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Thread: Lies of a wandering partner

  1. #1
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    Lies of a wandering partner

    Hi Peeps,

    Found something interesting on the net, not sure who the owner is but this can help those going through something similar.. all credits goes to the blogger...


    Affairs have a way of completely transforming someone you used to trust into individuals incapable of uttering a single syllable without lying. Wandering partners have absolutely no business holding a single shred of your trust for years after discovering an affair. Wandering partners lie, lie some more and continue to lie so they can have what they want from their affair partner.

    The person you have known in the wandering partner is essentially gone once they have engaged in an affair. Once a wandering partner has stepped onto the yellow brick road of infidelity they are essentially different people. Wandering partners engaged in affairs lie, they weave a web of deceit and they often attempt to justify their actions for the affair after the affair discovered. If you take anything away from this post today it should be this; never trust anything a wandering partner say unless you can personally verify it.

    My first experience with a cheater was very hard and I was inexperienced in knowing what to do once I knew about the affair. As a good boyfriend and a good person I wanted to believe that my girlfriend was attempting to reform. She looked at me right in the eyes and stated that she wanted our relationship to work and that she would end the relationship with the affair partner. Soon after, the lies began falling like raindrops in a severe thunderstorm. When confronted on these stories I became the problem and she needed space. She needed time apart to think about us. What this actually means is I am messing around with someone else please allow me more time to rub salt on the affair wound.

    Addressing your concerns with an individual who cannot tell the truth is pointless because they just continue lying and often they believe their own conceited garbage from their mouth. I was soon bombarded with stories of lies, rumors of continued affairs and many of her stories did not add up to what she was telling me. What I want to convey for those individuals possibly experiencing infidelity for the first time is not to be lulled by a smooth talking wandering partner and do not let your guard down for a minute.

    I made this mistake in my attempt at reconciliation. I believed the first round of apologies and attempted reconciliation. As time went on and I had a few weeks of no major events in my relationship I became passive in my fact checking and slid back into the relationship as it used to be. I stumbled across more information weeks later that if I had fact checked her whereabouts weeks earlier I would have known she was lying and seeing her affair partner again. Wandering partners are very skilled at presenting a deceptive reconciliation. They say all the right things but many relationships have been violated by a false sense of security presented by an underhanded selfish wandering partner.

    It is easy to lie to the betrayed partner for the wandering partner because they have been so good at it for weeks, months and even years. Betrayed partners working towards reconciliation want to believe that the relationship is heading back in a positive direction and the wandering partner witnessing what they have done to the betrayed partner would not return to the affair partner once the affair is discovered; right? Wrong! The words of wandering partner mean little until their behaviors begin to change. A wandering partner focused on remorse, empathy and working together with the betrayed partner to repair the relationship is the only way that trust can be restored in some manner.

    A wandering partner interested in repairing the relationship opens up their life with full transparency and routinely asks what they need to do to assist in the process of reconciliation not attempting to cover aspects of their life. A wandering partner often has to work years to fully repair trust in a relationship they have broken and work towards proving they are worth the effort towards reconciliation. A wandering partner is willing to follow the entire itinerary set forth by the betrayed partner and doing whatever it is that will make the betrayed partner feel safe and secure. Despite these measures from a remorseful wandering partner the betrayed partner should fact check everything and verify all loose ends for quite some time.


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  2. #2
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    FYI - In this writer's case, his girlfriend cheated for revenge. Probably because he took her for granted somewhere along the way.

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    True that but that still doesn't give the person any reason to cheat and deceive their partner....

  4. #4
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    Bigboss,

    Most affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with yourSELF.


    Take it from someone who knows what she's talking about.

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  6. #5
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    Once you know someone is a proven liar and cheater, you really need to eject them from your life permanently.

    If they claim to be doing the below quote, my guess is they are still liars. Don't believe them.

    A wandering partner interested in repairing the relationship opens up their life with full transparency and routinely asks what they need to do to assist in the process of reconciliation not attempting to cover aspects of their life. A wandering partner often has to work years to fully repair trust in a relationship they have broken and work towards proving they are worth the effort towards reconciliation. A wandering partner is willing to follow the entire itinerary set forth by the betrayed partner and doing whatever it is that will make the betrayed partner feel safe and secure.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Bigboss what happened?

    I was so proud of you on your last post?

    I thought you were making an effort to stop the obsessive thinking?

    Googling on end until you end up on a random blog from 2014 about cheating is overkill.

    Youíre seeing a counselor which is amazing! Thatís where your thoughts about your ex should be. I think you should really try to limit them to that. Late night binge searching for answers is going to keep you stuck and you donít deserve that.

    You gotta look out for yourself. Sheís winning right now. Because she still has so much of you focused on her. She doesnít deserve it. Tell your counselor about what youíre doing, Iím sure he or she will help you with strategies to stop.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Metaltwin70
    Bigboss,

    Most affairs have nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with yourSELF.


    Take it from someone who knows what she's talking about.
    Are you saying it's his fault his partner cheated?

  9. #8
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    'Are you saying it's his fault his partner cheated?'

    ___________

    Not at all. What I'm saying is the opposite actually: cheating often has nothing much to do with how you do or don't feel about your partner.

    I won't elaborate because I don't want to start a pointless debate. I've read enough of the 'you cheated = you vile monster' type threads on here to go there.

  10. #9
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    ^^^^^^yes, but how they feel about you does rely on you and what you do/don't do in a relationship. Relationship love IS conditional.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Metaltwin70

    Not at all. What I'm saying is the opposite actually: cheating often has nothing much to do with how you do or don't feel about your partner.

    I won't elaborate because I don't want to start a pointless debate. I've read enough of the 'you cheated = you vile monster' type threads on here to go there.
    I was only trying to clarify, because I was not sure what you meant by your statement.

    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    ^^^^^^yes, but how they feel about you does rely on you and what you do/don't do in a relationship. Relationship love IS conditional.

    Yes, how you make them fill can definitely lead them to cheat. That is what has happened to me. That however does not excuse their cheating as a solution.

  12. 03-20-2019, 11:35 PM


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