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Thread: Why does my ex boyfriend still look at my social media?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Stevie Wonder can see it doesnít really ďhauntĒ you but rather gives you hope but the more time that passes without him actually contacting you that hope is fading so youíre posting here so we can reignite those fires.

    It would be reckless to tell you to have hope. Mostly because him looking can mean any number of things and until he actually reaches out to you, thereís truly nothing solid to go on

    So to stay emotionally safe. Try to see it for what it is and remind yourself he broke up with you and if he wants to get back he knows what to do. Iím not saying him liking your status isnít confusing for you. Iím sure it is but thereís no true way to know WHY heís doing it ya know?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you're ok with him on your social media accounts, what he does shouldn't matter. He can look for all he wants or for all you care.
    The main question really is: Why do you care so much what he's doing or looking at? And why are you the one who's keeping track of what he's doing?

    If you're experiencing dependency or feelings of not enough closure, fix that and have a little pep talk with yourself. Find a safe and private outlet to figure out your emotions and don't be afraid to ask yourself questions. Write in a journal, think and reflect for awhile, some people even literally talk to themselves in a quiet space or they speak with trusted friends or family members. You have a choice in how you want to live your life. I don't believe the actual solution is blocking anyone. The real hack is if you're able to drop your dependency and re-learn/teach yourself how to live freely, independently again without the approval of anyone else and regardless of what others are doing around you.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    I had an ex once ask me to not delete him off social media while he was breaking up with me. Aside from it being a ridiculous request, it enlightened me about these types of situations. He wants control. He wants to know what you're up to, if you've moved on first, if the next guy you date is more attractive, and so on. It's not a sign of love or affection, it's ego at work, and as others have mentioned, it is keeping you from moving on and living your life.

    I decided to delete all social media after my last breakup and it was the best decision I ever made. You don't even realize that you're sickly obsessed with seeing his name pop up on that list of people until you actually cut yourself off. At the end of the day, it's just not enough that he thinks about you or even that he misses you. You wanted a committed loving relationship and he opted out of that. Unless he calls you or shows up at your door telling you point blank that you're the one and that he's going to make up for all of his mistakes and then backs his words up with actions, staying tied in is just inviting more pain.

    Blocking him isn't a cure-all, but it is the first step to you not being obsessed with an ex who couldn't be what you needed and wanted. Consider making the hard choice. You may just find some peace of mind along the way.

  4. #14
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    Your question to us is "Why?". While none of us has mind-reading powers, I can take a guess: He wants you to keep him in your mind, in a selfish way. He broke up with you, yet he wants to "ping" you every so often, to keep him front of mind for you.

    It's ego-building for him. Look, I can break up with her, and even though time is passing, she'll be forced to still think of me.

    This is not an attempt by him to get you back into his life, but rather to keep you tethered to him so that his poor little ego can be stroked. It's all mind games for him.

    Others have said block, and even though you'll be so tempted, yes, you must do this. I'm sorry about this, it sucks, and yes, I've been there.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Daisi215
    You are very right. It's just hard to completely cut ties with him. We were inseparable for a year. Have you had a similar situation happen to you?
    Of course. All you need to do is go through the breakup section and see just how many people have experienced this exact thing. I have been a full on social media stalker in the past and all it's ever done for me is given me anxiety and stress and prevented me from actually dealing with the feelings of loss.

    It's a great first step to go no direct contact... the next step is to break social media contact which includes unfriending / unfollowing and possibly blocking if needed. Don't let this guy drive you to distraction with meaningless actions like watching your social media.

  7. #16
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    It's usually because they still have feelings for you, like 99.99% of the time. As someone else had said, being the breaker-upper doesn't mean they don't have feelings for you anymore. There have been times I broke up with someone and I didn't want to; it was just that based on what I had felt for a while and/or things that were happening in the relationship, it just wasn't right to stay anymore. It's hard on both sides in cases like this.

    My advice to you is to block him, especially since you said you were the one who didn't want to break up and are working on yourself. Blocking him now would help in that because now not blocking him is making you wonder things you don't need to anymore. I actually think you should have blocked him from the get, but in a way it's good that you didn't, either, because some people do that right away, but then because they still have feelings and aren't exactly ready to move completely away yet, find some other way to look at their ex's social media. You didn't do that, and have let both of you simmer your feelings for a bit by having access to each other's social media still. Maybe it's time now to finally block so you don't think about him too much or anymore moving forward. I did that myself one time because I just don't like knowing someone I don't want in my life anymore is watching me. They can find some other way to, but I just don't want to know about it. As long as I don't know, I don't care.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sadly it sounds like you are hoping to get back together and trying to find "signs" that this may happen. However, if he wanted to reconcile you would know for sure.
    Originally Posted by Daisi215
    Does he still care? I know I wouldn't bother looking at my ex's social media if i didn't care anymore.

  9. #18
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    If an ex follows you on social media on a regular basis it means they are still very affected emotionally. I would not post anything sad or negative if I were you, but rather positive news no more than once a week. No references to the breakup whatsoever. My ex-wife still follows my social media religiously even though we havenít been together in nearly 5 years.

  10. #19
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    The problem here is not that he is checking it, but that you are obsessing over him doing it.

    It's probably just curiosity.

    If you can't bring yourself to block him, at least unfollow him as a first step.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Does he care? Yes, just not in the way that you wish. Usually when an ex is trolling your social media like that after they dumped you, it's just alleviating guilt. They actually want to see that you are doing well and moving on because it makes them feel better about dumping you. Notice - it's selfish motivation. Second possibility has already been touched on - ego. If you are on there crying and sending cryptic messages that they can attribute to themselves, it feeds their ego in a look at what a loser you are and how much power they have over you still. Also completely selfish motivation and kind of twisted too.

    When you opt to block them, you are taking your power back from them. You no longer subject yourself to them, what they do, what they might be thinking, hoping for something, etc. You are setting yourself free of them. Do it. It will feel hard, but it will ultimately feel good and let you heal and move on faster.

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