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Thread: Feeling weird about buying a vibrator...

  1. #1
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    Feeling weird about buying a vibrator...

    So, let me start this off by saying that I'm a 34 year old single mom of two (an 11 and 4 year old). I'm basically a soccer mom and other than work, all that I do is drive my kids around to wherever they need to go. I've been separated from my husband since June of last year. He basically was cheating on me, but when we had sex, I never felt like he really was attracted to me so I never really enjoyed it. So that made it so that, towards the end, we barely ever had sex. It's been well over a year since I've had sex, or done anything sexually. I haven't even really thought about it and even if I did, I've always been around my kids...

    Well, lately, I've been thinking about sex a lot and notice how much I miss it. This thought alone makes me feel weird. I don't find myself attractive, really. A part of me thinks that I'll probably never have sex again. Like I said, I don't find myself very attractive, I have baggage, I'm not into casual sex, I'd want to be in a serious relationship if I do. :-( but like I said, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. So last night, I ordered a vibrator. And I feel so gross about it now, even tried to cancel the order but they said its too late. I feel like I'm too old to think about this stuff and I have kids, and now I just feel really bad about it.

    Am I weird for thinking about sex? I feel like having a vibrator in the house with two kids is just terrible and I'm so scared that someone is going to find out. And why am I thinking about all of this stuff now...I just feel dirty :-(

  2. #2
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If you feel odd about it, then buy one of those little bullet ones that don't look like a sex toy. Sex or anything pertaining to sex is not dirty. No one is going to know, and TBH no one is even going to care if they did because most people have one too. I think you should give yourself a break...please be positive, because you deserve this. it's a nice safe way to have some pleasure.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Donít feel weird! This will be good. Just keep it hidden from your kids and itíll be fine. You go girl :)

  4. #4
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Is there any particular reason for your negative point of view regarding sexuality?? Why do you think having sexual desires is bad or dirty??

    We are human, itís a healthy part of our nature. I have several toys, kept away in a nightstand, that my daughter has never found. It is NORMAL and HEALTHY to have these desires and you should oblige yourself!! Sex is beautiful, natural, and necessary. Itís how we reproduce, we were intended to have sex. Donít try to fight that!

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  6. #5
    Gold Member LC8328's Avatar
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    I agree with Indea and would like to ask you, OP, why you have such a negative image of yourself. I also notice a lot of feelings of shame which I'll take a stab in the dark about and guess that might have to do with the manner in which you were raised and/or religion extremes..but I don't know and that's not important.

    Do you want someone to tell you that it's ok and natural, and that you have nothing to be embarrassed about? You got it! Come where when you're unsure and we'll talk you through it.

    Your past sexual experiences is NOT an indicator of your future ones. Your experience is that you were married to a jerk who apparently didn't care for your feelings or perspective. But he was wrong and there are people out there who would absolutely satisfy you.

    It is okay to see yourself as a sexual being. Even when your children are adults and you're getting to retirement age, you will STILL be a sexual being and it is okay, even healthy, to see yourself thus.

    Don't be ashamed or embarrassed at all. You ordered that vibrator for a reason, and hey, that company (as well as so many others) are in business for a reason!

    I am also disturbed by the fact that you don't think you're attractive. Please don't do that to yourself. Look in the mirror right now and think of what is amazing about you. For starters, you have a job, are a single mom, and take amazing care of your children. Again you have nothing to be ashamed of - your ex does because he is the one who deceived you and broke his vows.

    I wish all the best to you.


    ~LC

  7. #6
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Look, just because you're a mom does not mean your sexuality goes out the window. Please, don't feel like you're too old for this. I'm only 2 years younger than you and you're making ME feel old :) I have a vibrator in my nightstand and my 2 year old has never found it.

    You seem to have a very strong negative view on sexuality though and I can understand how your experience with your ex husband has left you raw and vulnerable. You know, maybe if you get a nice haircut, some new beautiful clothes and start working out when you can, you'll be able to improve your body image and automatically start viewing yourself as the sexy woman I'm sure you are. Try not to lose yourself in the role of being a mother.

    Here's a funny story. I used to have a giant vibrator, and I mean an awful pink, veiny thing that my fiance (bf at the time) and I got as a joke originally. I had just moved to a new place and took some photos of each room to send to my mother and grandparents. Well, the vibrator was sitting behind a staircase that had a giant mirror behind it and I didn't see it when I took the photos. When I sent them out to my family, I could see the damn thing in the mirror "hidden" behind the stairs. It was horrifying... Nobody ever mentioned it and I still don't know if they saw it or not.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Well, I'm a guy, and I would definitely feel weird if I bought one of those things

  9. #8
    Gold Member smackie9's Avatar
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    What? so yer a butt plug kinda guy then?

  10. #9
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    What? so yer a butt plug kinda guy then?
    - Oh my!

    my message is too short, too short, too short, it won't let me post. I'm just a bad man and I like it!

  11. #10
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    You are still young, why do you see yourself in such a bad light?

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