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Thread: Feeling stuck in a relationship (too much texting)

  1. #1

    Feeling stuck in a relationship (too much texting)

    Hello,
    So here's the problem, but first of all let's get some things clear:
    - I love my girlfriend
    - She loves me
    - I love spending time with her in person

    So, what's the problem?
    The problem is that we are spending TOO MUCH time texting, that's what she calls "attention", when I don't answer ti her message for like 5 minutes she's like "Oh you are not giving me enough attention blah blah" and trust me, that drives me crazy.. I'm stuck with my phone because of her, So many times I want to work on myself, spend time on things I likr doing in free time, but can't because of damn chatting.

    My sister has a boyfriend, and they're not chatting at all, like once in a week 2 messages, what they do is talk via phone call, once a day, and call each other to make a deal when to go out.
    And that's what I like, relationship isn't a prison.

    So, what should I do?
    Plus, we see each other everyday

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    Your girlfriend is the epitome of an extremely insecure and immature person.

    The reason you text her all the time is, you text her all the time. She's come to expect it.

    The only way to stop it is to tell her exactly what you said here: that you'd like to speak to her every day via phone, and maybe a text once or twice a day. If she's not ok with that, then she's not the girl for you.

    I can't stand all the texting either, so I'm with you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    This would be a deal breaker for me... my current BF and I send messages or chat on the phone twice a day when we are not together... once in the late morning, and once during the evening as we are getting ready for bed. We may talk more often if one or the other of us is having a tough day but otherwise we just kind of set that cadence up when we started dating.

    You need to set a boundary with this girl. Her insecurity isn't your responsibility. If she can't handle it then let her go be needy and insecure with some other guy.

  4. #4
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm curious why she needs that attention from you when you're not together in person and why you feel obligated to respond. I'm sensing insecurities on both sides. Have there been any issues of infidelity in the past between the both of you or is either one of you more social(wider social circles) than the other?

  5.  

  6. #5
    Originally Posted by LHGirl
    Your girlfriend is the epitome of an extremely insecure and immature person.

    The reason you text her all the time is, you text her all the time. She's come to expect it.

    The only way to stop it is to tell her exactly what you said here: that you'd like to speak to her every day via phone, and maybe a text once or twice a day. If she's not ok with that, then she's not the girl for you.

    I can't stand all the texting either, so I'm with you.
    Yeah, I understand that. Yeah I should do that.
    Knowing her, she would probably understand that as "me not loving her"

  7. #6
    Originally Posted by maew
    This would be a deal breaker for me... my current BF and I send messages or chat on the phone twice a day when we are not together... once in the late morning, and once during the evening as we are getting ready for bed. We may talk more often if one or the other of us is having a tough day but otherwise we just kind of set that cadence up when we started dating.

    You need to set a boundary with this girl. Her insecurity isn't your responsibility. If she can't handle it then let her go be needy and insecure with some other guy.
    Exactly what I would like it to be in my relationship.
    As a girl, is attention such a big deal for you?

  8. #7
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    You should tell her how you feel, like how you just told us.

    But yeah, woh - this girl is too much. The need for you to constantly text her AND you both already see each other every day?!? That's crazy. You're right about how you sister's relationship sounds healthier with the communication; it is. One phone call a day is enough, honestly, and then a text here and there when you want to let them know something is extra. I once got mad at a guy who told me he wanted to text me while he's with his friends so that he's not bored. Um, HELLO - WHAT? I'm not going to be anyone's pass time, especially when they're supposed to be having fun with their friends. If you're not, then don't hang out with them! Anyway, my point in telling you that was that this new texting era is crazy, and I think your girlfriend is one of those people caught up in it. It's great that you two love each other, so just tell her so that you guys have a healthier communication plan. Also, as the above poster said, if she continues to be this way, I'm sorry to say but it would be a deal breaker. Being able to live your life, too, is more important.

    And as Rose Mosse said, yes, she could have insecurities that you should address with her before deciding to break it off or anything, like ask her why she needs this constant attention. Work things out as much as you can before letting it go so you don't regret anything.

  9. #8
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'm curious why she needs that attention from you when you're not together in person and why you feel obligated to respond. I'm sensing insecurities on both sides. Have there been any issues of infidelity in the past between the both of you or is either one of you more social(wider social circles) than the other?
    Me neither, thats what's bothering me. In person we both enjoy, I can see it on her face that she's happy.
    About feeling obligation to respond, to be honest, I don't know.. come to think of it, I just don't know..

    No, we have never had any issue like that, just her jealousy, she's so jealous, but when it comes to me, she has no reason to be, I'm always loyal, honest and i put all of my effort into our relationship.
    Now when it comes to social circles, I used to be much more social, I had like so many friends, girls and guys. She was always a shy one. I'm still very social person, but when it comes to her, well, she doesn't even want to be around when I'm with a company because she's shy

  10. #9
    Originally Posted by Oh me Oh I
    You should tell her how you feel, like how you just told us.

    But yeah, woh - this girl is too much. The need for you to constantly text her AND you both already see each other every day?!? That's crazy. You're right about how you sister's relationship sounds healthier with the communication; it is. One phone call a day is enough, honestly, and then a text here and there when you want to let them know something is extra. I once got mad at a guy who told me he wanted to text me while he's with his friends so that he's not bored. Um, HELLO - WHAT? I'm not going to be anyone's pass time, especially when they're supposed to be having fun with their friends. If you're not, then don't hang out with them! Anyway, my point in telling you that was that this new texting era is crazy, and I think your girlfriend is one of those people caught up in it. It's great that you two love each other, so just tell her so that you guys have a healthier communication plan. Also, as the above poster said, if she continues to be this way, I'm sorry to say but it would be a deal breaker. Being able to live your life, too, is more important.

    And as Rose Mosse said, yes, she could have insecurities that you should address with her before deciding to break it off or anything, like ask her why she needs this constant attention. Work things out as much as you can before letting it go so you don't regret anything.
    Yeah, our relationship, from my point of view, isn't healthy.. Like You said, my GF got caught in this new "modern" era, which is stupid, and I wish everything was like before social media and stuff.

    I will listen to your advice and talk it out with her. I really have put so much effort into this relationship, like I can't even explain how much.. when you feel like you gave a part of yourself for that person, for a relationship.
    So I don't want it to end, I love her.

  11. #10
    Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    If you love her as you have said, the best thing you can do is to have a sit-down with her the next time you see her. Tell her how you feel, that you love her but you don't feel the need to communicate all day long. Without communication, your relationship won't last.

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