopes that I had met someone special and found out that was not the case. :’( I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think rejection is one of the most painful emotions there is. You sound like a very intelligent and caring woman.You are worthy!! of a man who makes time for you during appropriate hours. I will be praying for you this week, for hope and healing. You are not alone.

LHGirl, I appreciate your feedback, however at this point I've been playing this game for a few weeks now and simply busy wasn't that logical. I knew in my heart that something wasn't right.

OK, not quite the hair-trigger response I was alluding to in my post #4, but it's done now. Now, there will be no way to know if he's simply busy, or whatever.

It was more than that Honeycomb8

Snflwrgrl, Thank you for your kind words and prayers and yes, that is exactly how I felt. I thought he was special, we had a lot in common, I just didn't want to invest more emotionally if he wasn't meeting me there. Last night when I received his response I felt hurt, but also relieved that there would not be more expectations on my part that he would make the effort and make time for me. I am free

Snflwrgrl, Thank you for your kind words and prayers and yes, that is exactly how I felt. I thought he was special, we had a lot in common, I just didn't want to invest more emotionally if he wasn't meeting me there. Last night when I received his response I felt hurt, but also relieved that there would not be more expectations on my part that he would make the effort and make time for me. I am free

This is a healthy response. You hoped things would turn out differently but you are accepting that they will not.

The only thing I would caution you about is if you start feeling lonely or "miss" his texts, please do not re-text him telling him you think you were a bit hasty and you'd like to continue. Because the end result would still be the same.

This is a healthy response. You hoped things would turn out differently but you are accepting that they will not.

 

 

The only thing I would caution you about is if you start feeling lonely or "miss" his texts, please do not re-text him telling him you think you were a bit hasty and you'd like to continue. Because the end result would still be the same.

Hahaha! I almost did last night but didnt!!

I hoped his answer would be to ask me to give him a second chance or say something nice back! LOL, but instead thanked me for being honest, so that tells me a lot. This morning I deleted him from my contacts along with his emails, si I don't feel the temptation to reminisce

Thank you boltnrun

I'm late to the party here,

My bet he wanted you on the side of his existing relationship. He's married, common law, or on the outs with his current.

Something doesn't add up....A single parent and with ex out of the picture, with a travel a lot, and quick meeting on HIS schedule.

but I'd say you dodged a huge bullet here. Better earlier than later.

Be open minded with your next dates, but get to know your gut. If something seems fishy, it probably is.

I'm late to the party here,

My bet he wanted you on the side of his existing relationship. He's married, common law, or on the outs with his current.

Something doesn't add up....A single parent and with ex out of the picture, with a travel a lot, and quick meeting on HIS schedule.

 

but I'd say you dodged a huge bullet here. Better earlier than later.

Be open minded with your next dates, but get to know your gut. If something seems fishy, it probably is.

Today, 11:35 AM #23

Betterwithout

Thank you for your feedback. After we met for the first time but couldn't arrange a date for later, a date that he suggested, said he couldn't wait to see me again, that's when the gut feeling started, but I wanted to be open minded and not let this "great guy" go because of my doubts.

Everything he told me after now seems like a line... ew, why are some men like this??...

I am glad to see so many responses all sort of agreeing that I dodged a bullet, I definitely feel better, I feel a little like a dumb girl for falling for it but it will go away soon

Cheers!!

I've done the exact same thing as you. I was head over heels with this guy. I absolutely did not want to deal with young children, and while his were still on the young side, they were old enough to be home alone, self-sufficient, and require a little less constant care. But he was busy. Work and extracurricular activities, every other weekend, time was sparse. Just hang in there, eventually we'll get to a place where we can meet each other's kids. It won't be this busy forever...why let this great guy go? My guy wanted to play the field, I think. He had been divorced for awhile, kids kept him busy, and he decided to get back out there, but due to his busy lifestyle, wasn't really after anything serious; though he did present himself that he was looking for a relationship...men...what can you do?

Anyway, as you have now realized...he managed an hour to make out in the car. Why couldn't he manage an hour for coffee? Two hours? Constantly being busy, travel, etc. I'm always wary of online guys who "travel a lot." A lot of these guys are frauds, married, etc. You met in person, so that's a good thing, but be cautious in these situations.

I get what you did, though. You really liked this guy, so an opportunity to meet, even just a drive-by was something you grasped at...why we do this to ourselves, I will never know, but I would have done the same thing.

You had the same question as I have had a hundred times over -- if they're that busy, why are they getting on a dating app and even trying? Assuming he was genuine, not married, maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe he was hoping for some casual hookups, some sex, casual companionship, but cannot commit to anything...which he could be clear on in the profile, but some of them don't.

He might circle back around. Be strong in your resistance. The second time will not fare better than the first...experience speaking here.

I've done the exact same thing as you. I was head over heels with this guy. I absolutely did not want to deal with young children, and while his were still on the young side, they were old enough to be home alone, self-sufficient, and require a little less constant care. But he was busy. Work and extracurricular activities, every other weekend, time was sparse. Just hang in there, eventually we'll get to a place where we can meet each other's kids. It won't be this busy forever...why let this great guy go? My guy wanted to play the field, I think. He had been divorced for awhile, kids kept him busy, and he decided to get back out there, but due to his busy lifestyle, wasn't really after anything serious; though he did present himself that he was looking for a relationship...men...what can you do?

 

Anyway, as you have now realized...he managed an hour to make out in the car. Why couldn't he manage an hour for coffee? Two hours? Constantly being busy, travel, etc. I'm always wary of online guys who "travel a lot." A lot of these guys are frauds, married, etc. You met in person, so that's a good thing, but be cautious in these situations.

 

I get what you did, though. You really liked this guy, so an opportunity to meet, even just a drive-by was something you grasped at...why we do this to ourselves, I will never know, but I would have done the same thing.

 

You had the same question as I have had a hundred times over -- if they're that busy, why are they getting on a dating app and even trying? Assuming he was genuine, not married, maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe he was hoping for some casual hookups, some sex, casual companionship, but cannot commit to anything...which he could be clear on in the profile, but some of them don't.

 

He might circle back around. Be strong in your resistance. The second time will not fare better than the first...experience speaking here.

purplepaisley,

Thank you. Same thing...

He presented himself as looking for something serious, told me so repeatedly. We started chatting since December. Told me he liked me more than I knew and how much he thought of me, wanted me to join him on his work trips (now I see that as a red flag lol)

I think that's why I waited and waited... really thought he was worth it.

I'm not a lonely desperate woman. I have a job, hobbies, kids, I work out and have a full life. I have been single for 4 years and maybe I'm rusty at this. There is another guy that I am talking to so I wasn't just focusing on him like some people implied... I just thought there was more compatibility with this one.

My mistake here was not raising the bar high enough to my real standards and how I treat people. And yes, also I was a little gullible.

Definitely learned something. Next!