It was only a dream but I feel there's more to it

I broke up with my ex around a year and a half ago. It was devastating, and took a long time to get over. I started dating my current partner a year ago, so basically 6 months ish after. It's been going good.

Except I've more or less kept in touch with my ex the whole time we've been broken up, with the exception of a month or two no contact. We always talk, platonically because even though we broke up, we've been friends for years, even before we were together. Anyway, they are in a LDR since we broke up, but recently we've completely cut ties. We haven't talked for around 2 months now, and honestly I've more or less been ok with that.

I had a nightmare where I was panicking really vividly and trying to wake myself up, but I couldn't. In the dream I kept telling myself "think about (ex), they'll calm you down. Think about (ex)." I started thinking about how happy we were and it did bring me out of the panic.

The problem is I don't know what this means and I feel a little sad that unconsciously even after 1.5 years broken up, they are probably the only person that could have calmed me down, even before my current partner. I'm confused by all of this.

Also apologies for the long word vomit - I tend to try write whatever is on my mind and this is a good place to.

Hi OP

It sounds like you still have unresolved issues to workout with the ex in your mind. Not nessecerly feelings but something preventing you from moving on fully.

The dream is signaling that.

I would try to find closure before giving yourself to another relationship. It’s not fair to your current boyfriend.

I know how you feel. It took truly four years and unsuccessful dating for me to find closure.

I’m hoping it won’t take as long for you. I would take the dream as face value but dig into the trigger.

Limichelle,

Thanks so much for your reply, it's very useful and I appreciate it. I would just want to ask - how do you find closure?

Does your current bf know you talk to your ex 'all the time'?

That's crossing boundaries and you shouldn't be doing this. You don't need to talk flirtatiously with someone to be crossing boundaries. How would you feel if your bf talked to his ex a lot. Yikes.

Limichelle,

 

Thanks so much for your reply, it's very useful and I appreciate it. I would just want to ask - how do you find closure?

Closure comes when you learn to fully let go and move on. That means cutting all ties with the ex by blocking that will help you go no contact and be able to better mourn the loss of the relationship.

I also suggest you be single right now. You’re not ready to be with someone new and six months after your relationship was still too soon. You’re trying to fill a void with this new guy. Yet still ponder the what if’s with the ex.

That’s not fair to the guy you’re with.

Closure comes when you’ve also accepted the ending to your past relationship and why he’s an ex and needs to stay an ex. You broke up for a reason.

I don't think you're ready to date anyone, OP.

You've got a lot of unresolved feelings about your ex, and it's not right that you continued to talk with him while dating your new guy. You know it's not just platonic for you, even if you would not actually physically betray your boyfriend. There is a piece of your heart still with him.

It's probably going to be best if you are single for a while until you really move past your ex. Keeping in touch with him has prevented you from truly doing so.

It's not sad or unconscious. She's a regular part of your everyday life. People dream about that type of thing all the time. Maybe you're just too close and not really as cool with being "just friends" as you believe. You may be with a man but you miss being with women.

I've more or less kept in touch with my ex the whole time we've been broken up, with the exception of a month or two no contact. We always talk

I feel a little sad that unconsciously even after 1.5 years broken up

It was a dream - dreams are random and goofy. It doesn't mean anything.