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Thread: gf is super mad at me

  1. #21
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    She has emotional baggage from the past regarding alcoholics and what you said triggered her. This is HER PROBLEM, not yours. Some people have excess emotional baggage.

    I did the same thing last year dating a woman - i joked about dating a recovering drug addict in the past - it triggered her because she was one too. It would not have bothered a healthy person.

    Not everyone is a good catch - I don;t care how beautiful they are.

  2. #22
    OH i should mention the decision to slow up on the drinking was mine, she wouldnt' believe me anyways if i told her most likely.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by mooseisloose
    Thanks for all the responses, wow didn't expect so many, but just to clarify she does drink too, although I guess not at the rate that I do. Again, not proud if it, but it's never gotten me into any trouble, I hold a job take care of myself and family and finances no problems. That being said I do think this is the wake up call to find something more constructive to do with my time. Maybe I'll just text and test the waters, chances are it's headed for a break up anyways , might as well try to end on good terms.
    That means you are a functional alcoholic - you can hold down a job, etc, but you free time is about drinking. Maybe look into hobbies -- and put down the bottle.
    She doesn't have baggage - she has boundaries. She won't date an alcoholic. She was clear about that. I don't get why people are jumping on her for that.

  4. #24
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    OP, how much are you drinking, and how frequently?

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    Well I actually have been an alcoholic in the past....I think whether you're an alcoholic or not very largely depends on the quantities of alcohol consumed in one go, how often you drink, for what reasons, and whether you're addicted to drinking and it interferes with your life. I'm not sure if even drinking moderately constitutes actually being an alcoholic?

    When you say you got a bottle of wine four days ago, did you drink it all in one go? Or did you have like two glasses of wine per day, for example? It's actually acceptable socially and even health wise to drink one or two glasses of wine per day, at dinner for example.

    While I understand where this girl is coming from regarding her past bad experiences, I also think she has a lot of baggage and she's putting it all on you. I think it's reasonable to say that she doesn't want to date an actual alcoholic. If you're not one though and she's jumping down your throat, that's not right.

    If she wants to date somebody that doesn't drink AT ALL then she needs to find a guy who literally never drinks. I think if you drink moderately then you shouldn't have to fully stop just for her. I think she has a lot of issues from her past that she hasn't dealt with. If she's not willing to work on them and put the past behind her, then maybe she's not the girl for her.

    But also to clarify, I think (just my opinion) that occasionally even drinking a lot is OK. Like if you're at a party or a wedding or something. It's acceptable in Western culture to drink on special occasions. As I said, if it's not constantly and in very large quantities then I personally don't see the issue.
    I'll clarify this much. A bottle of wine is only 25 ounces. It is also typically only around 4.5% alcohol. Last time I had a bottle of wine, I finished it myself in about an hour.

    You had the equivalent of 2 cans of beer over 4 days. How are you defining being an alcoholic?

    In college, I was an alcoholic. This meant, I woke up and had beer for breakfast, usually a drink at lunch, and often I would sneak alcohol into my evening classes to share with friends. At the end of the day, I would drink myself to sleep. This was over the period of about a year. I was a functioning alcoholic with straight A's It got to the point where my kidneys literally hurt me. I knew I needed to slow down and stop. When it came time to stop, it was a full on battle complete with weeks of anger, anxiety, cold sweats, and the shakes.

    So, let's ask the question again. Are you an alcoholic?

    I think not from what I've read. Find a new girl, that one has unresolved issues and you aren't that invested in the relationship.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I'll clarify this much. A bottle of wine is only 25 ounces. It is also typically only around 4.5% alcohol. Last time I had a bottle of wine, I finished it myself in about an hour.

    You had the equivalent of 2 cans of beer over 4 days. How are you defining being an alcoholic?

    In college, I was an alcoholic. This meant, I woke up and had beer for breakfast, usually a drink at lunch, and often I would sneak alcohol into my evening classes to share with friends. At the end of the day, I would drink myself to sleep. This was over the period of about a year. I was a functioning alcoholic with straight A's It got to the point where my kidneys literally hurt me. I knew I needed to slow down and stop. When it came time to stop, it was a full on battle complete with weeks of anger, anxiety, cold sweats, and the shakes.

    So, let's ask the question again. Are you an alcoholic?

    I think not from what I've read. Find a new girl, that one has unresolved issues and you aren't that invested in the relationship.
    In what universe is wine only 4.5%? Itís usually over 10%... often over 12%.

    One glass of wine is about equivalent to one beer. Just clarifying.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    In what universe is wine only 4.5%? Itís usually over 10%... often over 12%.

    One glass of wine is about equivalent to one beer. Just clarifying.
    It depends where you buy it here. Most of the time it is %4.5 at the store. Higher content at the liquor store.

    At the liquor store however, I can also get very high content beer. Many of the craft beers I drink are over 12%. The whole point of my statement is, I don't believe him to be drinking alcoholic levels of alcohol.

    Even at that, 4 beers over 4 days? Alcoholic? Nope.

  9. #28
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    He said a bottle. It could be a bottle of wine, or it could be a jug of wine or it could be large bottle of whiskey.

    OP, you didn't answer my question...what kind of alcohol and how large bottle?

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by mooseisloose

    Earlier today we were talking and i mentioned that i had already finished a bottle I'd gotten four days ago. Happy conversation goes bad reallly fast, and she says I'm a liar like everyone else in her life and i'm an alcoholic.
    I think you are focusing on the wrong thing OP.

    Regardless of whether or not you are an alcoholic, or have a drinking problem, her accusations, maliciously calling you a liar and dumping you in with all the other losers she's dated?

    Flat out unacceptable, immediate deal breaker for any man with even a modicum of self-respect. But instead you apologized to her??

    May I ask what the heck you're thinking tolerating that insanity?

    Look, if she does not want to date a drinker, that's fine, her choice.

    The respectful way to handle that is calmly and rationally explain that to you, wish you well and walk away.

    Not toss accusations at you, irrationally calling you a liar, lumping you in with all the other losers she's ever dated, all because it took you four DAYS to finish off a bottle of wine or alcohol. Crazy!!

    Again, not quite sure what you're thinking by apologizing to her and wanting to continue dating her.

    She sounds like a nightmare.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I would not swamp her with gifts and messages, I'd let her cool off. From there she'll either balance the great month you've shared together, or she'll stay in her deep end--her choice, without your influence. That's really the only way to trust that if she stays with you, it won't be because you've badgered her into it.

    I don't view her reaction as being incompatible with what you both established on your first date--she was screening out heavy drinking, and you both arrived at 'occasional' drinking. Telling her you've downed a bottle of whiskey in 4 days was dumb on two counts: doing it, and telling her. So you got the reaction you fished for, and it makes no sense to pretzel yourself into doormat behavior in order to 'win' her back from that. It would be heaping lousy judgment on top of lousy judgment--which won't exactly win her respect. That's too 'ick'.

    I'd back off and let her contact you when she's ready. If that doesn't happen, you'll know why. If it does happen, then quit the apologies, you've already done that. You have the opportunity to prove to both her and yourself that you can dump marathon drinking and adopt a healthier way of life, or not. If not, then she's the least of your concerns.

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