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Thread: Cheating? What would you do?

  1. #11
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    "but he did admit that I am his second choice as the other woman had blocked him." He feels like this after a two week online chat with a stranger. Yikes. This will happen again.

    Has he always been so unstable? I can't believe that someone would through their family away for someone they had never met, and after only two weeks! Something is very wrong with this person, and it is more than the marriage "taking a backseat."

    I would seek an attorney.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-12-2019 at 12:53 PM.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    It takes two to make a marriage take a backseat. Instead of planning dates, or buttering you up, he cheats on you. I don't care how much you love him - what he did is beyond selfish.

    I went through this over a year ago - 3rd time offense although the 3rd time was sexting, and he loves me and wants to be with me, not these other ladies. And your hubs thinks someone else is his soulmate? Honey, WAKE UP!!!! What he did and said is so beyond insulting, I'd like to throw all his stuff out on the lawn and burn it on your behalf.

    Tell him to go be with that woman, and let him experience reality and a wake-up call. Don't roll over. You know how long counseling can take to fix - years!!!! Years! And do you want to take years on a selfish man who could have hired babysitters or asked family to watch your kids while you got some alone time together or had a meal in peace together? Please, don't be a doormat. He needs more than couples counseling to jolt him that what he did was betrayal.

    I'd kick him out. If you wants this marriage (which I am sure he will), he will crawl back, rightly so.
    Can I help?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    "but he did admit that I am his second choice as the other woman had blocked him." He feels like this after a two week online chat with a stranger. Yikes. This will happen again.

    Has he always been so unstable? I can't believe that someone would through their family away for someone they had never met, and after only two weeks! Something is very wrong with this person, and it is more than the marriage "taking a backseat."

    I would seek an attorney.
    Yes, if his own wife is his second choice towards a woman he only met online for 2 weeks and he told her this, showing he doesn't give 2 Fs about how she feels or her... I don't know if there's much to save here.

    And regardless of what's missing in the marriage, this situation is his fault and his disrespect for the OP. That he doesn't give 2 Fs about the OPs feelings by going all aboard a stranger online and telling his own wife that she's his soulmate and that she's second choice to this online woman is what's more concerning to me. It shows the low level of respect and consideration he has for her that he'd jeopardise their marriage for a online stranger and throw it in OP's face like it's nothing.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    Yes, if his own wife is his second choice towards a woman he only met online for 2 weeks and he told her this, showing he doesn't give 2 Fs about how she feels or her... I don't know if there's much to save here.

    And regardless of what's missing in the marriage, this situation is his fault and his disrespect for the OP. That he doesn't give 2 Fs about the OPs feelings by going all aboard a stranger online and telling his own wife that she's his soulmate and that she's second choice to this online woman is what's more concerning to me. It shows the low level of respect and consideration he has for her that he'd jeopardise their marriage for a online stranger and throw it in OP's face like it's nothing.
    They don't even speak the same language.

    OP, he chose her over you and the kids. You need to look at the big picture, here.

    What are his issues?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    They don't even speak the same language.

    OP, he chose her over you and the kids. You need to look at the big picture, here.

    What are his issues?
    I see that the OP edited her post with more information after I had written my first reply. I will read again. But yes, his priorities seem clear to me. Also with all this "talking about his issues", it seemed more like he was using this woman as a therapist or something.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I see that the OP edited her post with more information after I had written my first reply. I will read again. But yes, his priorities seem clear to me. Also with all this "talking about his issues", it seemed more like he was using this woman as a therapist or something.
    How screwed up. I feel for the OP and kids.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Unsure28

    I just want to believe that what he had with her isn't real!
    Oh Unsure, IMVHO you are SO worried about the wrong things. You should be more concerned that your husband of TEN years who claims he wants to "be a family"- instead of just talking to you, his wife, reached out to stranger online. This is not about HER, it's about HIM- He already said he prefers a complete stranger to you- WHY do you love this man????- Go to counseling if you want, but I don't think it's going to do any good. Why? Because he doesn't seem sorry at ALL. He didn't reach out to you in the first place, you had to "catch" him doing it and contact the woman yourself or he'd still be in contact with her. Even after getting caught, he still said that she's his "first choice". He should have been saying that he's incredibly sorry and he couldn't believe he would do that, and that he loves you more than anything and he'll do anything to fix it. See what I'm saying?

    Your husband clearly does not love, respect or trust you. I would file for divorce if I were you. Or be content living with the fact that he's going to keep reaching out to other women and finding reasons to prefer them to you. He WILL eventually find one that knows he's married and won't care.

  9. #18
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    Welcome to ENA

    What you are dealing with is a fantasy in his mind of what this woman is and what she represents to him. Are they in love? Absolutely not! Is anything about their "relationship" real? Absolutely not! You cannot compete with a fantasy so don't try.

    I heard the same crap from my wife when I busted her. "It was fate" "He is my soul mate" "We are perfect for each other" It is all their way of making what they are doing (cheating) okay somehow.

    Counseling is good but you need to be aware that your love for him is clouding your judgment. Time to get real about all this which means you need to make some very hard choices right now.

    Don't make excuses for him or allow him to shift blame. He owns all of this cheating and non of it was your fault.

    Lost

  10. #19
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    Worrying about whether or not his "love" with this specific woman was real is beside the point, really, OP. The point is that he is checked out enough that he is looking for other options outside your marriage, and this will happen again if you two don't tackle all the issues, head-on. I would be wondering if this is the first time he's done something like this, or just the first time he's been caught.

    I'm very sorry you're going through this. He sounds like he's been emotionally detaching for a long time, and didn't really bother to clue you in.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Unsure28

    After just 2 weeks of talking, he said she is his soul mate and he's never felt this way about anyone else before. He knows when she's awake or asleep and they finish each other's sentences.

    I am not a spiritual person, so he tells me I don't understand the connection he felt with her... Is it really possible to fall in love with someone online in just two weeks?! They didn't even talk on the phone because of the language barrier!!
    Since this was all on line, they didn't speak the same language, or ever spoke on phone, I am wondering how they could finish each other's sentences. Makes no sense.

    In any event, I think in your husband's case, his mental stability, is very much the issue. One of the issues anyway.

    Why? Because he is your husband, your family and you are raising children together.

    Yes I understand on line connections to a degree, but his mindset in what's quoted above very much reflects that the man is just not right in the head, I'm sorry.

    He's unstable and not living in reality. Clearly!

    He should not be allowed to raise your kids (at least at the moment), he needs professional help and I'm sure if you think back over the years, this is not the first time his mental instability has affected your relationship.

    Unless he has recently had some sort of mid-life breakdown or something, which I suppose is possible.

    Man, if my husband (I'm not married but have a long term bf) said this to me, I'd seriously be frightened for him, he's living in some alternative universe wherein he truly believes he's "in love" with some on line fantasy he's known for two weeks and claims he's never felt this strongly about a woman before.

    Good lord.

    Think of your kids, and see a lawyer.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 03-12-2019 at 06:03 PM.

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