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Thread: Is it necessary for a mature and conscious adulthood to have a hedonistic youth?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I've always been cautious about my drinking and choices of who I've slept with as well. I grew up seeing the uglier side of excess, like you, a parent (and others around me) with drinking problems . And seeing friends suffer due to promiscuity. It was never glamourous to me nor held an appeal to go down that way for myself.

    I'm not sure why your ego hurts? It's different when you grow up seeing extreme versions of it. It's finding peace with that too, and coming to understand you do not have to be bound either way by others choices.

    I enjoyed and enjoy a glass of wine and a little rowdiness now and then. It took me a while to be comfortable with that though, that this is me, and I don't have to guard so hard against going too far. I think a lot of kids of alcoholics worry about that

  2. #22
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    But I actually don't know whether this is true, this is me, or just my ego taking every opportunity to feel wounded for things other people possess.
    What a rich, self-aware question. I think everyone has pangs of wishing to turn back the calendar from time to time. The one thing that helps me address regrets is to give myself permission to behave any way I wish NOW. You don't need to be 20 in order to drink or dance or do whatever you believe 'would have been' so great.

    I may not speak for everyone, but if it's any comfort, the reason that most of us outgrew partying is because we were BORED with it. Most of the time we only did it because we were bored enough to want to self-medicate. What should that tell you?

    Allow your introspection to lead you forward into desired behaviors rather than regretting your youth. I don't know of too many people who wouldn't have done things differently had they known HOW. So take what you know today, and spend your time any way you wish. If you're not motivated to do today what you were never invested in doing before, then doesn't that confirm for you that you made the right choices for you?

    Head high, you've got this.

  3. #23
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    Nah, you dont need that to have fulfilled life. I recently started listening to Rogans podcast and in one podcast he said that he wasnt really going out as teen etc, and look at him he has pretty fulfilling life.

  4. #24
    Gold Member LC8328's Avatar
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    Your mistake, in my opinion, is that you are going off what you believe is a universal checklist for life. Simply put, you cannot resolve your personal issues in the same way that you balance your checkbook or figure out a math equation. They are entirely different parts of life, and they are to be solved in entirely different manners.

    One day when you're a parent, you'll see that there is no standard way to raise children. Even if two children have the same mother and father, they could have completely different personalities, so their parents might have to treat each child a bit differently. One child might be fascinated with screwdrivers and more than anything, wants to hold one in his hand. But this is dangerous for such little toddlers. So the parents have to lock up the tool box and over and over say NO when the child wants to grab the screwdriver he sometimes sees in his parents' hands. But the other child may not care one way or another for the screwdriver, so they would never have to hear the parents say NO SCREWDRIVER! One child will grow up with the memory of the yelling. The other, not directly so the memory won't be as bad for him. Parents adapt to the personalities of their children.

    You are not a toddler anymore, but being that you're human, the same basic principle holds true. What is good for one may not be good for another. There is no definite way to know either way, and honestly, ANY type of lifestyle will have good and bad aspects to it. It's not so black and white.

    So, please delete that checklist from your head permanently. You're putting yourself through unnecessary strain here.

    Maybe you should be asking yourself another question, such as, "will living in a way that has been out of character for me, be beneficial for me in the long run"? It could be. No one knows for sure. Just make sure that if you do follow that path, you practice responsible drinking and safe sex. There is nothing desirable or fun about a person who loses control so much that their life falls apart.

    Good luck.

    ~LC

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member superfan's Avatar
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    It sounds like you're assuming drinking and partying in your 20s somehow leads to emotional maturity.

    It doesn't. The truth is that some people enjoy drinking and partying and some don't. Some enjoy one night stands and casual sex and some don't. Unless it's done to excess or in a way that's unhealthy, none of these things are "bad". They are just choices that people made.

    I drank in my 20s. I went to parties. I wouldn't refer to that part of my life as "hedonistic", nor do I miss it now that I'm a mother who has given up that sort of thing. I love being in bed by 10.

    You seem to think you've missed out on some kind of necessary milestone that leads to greater awareness and that couldn't be further from the truth. For some, their mistakes bring clarity. Others don't consider events from their youth a mistake.

    I think you definitely sound like you lack emotional maturity. I don't think it's because you didn't drink but I do think you lack self awareness and self confidence. I would concentrate on finding those parts of yourself over worrying about all those great parties you missed.

  7. #26
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    If partying means getting drunk/having casual sex/using drugs I agree. I always thought it included going out to clubs and dance places and concerts, staying out till all hours etc whether or not the person had a drop to drink, etc. I was around a lot of hungover, drunk, sick (meaning sick from drinking) and stoned people -mostly when they were in that situation I found them kind of boring and at times mildly entertaining. I don't think those people benefited from that part of the behavior. I find it mildly annoying now when certain of my facebook friends reference those days with that kind of coy bravado and name drop about who they met/hung out with (we lived in a major city which made it even more fun to go out at night).

    I'm glad I had the social life I did and for that long. I wasn't "popular" and I was socially adventurous and saw and did a lot of neat things. Just as neat was when in my 30s I got to know a lot of "theater people" including my boyfriend at the time (stage design as a hobby) and I loved meeting that crowd, going to lots of plays, performances, etc. And meeting people through travel and volunteering.

  8. #27
    Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I was considered 'Miss Goody Two Shoes' back in the day and I too felt as if I missed out on what everyone else was doing: partying, drinking, drugs, living a promiscuous lifestyle, involved in meaningless, temporary relationships and basically floundering in life. I was a square and did things properly but in the end it paid off. Since I was very picky and choosy regarding my conduct and choosing whom I wished to associate with, this spelled a happily ever after. Don't go with the tide because you're not missing anything. Other serious people are the same way and when the time comes to find the right person, they know who they want and who doesn't make the cut. You can be the same way. It's the squares and normal people who are successful today. Not the ones who were too busy fooling around and not focused on what matters such as living a clean, healthy life and meeting a person whose values are the same. Stick to your convictions and never waver from your true self. You'll thank yourself later.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Statistics are never "fair".
    Originally Posted by indea08
    Okay first of all, itís incredibly unfair to state or assume that people who did have an eventful youth are wrought with STDs, pregnancy, health problems, and pathetic careers.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I was considered 'Miss Goody Two Shoes' back in the day and I too felt as if I missed out on what everyone else was doing: partying, drinking, drugs, living a promiscuous lifestyle, involved in meaningless, temporary relationships and basically floundering in life. I was a square and did things properly but in the end it paid off. Since I was very picky and choosy regarding my conduct and choosing whom I wished to associate with, this spelled a happily ever after. Don't go with the tide because you're not missing anything. Other serious people are the same way and when the time comes to find the right person, they know who they want and who doesn't make the cut. You can be the same way. It's the squares and normal people who are successful today. Not the ones who were too busy fooling around and not focused on what matters such as living a clean, healthy life and meeting a person whose values are the same. Stick to your convictions and never waver from your true self. You'll thank yourself later.
    I was more like you and also advocate a balance. As I wrote I've never been drunk, tried drugs or was promiscuous. But had a blast being around people who did (other than when it got gross or potentially dangerous). I loved all the dancing away the nights I did at clubs and concerts in my major city -memories of a lifetime. And often people like me -the goodie two shoes -might have a number of short term relationships in the search for Mr. Right and it might seem "meaningless" to strangers but it is not -some "temporary" happens because of luck, timing or getting in one's own way IMO. But yes I am with you and I am surprised sometimes at my annoyance at Facebook friends who I knew back then bragging about nights out I was not around for or the typical bragging about how drunk/stoned/crazy they acted. Thanks for posting!

  11. #30
    Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Thanks Batya33

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