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Thread: Single always

  1. #1
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    Single always

    Ok Iíll just put it out there I really want a boyfriend but am having the hardest time meeting someone who is interested in me and vice versa. Iím quite shy and have a really hard time showing a guy I am interested in real life and online well Iíve been on a few dates, none have worked out, most have not liked me and some I have not liked. Iíve even lowered my standards and that didnít work either. I donít know what to do? Iím sick of being single always. My relationships in the past usually only last a few months and end pretty badly. I canít flirt with guys either, I just feel like they will be repulsed by me. Iím not super repulsive, I have good hygiene, weíre normal kind of fashionable clothes (have my own style), am a bit alternative, keep fit, am socially awkward, and kind. The feedback from bfs I have had is they always think Iím not into them (even when I extremely am) maybe I come across as asexual or something? Being shy Iíll admit I only have a tiny circle of close friends so donít have the opportunity to meet friends of friends and so forth. Iím 32 by the way. Any advice??

  2. #2
    Gold Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem a little self-consumed and negative. I don't blame you because you are unhappy and that's why you're here. Try not to let that negativity overrule your general attitudes to life and the things you hope to accomplish. You didn't mention any of your hobbies here and maybe that's because you're not comfortable sharing what you do in your free time (with strangers or with your dates). Do you work or have career goals? How do you feel about your future? We have now heard all about how you feel about your past and present. In order to be successful at anything, you should be able to not only have a good grasp of what your past and present are but visualize what you want for yourself out of your future realistically.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I'd say that first you need to work on your self esteem, because if you don't like yourself, it will make it harder for anyone else to either. People are attracted to confident people, and a positive person who is average looking will attract more people than a 10 who is down on themselves, because their thoughts of being on the verge of being repulsive will either come out in words or attitude. Read some books and articles on how to achieve that. Most of it stems from the self talk that goes on in our heads daily, i.e, I'm having a good hair day. These jeans look good on me. I'm a good friend who others can always rely on. I make damned good cookies.

    When you've improved in that area, join meet up.com for singles in your age group. You can get to know guys gradually who regularly show up for the activities. To show interest, think about what you like from a guy when he shows interest in you. Probably complimenting his hair or clothing. Asking non-intrusive questions to show your interest in him like if he has any pets, what kinds of movies he likes to watch, if he's lived in the area all his life, etc. Keep normal eye contact and smile at him when it's natural to do so. Touch his arm for emphasis when you're talking or if he makes you laugh.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  4. #4
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Get a part-time sales job so you can learn to socialize with people

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    You seem a little self-consumed and negative. I don't blame you because you are unhappy and that's why you're here. Try not to let that negativity overrule your general attitudes to life and the things you hope to accomplish. You didn't mention any of your hobbies here and maybe that's because you're not comfortable sharing what you do in your free time (with strangers or with your dates). Do you work or have career goals? How do you feel about your future? We have now heard all about how you feel about your past and present. In order to be successful at anything, you should be able to not only have a good grasp of what your past and present are but visualize what you want for yourself out of your future realistically.
    I work in a science based job but canít say I enjoy it nor do I have career goals. I used to have hobbies (bike riding, surfing, mountain climbing, arty things) but now I just donít find much of it fun anymore - I still try and do it but itís more like going through the motions rather then doing it for fun. I know my negative is probably subconsciously pouring through me and Iím working on changing that, I really am .

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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I'd say that first you need to work on your self esteem, because if you don't like yourself, it will make it harder for anyone else to either. People are attracted to confident people, and a positive person who is average looking will attract more people than a 10 who is down on themselves, because their thoughts of being on the verge of being repulsive will either come out in words or attitude. Read some books and articles on how to achieve that. Most of it stems from the self talk that goes on in our heads daily, i.e, I'm having a good hair day. These jeans look good on me. I'm a good friend who others can always rely on. I make damned good cookies.

    When you've improved in that area, join meet up.com for singles in your age group. You can get to know guys gradually who regularly show up for the activities. To show interest, think about what you like from a guy when he shows interest in you. Probably complimenting his hair or clothing. Asking non-intrusive questions to show your interest in him like if he has any pets, what kinds of movies he likes to watch, if he's lived in the area all his life, etc. Keep normal eye contact and smile at him when it's natural to do so. Touch his arm for emphasis when you're talking or if he makes you laugh.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.
    Thanks for your advice, I know thatís definitely true that confidence is very attractive. I know when I was so in love with one bf I was so happy and at the time 3 other guys asked me out (which never ever happens!) and I think the only thing it must of been was how happy I was shining through (my looks or anything else hadnít changed) and Iíd love to get back to that feeling of happiness on my own (without needing someone else to make it) but itís a struggle, things in life are so much better shared. I do listen to podcasts all the time on self motivation and they are pretty empowering for a while. Thanks Iím in a meet up group for friends but I might try join one for singles also and see what happens.

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    Originally Posted by Gary Snyder
    Get a part-time sales job so you can learn to socialize with people
    Ive worked in sales in the past, my current job requires me to deal with customers (not selling but problem solving) and I donít really have time for another job at the moment. But thanks for your advice.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    Thanks for your advice, I know thatís definitely true that confidence is very attractive. I know when I was so in love with one bf I was so happy and at the time 3 other guys asked me out (which never ever happens!) and I think the only thing it must of been was how happy I was shining through (my looks or anything else hadnít changed) and Iíd love to get back to that feeling of happiness on my own (without needing someone else to make it) but itís a struggle, things in life are so much better shared. I do listen to podcasts all the time on self motivation and they are pretty empowering for a while. Thanks Iím in a meet up group for friends but I might try join one for singles also and see what happens.
    I think you have answered one of your questions here. What was it exactly that made you so happy about the relationship you were in? What did you like about the person? What did you like about yourself at the time? How could you get some of those feelings back in your life today?

    At the end of the day everyone has negative thoughts and bullies but it's up to us to stop them and focus on being positive and doing things we can look forward to. It all starts with you... you need to be happy with yourself and your life before you can be happy in a relationship.

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    Originally Posted by maew
    I think you have answered one of your questions here. What was it exactly that made you so happy about the relationship you were in? What did you like about the person? What did you like about yourself at the time? How could you get some of those feelings back in your life today?

    At the end of the day everyone has negative thoughts and bullies but it's up to us to stop them and focus on being positive and doing things we can look forward to. It all starts with you... you need to be happy with yourself and your life before you can be happy in a relationship.
    I was so happy because he made me laugh so much and vice versa, everything just seemed so fun when I was with him id think about him and it would make me smile all the time, which must of made me more approachable. Iíve tried to get it back because I know it was me, he bought out something in me that I already had but find it hard to bring out myself by myself or no one else has been able to either since, Iím like the opposite now. I donít walk around moping or anything Iím still smiling etc but itís almost just a cover and more of a fake smile and happiness which must be apparent.

  11. 03-13-2019, 10:03 PM

  12. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why not get a good check up from a doctor to rule out any physical reasons you feel down and get a referral to a therapist to sort and talk some of this out. A new perspective may help the feeling of defeat and hopelessness. It's normal to feel lonely after a breakup, but you seem unable to recover almost 3 years later and seem unable to connect to others.
    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I really really really miss my ex boyfriend. We have been broken up 2.5 years and I canít forget him. He has reached out to me three times in the time we have been apart, the most recent was last November saying how he much he missed me and would love the chance to even just be friends.

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