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Thread: gf is super mad at me

  1. #1

    gf is super mad at me

    Hey first time poster here, just need a little advice on how to proceed with a lil situation i find myself in tonight..

    Been dating this girl for a month or so now, she's super sweet and i like her a lot.

    When we had our first date, she asked if i was much of a drinker, I responded something to the effect of 'on occasion' She said she was too. She has a history of trouble with family and bfs being alcoholics is why she is asking. Totally valid and understandable. Earlier today we were talking and i mentioned that i had already finished a bottle I'd gotten four days ago. Happy conversation goes bad reallly fast, and she says I'm a liar like everyone else in her life and i'm an alcoholic. Her father and her last couple of bfs were all alcoholics she said, so that is stacked against me as well. I might be an alcoholic, and as far as I'm concerned I just bought my last bottle of whiskey for a very long time, maybe never again. I owned up to every bit of what she said and apologized. She said she's done talking for the night and i respect that, haven't bugged her.

    I feel really terrible and want to make things right, if i can.. would it be a good idea to contact her tomorrow? I don't wanna wait too long and have her think I don't care. I was thinking I'd ask to see her and surprise her with some plants we looking at the previous night. (She loves plants)

    Thanks for any help, advice, criticisms anyone might have

  2. #2
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    I think you should find a new gf- it has only been a month. You are ignoring some big red flags. You should be glad that she showed herself this early, instead you are falling all over yourself apologizing. Make better choices in women.

  3. #3
    Maybe, it's been a whirlwind since the start, she's typecasting me as a raging alcoholic liar like men in her past. Raging alcoholic i don't think so, moderate alcoholic, maybe. Discussion for a different forum though I suppose.

  4. #4
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    This girl has issues that have nothing to do with you. I am surprised you would even want to continue with someone like this. Do you usually date women like this? is this your pattern?

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  6. #5
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you don't know if you're an alcoholic, I'd suggest you stop dating for awhile and take a time out. It might be a better idea to seek help for your habit/s. Does it matter what type of alcoholic you are if you range from moderate to raging? I think this range implicates you enough to warrant seeking professional help.

    If you care about her, don't contact her. Straighten yourself out.

  7. #6
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    I second Holly. One month into your relationship and she’s already lumped you into her past baggage. Not cool! I suggest you re think this relationship and why you’re willing to put up with this drama so early in.

    Right now should be butterflies and puppy lust, not her screaming at you for issues she’s clearly not dealt with.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I'll be honest with you. This is not good. This could turn really bad, very quickly.
    She seems to be drawn to those with drinking problems, as she hasn't dealt with being a child of an alcoholic. So there's a lot of this, which isn't about you at all. She's seeing you through distorted lenses.
    She's trying to fix that old pain by putting herself in situations to relive it over and over again.
    You admit you have some issues with drinking.
    It's like gas on a fire both ways. Being together will feed the worst in both of you.
    It sucks, but that's how it is IMO.
    Best thing you could do is bow out now, respectfully.
    You can let her know you do really like her, but you don't see it working out.

  9. #8
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Perhaps the key is that this is early days.
    If a person were to find out the other person he/she were seeing is capable of downing a bottle (of ?) in four days, is it better to find out sooner or later?
    If a person has previous experience with family members or loved ones with alcoholism and are sensitive to the issue, is it better to find out sooner or later?
    Isn't the dating phase a series of finding out more about each other and simply a process?

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by mooseisloose
    I might be an alcoholic, and as far as I'm concerned I just bought my last bottle of whiskey for a very long time,
    To clarify, is this your own assessment? Or hers?

    It seems in contrast to your assertion that you drink on occasion.

  11. 03-13-2019, 03:50 AM

  12. #10
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    Well I actually have been an alcoholic in the past....I think whether you're an alcoholic or not very largely depends on the quantities of alcohol consumed in one go, how often you drink, for what reasons, and whether you're addicted to drinking and it interferes with your life. I'm not sure if even drinking moderately constitutes actually being an alcoholic?

    When you say you got a bottle of wine four days ago, did you drink it all in one go? Or did you have like two glasses of wine per day, for example? It's actually acceptable socially and even health wise to drink one or two glasses of wine per day, at dinner for example.

    While I understand where this girl is coming from regarding her past bad experiences, I also think she has a lot of baggage and she's putting it all on you. I think it's reasonable to say that she doesn't want to date an actual alcoholic. If you're not one though and she's jumping down your throat, that's not right.

    If she wants to date somebody that doesn't drink AT ALL then she needs to find a guy who literally never drinks. I think if you drink moderately then you shouldn't have to fully stop just for her. I think she has a lot of issues from her past that she hasn't dealt with. If she's not willing to work on them and put the past behind her, then maybe she's not the girl for her.

    But also to clarify, I think (just my opinion) that occasionally even drinking a lot is OK. Like if you're at a party or a wedding or something. It's acceptable in Western culture to drink on special occasions. As I said, if it's not constantly and in very large quantities then I personally don't see the issue.

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