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Thread: Why does my ex boyfriend still look at my social media?

  1. #21
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    I can relate to this. My ex split with me last month. He's since led me on and backed off again when I called him out on it. His actions contradict what he's said to me when we've had conversations since. He has told me he still likes me, what ever that means to him. I think he's a very confused person. One day he deleted me entirely saying if I can't be friends with him he doesn't want to see photos of me and what I'm doing - a few hours later he re-added me.

    I don't "follow" him on instagram - I don't look at his stories, snaps, posts, etc., but he watches everything I put on there. Sometimes he even replies to my story posts. I personally don't get it. Could be he's just trying to be friendly by responding. In both cases, perhaps he just "taps" through stories. Maybe there's nothing in it at all. Maybe he still has feelings for you. It's hard to just guess. I still have feelings towards my ex but actively not seeing HIS stuff is helping me move on. If he wants to keep tabs on me in his own way then he can do that if he wants. 98% of the time I never reply to his responses. Though I think if it continues for much longer I'll be forced to remove his account from my followers. I agree with you - it is hard to completely cut ties when you still want the person. If I didn't want to be with someone I wouldn't be interested in seeing what they're up to, end of story. People can be strange.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by dasnico
    My ex split with me last month..... I personally don't get it. .
    If he did the dumping, he probably wanted a friendship to alleviate guilt and validate himself, to keep you in orbit as a potential Plan B, and to wean himself completely away more gradually.

    As you said no to friendship, he is still trying to do those things, by trying to engage with you via your social media.

    The "I'm going to block you" was a gambit to get you to change your mind - I see it didn't work.

    98% of the time I never reply to his responses.
    You should not even be replying 2% of the time. If you don't want to block him fine, but make use of that setting that turns off notifications of what he does.

    What he is doing is not that strange really - dumpers want to stay engaged with you as a friend to make it easier for them.

    He also wants to stay in your head, because when you said no to friendship you took some power back, and they don't like that.

  3. #23
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    @RayRay63 - that all blows my mind. When I've dumped in the past I've never done this to anyone. This has been recurring week after week. I would've expected him to get bored by now. Why keep pinging me over and over again? The RS wasn't even that long.

  4. #24
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    As Ray said this behaviour from him likely a mix of guilt and/or trying to keep the door open for a potential return. None of it shows consideration for the dumpee.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by dasnico
    Why keep pinging me over and over again?
    Well, if you are occasionally acknowledging his contact, even 2% of the time, he is getting a little validation, and smugly thinks he can get you back if he wants. So he'll continue.

    I would say don't respond at all, and blocking him is the best way to do that.

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