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gf is super mad at me


mooseisloose

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Hey first time poster here, just need a little advice on how to proceed with a lil situation i find myself in tonight..

 

Been dating this girl for a month or so now, she's super sweet and i like her a lot.

 

When we had our first date, she asked if i was much of a drinker, I responded something to the effect of 'on occasion' She said she was too. She has a history of trouble with family and bfs being alcoholics is why she is asking. Totally valid and understandable. Earlier today we were talking and i mentioned that i had already finished a bottle I'd gotten four days ago. Happy conversation goes bad reallly fast, and she says I'm a liar like everyone else in her life and i'm an alcoholic. Her father and her last couple of bfs were all alcoholics she said, so that is stacked against me as well. I might be an alcoholic, and as far as I'm concerned I just bought my last bottle of whiskey for a very long time, maybe never again. I owned up to every bit of what she said and apologized. She said she's done talking for the night and i respect that, haven't bugged her.

 

I feel really terrible and want to make things right, if i can.. would it be a good idea to contact her tomorrow? I don't wanna wait too long and have her think I don't care. I was thinking I'd ask to see her and surprise her with some plants we looking at the previous night. (She loves plants)

 

Thanks for any help, advice, criticisms anyone might have

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If you don't know if you're an alcoholic, I'd suggest you stop dating for awhile and take a time out. It might be a better idea to seek help for your habit/s. Does it matter what type of alcoholic you are if you range from moderate to raging? I think this range implicates you enough to warrant seeking professional help.

 

If you care about her, don't contact her. Straighten yourself out.

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I second Holly. One month into your relationship and she’s already lumped you into her past baggage. Not cool! I suggest you re think this relationship and why you’re willing to put up with this drama so early in.

 

Right now should be butterflies and puppy lust, not her screaming at you for issues she’s clearly not dealt with.

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I'll be honest with you. This is not good. This could turn really bad, very quickly.

She seems to be drawn to those with drinking problems, as she hasn't dealt with being a child of an alcoholic. So there's a lot of this, which isn't about you at all. She's seeing you through distorted lenses.

She's trying to fix that old pain by putting herself in situations to relive it over and over again.

You admit you have some issues with drinking.

It's like gas on a fire both ways. Being together will feed the worst in both of you.

It sucks, but that's how it is IMO.

Best thing you could do is bow out now, respectfully.

You can let her know you do really like her, but you don't see it working out.

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Perhaps the key is that this is early days.

If a person were to find out the other person he/she were seeing is capable of downing a bottle (of ?) in four days, is it better to find out sooner or later?

If a person has previous experience with family members or loved ones with alcoholism and are sensitive to the issue, is it better to find out sooner or later?

Isn't the dating phase a series of finding out more about each other and simply a process?

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Well I actually have been an alcoholic in the past....I think whether you're an alcoholic or not very largely depends on the quantities of alcohol consumed in one go, how often you drink, for what reasons, and whether you're addicted to drinking and it interferes with your life. I'm not sure if even drinking moderately constitutes actually being an alcoholic?

 

When you say you got a bottle of wine four days ago, did you drink it all in one go? Or did you have like two glasses of wine per day, for example? It's actually acceptable socially and even health wise to drink one or two glasses of wine per day, at dinner for example.

 

While I understand where this girl is coming from regarding her past bad experiences, I also think she has a lot of baggage and she's putting it all on you. I think it's reasonable to say that she doesn't want to date an actual alcoholic. If you're not one though and she's jumping down your throat, that's not right.

 

If she wants to date somebody that doesn't drink AT ALL then she needs to find a guy who literally never drinks. I think if you drink moderately then you shouldn't have to fully stop just for her. I think she has a lot of issues from her past that she hasn't dealt with. If she's not willing to work on them and put the past behind her, then maybe she's not the girl for her.

 

But also to clarify, I think (just my opinion) that occasionally even drinking a lot is OK. Like if you're at a party or a wedding or something. It's acceptable in Western culture to drink on special occasions. As I said, if it's not constantly and in very large quantities then I personally don't see the issue.

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She is scared because of her past experience. You should not give her bad experience again. Well I drink once a week and occassionally but it doesn't mean I am alcoholic. She'd bad image of people who drink. That's fine. Give her sometime and she'll understand it isn't that people who drink are bad; people go to religious place aren't always good people.

 

Meet her as soon as possoble. Mostly girls start thinking worst even if there's nothing. So before it get worst, you should talk to her and show how much you respect her. Love and truth need each other. Tell her even if you drink frequently. Don't hide anything from her. It's better to say bitter truth than stay in a fantasy world full of lies.

 

Yes she does sound scared because of her past experience but she should not be taking it out on him. It sounds like she wants someone who does not drink at all and I guess that's up to her. She can go looking for a different guy that never drinks. I think she needs to make a distinction between a real alcoholic and just someone who drinks occasionally.

 

I don't think he needs to fully never drink ever again because she doesn't like it, it's her issue.

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You're not compatible. She has her issues with alcoholics and wants to date nondrinkers and you like to drink. Game over. Sounds like you "mentioned" this so she would pull the plug.

When we had our first date, she asked if i was much of a drinker, I responded something to the effect of 'on occasion'

Earlier today we were talking and i mentioned that i had already finished a bottle I'd gotten four days ago.

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Youre NOT an Alcoholic, my Dad was an Alcoholic, my Grandpa was an Alcoholic. Dude, i used to wake up at 7:00 to a four loko (i had just turned 21 and was on probation for weed) and go about my day productive and all, drinking at work, getting off drinking some more to finally pass out on a park bench around 7 or 8 pm, it took you 4 days to finish a Bottle, FOUR DAYS. You are NOT an Alcoholic. Don't let this girl convince you that you have a problem shes being really dramatic. If youre really into this girl the best you can do apologize (although i think you did nothing wrong) and do whatever it takes to convince her youre NOT her Father OR her Exes and that you CAN have an occasional drink now & then & not lose control

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You are you. She is who she is. Give up alcohol if that is what is right for you. I suggest you reconsider your habits if you use alcohol for relaxation, mood alteration, or escape - basically, anything other than a flavor experience. Or, if you pursue any athletic endeavors, as it is full of sugar and is working against your goals.

 

With respect to her ? Her rush to label you is a bit distressing, and so I wonder about her ability to be a healthy partner.

 

That said, if you like her, are interested in replacing alcoholic drinks with lemon water, bubbly water, etc., then Yes, proceed as planned.

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You were an alcoholic in the past.

 

Nope.

You ARE an alcoholic who experiences periods of sobriety.

Maybe this is the wake up call you need. Finishing a bottle by yourself in a couple of days?

 

You misrepresented yourself actually - an occasional drinker has a glass of champagne at a wedding, on occasional beer at a BBQ. They don't drink alone and finish the bottle alone.

I get that people say she has baggage - but on the other side of this -- its like looking for a non smoker and the person said "i did try a cigarette once" and in reality it means "i smoke, just not a whole pack a day" and then deciding the person who wants to date a nonsmoker being nuts. false advertising.

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Thanks for all the responses, wow didn't expect so many, but just to clarify she does drink too, although I guess not at the rate that I do. Again, not proud if it, but it's never gotten me into any trouble, I hold a job take care of myself and family and finances no problems. That being said I do think this is the wake up call to find something more constructive to do with my time. Maybe I'll just text and test the waters, chances are it's headed for a break up anyways , might as well try to end on good terms.

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She has emotional baggage from the past regarding alcoholics and what you said triggered her. This is HER PROBLEM, not yours. Some people have excess emotional baggage.

 

I did the same thing last year dating a woman - i joked about dating a recovering drug addict in the past - it triggered her because she was one too. It would not have bothered a healthy person.

 

Not everyone is a good catch - I don;t care how beautiful they are.

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Thanks for all the responses, wow didn't expect so many, but just to clarify she does drink too, although I guess not at the rate that I do. Again, not proud if it, but it's never gotten me into any trouble, I hold a job take care of myself and family and finances no problems. That being said I do think this is the wake up call to find something more constructive to do with my time. Maybe I'll just text and test the waters, chances are it's headed for a break up anyways , might as well try to end on good terms.

 

That means you are a functional alcoholic - you can hold down a job, etc, but you free time is about drinking. Maybe look into hobbies -- and put down the bottle.

She doesn't have baggage - she has boundaries. She won't date an alcoholic. She was clear about that. I don't get why people are jumping on her for that.

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Well I actually have been an alcoholic in the past....I think whether you're an alcoholic or not very largely depends on the quantities of alcohol consumed in one go, how often you drink, for what reasons, and whether you're addicted to drinking and it interferes with your life. I'm not sure if even drinking moderately constitutes actually being an alcoholic?

 

When you say you got a bottle of wine four days ago, did you drink it all in one go? Or did you have like two glasses of wine per day, for example? It's actually acceptable socially and even health wise to drink one or two glasses of wine per day, at dinner for example.

 

While I understand where this girl is coming from regarding her past bad experiences, I also think she has a lot of baggage and she's putting it all on you. I think it's reasonable to say that she doesn't want to date an actual alcoholic. If you're not one though and she's jumping down your throat, that's not right.

 

If she wants to date somebody that doesn't drink AT ALL then she needs to find a guy who literally never drinks. I think if you drink moderately then you shouldn't have to fully stop just for her. I think she has a lot of issues from her past that she hasn't dealt with. If she's not willing to work on them and put the past behind her, then maybe she's not the girl for her.

 

But also to clarify, I think (just my opinion) that occasionally even drinking a lot is OK. Like if you're at a party or a wedding or something. It's acceptable in Western culture to drink on special occasions. As I said, if it's not constantly and in very large quantities then I personally don't see the issue.

 

I'll clarify this much. A bottle of wine is only 25 ounces. It is also typically only around 4.5% alcohol. Last time I had a bottle of wine, I finished it myself in about an hour.

 

You had the equivalent of 2 cans of beer over 4 days. How are you defining being an alcoholic?

 

In college, I was an alcoholic. This meant, I woke up and had beer for breakfast, usually a drink at lunch, and often I would sneak alcohol into my evening classes to share with friends. At the end of the day, I would drink myself to sleep. This was over the period of about a year. I was a functioning alcoholic with straight A's It got to the point where my kidneys literally hurt me. I knew I needed to slow down and stop. When it came time to stop, it was a full on battle complete with weeks of anger, anxiety, cold sweats, and the shakes.

 

So, let's ask the question again. Are you an alcoholic?

 

I think not from what I've read. Find a new girl, that one has unresolved issues and you aren't that invested in the relationship.

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