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Thread: Single parents dating

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    This is a healthy response. You hoped things would turn out differently but you are accepting that they will not.


    The only thing I would caution you about is if you start feeling lonely or "miss" his texts, please do not re-text him telling him you think you were a bit hasty and you'd like to continue. Because the end result would still be the same.
    Hahaha! I almost did last night but didnt!!

    I hoped his answer would be to ask me to give him a second chance or say something nice back! LOL, but instead thanked me for being honest, so that tells me a lot. This morning I deleted him from my contacts along with his emails, si I don't feel the temptation to reminisce



    Thank you boltnrun

  2. #22
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    I'm late to the party here,
    My bet he wanted you on the side of his existing relationship. He's married, common law, or on the outs with his current.
    Something doesn't add up....A single parent and with ex out of the picture, with a travel a lot, and quick meeting on HIS schedule.

    but I'd say you dodged a huge bullet here. Better earlier than later.
    Be open minded with your next dates, but get to know your gut. If something seems fishy, it probably is.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Betterwithout
    I'm late to the party here,
    My bet he wanted you on the side of his existing relationship. He's married, common law, or on the outs with his current.
    Something doesn't add up....A single parent and with ex out of the picture, with a travel a lot, and quick meeting on HIS schedule.

    but I'd say you dodged a huge bullet here. Better earlier than later.
    Be open minded with your next dates, but get to know your gut. If something seems fishy, it probably is.
    Today, 11:35 AM #23

    Betterwithout

    Thank you for your feedback. After we met for the first time but couldn't arrange a date for later, a date that he suggested, said he couldn't wait to see me again, that's when the gut feeling started, but I wanted to be open minded and not let this "great guy" go because of my doubts.

    Everything he told me after now seems like a line... ew, why are some men like this??...

    I am glad to see so many responses all sort of agreeing that I dodged a bullet, I definitely feel better, I feel a little like a dumb girl for falling for it but it will go away soon

    Cheers!!

  4. #24
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    I've done the exact same thing as you. I was head over heels with this guy. I absolutely did not want to deal with young children, and while his were still on the young side, they were old enough to be home alone, self-sufficient, and require a little less constant care. But he was busy. Work and extracurricular activities, every other weekend, time was sparse. Just hang in there, eventually we'll get to a place where we can meet each other's kids. It won't be this busy forever...why let this great guy go? My guy wanted to play the field, I think. He had been divorced for awhile, kids kept him busy, and he decided to get back out there, but due to his busy lifestyle, wasn't really after anything serious; though he did present himself that he was looking for a relationship...men...what can you do?

    Anyway, as you have now realized...he managed an hour to make out in the car. Why couldn't he manage an hour for coffee? Two hours? Constantly being busy, travel, etc. I'm always wary of online guys who "travel a lot." A lot of these guys are frauds, married, etc. You met in person, so that's a good thing, but be cautious in these situations.

    I get what you did, though. You really liked this guy, so an opportunity to meet, even just a drive-by was something you grasped at...why we do this to ourselves, I will never know, but I would have done the same thing.

    You had the same question as I have had a hundred times over -- if they're that busy, why are they getting on a dating app and even trying? Assuming he was genuine, not married, maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe he was hoping for some casual hookups, some sex, casual companionship, but cannot commit to anything...which he could be clear on in the profile, but some of them don't.

    He might circle back around. Be strong in your resistance. The second time will not fare better than the first...experience speaking here.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by purplepaisley
    I've done the exact same thing as you. I was head over heels with this guy. I absolutely did not want to deal with young children, and while his were still on the young side, they were old enough to be home alone, self-sufficient, and require a little less constant care. But he was busy. Work and extracurricular activities, every other weekend, time was sparse. Just hang in there, eventually we'll get to a place where we can meet each other's kids. It won't be this busy forever...why let this great guy go? My guy wanted to play the field, I think. He had been divorced for awhile, kids kept him busy, and he decided to get back out there, but due to his busy lifestyle, wasn't really after anything serious; though he did present himself that he was looking for a relationship...men...what can you do?

    Anyway, as you have now realized...he managed an hour to make out in the car. Why couldn't he manage an hour for coffee? Two hours? Constantly being busy, travel, etc. I'm always wary of online guys who "travel a lot." A lot of these guys are frauds, married, etc. You met in person, so that's a good thing, but be cautious in these situations.

    I get what you did, though. You really liked this guy, so an opportunity to meet, even just a drive-by was something you grasped at...why we do this to ourselves, I will never know, but I would have done the same thing.

    You had the same question as I have had a hundred times over -- if they're that busy, why are they getting on a dating app and even trying? Assuming he was genuine, not married, maybe it seemed like a good idea at the time. Maybe he was hoping for some casual hookups, some sex, casual companionship, but cannot commit to anything...which he could be clear on in the profile, but some of them don't.

    He might circle back around. Be strong in your resistance. The second time will not fare better than the first...experience speaking here.
    purplepaisley,

    Thank you. Same thing...

    He presented himself as looking for something serious, told me so repeatedly. We started chatting since December. Told me he liked me more than I knew and how much he thought of me, wanted me to join him on his work trips (now I see that as a red flag lol)
    I think that's why I waited and waited... really thought he was worth it.

    I'm not a lonely desperate woman. I have a job, hobbies, kids, I work out and have a full life. I have been single for 4 years and maybe I'm rusty at this. There is another guy that I am talking to so I wasn't just focusing on him like some people implied... I just thought there was more compatibility with this one.

    My mistake here was not raising the bar high enough to my real standards and how I treat people. And yes, also I was a little gullible.

    Definitely learned something. Next!
    Last edited by Afireblue; 03-16-2019 at 06:54 PM. Reason: Spelling

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    purplepaisley,

    Thank you. Same thing...

    He presented himself as looking for something serious, told me so repeatedly. We started chatting since December. Told me he liked me more than I knew and how much he thought of me, wanted me to join him on his work trips (now I see that as a red flag lol)
    I think that's why I waited and waited... really thought he was worth it.

    I'm not a lonely desperate woman. I have a job, hobbies, kids, I work out and have a full life. I have been single for 4 years and maybe I'm rusty at this. There is another guy that I am talking to so I wasn't just focusing on him like some people implied... I just thought there was more compatibility with this one.

    My mistake here was not raising the bar high enough to my real standards and how I treat people. And yes, also I was a little gullible.

    Definitely learned something. Next!
    I think this guy is a bust, but assuming he's genuine, and you'd like to keep him on board for a bit, this is the guy you put on the back burner. If he's around, great. If he's not, fine. But you have to have the ability to sequester him in your mind...don't expect anything, don't go down that rabbit hole into love. You can date others and enjoy him when he's around. Of course keeping him on board while you pursue something else can be a little problematic...feelings and hope...so the question is if it's possible or not. If it complicates things. If it hinders your ability to explore fully someone else. Does it create anxiety? You'll have to break up with him if things go well with New Guy...not a fun thing to consider. And you can't sleep with him. Can he be juggled and fit in? The logical answer is no, send him packing...I wish you strength in that.

    I did this. I figured just enjoy the time and ride it out. At some point we can blend with the kids and that opens up a little more time. Every other weekend he had his kids plus some week nights. I could see him on a weekday, but you wonder if that's stretching his time too, as he has no down time when the kids are at their mom's. A time to relax, catch up on chores, hang with friends, be alone in your underwear...am I creating another obligation? Weekends could be sparse...and those are my days, as I have weekends off, so I don't have to worry about bed time and obligations. My kids were almost fully grown, so they could be home alone since their father moved state. When he bailed on weekends, this was very hard for me...obviously he was reaching an end, but we got along soooo well...like I could really see this moving somewhere long-term well, so it was really, really hard to let go of. I can be patient. I have other things to do. But it was hard and I realized I was the one texting first all the time and pretty much asking or fishing for time, of which he would cancel a lot...work meeting, work social thing (networking), kids' extracurricular activities and school functions. I started thinking, you're in the office 40+ hours a week, and there are a LOT of these networking parties for clients after work and weekends...like a LOT...where is the work/life balance and does any company have THAT MANY parties and socials? I mean, people have lives, kids and husbands and wives and aging parents...??? Something wasn't meshing. No, he wanted happy hour. He was probably still on the app and was dating.

    I hung on for awhile until I realized it's done. Interestingly, a few months later he contacted me. He was Mr. Texter...just all over the texting and suddenly that was poof, gone. Cancelled date and one fantastic meeting, and then texting dwindled. Why do they do this? Suddenly I was back in that mode that he *seemed* interested, and then suddenly was not...but you hang on a little longer, just to see.

    This is how you managed a full 6 weeks of not seeing him. I mean, really, six weeks? And after six weeks you accepted a cheap drive-by. No judging, I already expressed I would have done the same...well, hopefully not, but yeah...the chances are high.

    We fear the what-if. We are so smitten, we tolerate bad behavior, back burner. He's busy. Lordy.

    What we don't worry about is keeping the bar high. Words of wisdom there. Setting boundaries, and if they don't fit...see 'ya. I have to find my book "He's Just Not That Into You" and re-read. I recommend it.

    We get lost in the patience and working with life issues; it can be really hard to find a defining line. We're parents and we have jobs and things get hectic, so we understand when things go sideways with our partners or potential partners.

    Thanks for my little vent and trying to armchair therapy myself (and you?) online. You and me aren't the only ones...it's nice to connect with someone whose situation was similar to mine. That one still hurts a little.

  8. #27

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    Afireblue, I think you did the right thing and you did it respectfully. You had a gut feeling something was not right about the entire situation and you got out. A very smart choice in my opinion. From reading the post it certainly seemed like the guy was stringing you along. I don't know for sure if he was still married or not or had other women he was dating as well, but he certainly had other issues that were more important than a relationship with you and that is what was going to make this whole thing work or not.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Sita Pita
    Afireblue, I think you did the right thing and you did it respectfully. You had a gut feeling something was not right about the entire situation and you got out. A very smart choice in my opinion. From reading the post it certainly seemed like the guy was stringing you along. I don't know for sure if he was still married or not or had other women he was dating as well, but he certainly had other issues that were more important than a relationship with you and that is what was going to make this whole thing work or not.
    Thank you Sita,
    He really got me hooked with just exchanging emails and texting. Seeing things clearly now shows his game and what he was about.

    Really what got me to decide to walk away was posting my feelings here, that, and what my gut was telling me.

    Thank you all again for chipping in. I know he wasn't my bf or we had even really dated. But my self esteem took a hit and this forum helped me put things in perspective.

    Happy Sunday all

    Blessings

  10. #29

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    Originally Posted by Afireblue
    Thank you Sita,
    He really got me hooked with just exchanging emails and texting. Seeing things clearly now shows his game and what he was about.

    Really what got me to decide to walk away was posting my feelings here, that, and what my gut was telling me.

    Thank you all again for chipping in. I know he wasn't my bf or we had even really dated. But my self esteem took a hit and this forum helped me put things in perspective.

    Happy Sunday all

    Blessings
    I am glad this forum has helped you out. I have come to find out that this forum has helped me out as well and you posted on my thread as well and were a part of that as well. I am glad I found this place as it seems like a really great community of people.

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