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Thread: Is it necessary for a mature and conscious adulthood to have a hedonistic youth?

  1. #11
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    What do you mean by finishing school for life? I am actually going with the flow a lot. In the sense that I have a difficulty of saying no, and then I tend to want to do too many things at the same time. But I think you mean going with flow in a different sense.

    But over-thinking was something my ex girlfriend told me a lot I am doing, and that I should just be present.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Bubbl12
    What do you mean by finishing school for life? I am actually going with the flow a lot. In the sense that I have a difficulty of saying no, and then I tend to want to do too many things at the same time. But I think you mean going with flow in a different sense.
    A finishing school as a place to prepare for the next phase.

    Going with the flow does not mean doing too many things, nor does it mean not saying "no."

    To me, if you're experiencing life in the moment, you act. You do not hang back. But you do take on what life presents.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Don't confuse getting wasted with meaningful friendships. The two are not connected.
    This is how I met my best friend, but indeed true.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hardly anything to be proud of when you get STDs, hangovers, fatty livers and crappy college grades, flunk out, end up working at a fast-food drive-through and live in moms basement.
    Originally Posted by Bubbl12
    My ego wants to constantly cover up or make up for what I seemingly have missed in my early 20s - partying and getting drunk - maybe doing crazy things sexually.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Okay first of all, itís incredibly unfair to state or assume that people who did have an eventful youth are wrought with STDs, pregnancy, health problems, and pathetic careers. My God, judgemental much??

    I partied in high school. I drank more than I shouldíve. I connected with many friends because of it. Not that I felt like I had to drink to fit in, but having those crazy stories and experiences to share really is a sort of bonding experience. I didnít get pregnant, or get an STD, and I have a successful career.

    I think having those experiences at an early age probably did help me feel accepted, which probably helped my self-confidence and Iím sure eventually aided in me becoming the very bold person I am today. I guess what Iím most grateful for related to those experiences in my youth is that I did it early and grew out of it early. I can definitely see myself being a bit more high strung now if I hadnít already done all that stuff back then. I made it through college with no issues and rarely (like once a year after New Years) come in to work hungover, so it never really affected my adult life, because I was well over it by the time I was 20.

    Regardless, you canít go back and change the past. Would you be a different person if youíd had a more colorful past? Probably. But obviously, that wasnít what you wanted or you wouldíve done that. Are you feeling the urge to go experience it now?? Go have a few benders, just be safe. But resenting the fact that you never acted out is useless. Do you like who you are? If so, why the need for a different life? Iím grateful for my memories, but arenít you grateful for yours as well?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Hmmmm.... when I read your description of the girl you were seeing I get the sense that perhaps you were attracted to the "bad girl" in her... and you admit yourself that you were codependent with her. While it's entirely possible to heal while in a relationship with someone, you need to be your own person with a solid foundation of self-awareness in order to do so, otherwise it becomes even more damaging to your self-esteem / self-worth.

    And speaking as someone who did have that hedonistic youth in my late teens and early 20's I am here to tell you that it does nothing to make you a better person. At the end of the day I think it's not about the partying and drinking.... instead it is about allowing yourself the opportunity to take risks and try things and to go after what you have always wanted and believing yourself worthy of the life and relationships you want.

  8. #17
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    I am 52. I've never been drunk or tried an illegal drug or had a one night or even a two night stand. From the time I was around 14 and throughout my 20s and into my 30s I had a ton of fun including going out till all hours at awesome clubs dancing my heart out, going to singles resorts, singles parties, traveling (although not for very extended periods) and I was around a lot of alcohol and drugs. My husband grew up a bit more sheltered than me and wasn't into the clubs/dancing/rock and new wave concerts I was. He has been drunk or at least very buzzed in his life -I don't think ever around me or after we met (we originally met in our late 20s). He wasn't promiscuous in the least and neither was I. He was far more reserved and shy than I was and it all works out. I do not regret any of the fun I had -I did do some dumb things, some things I regret, nothing awful or terrible. Friends of mine did though. I've seen people who spent a lot of time using drugs/drinking/being promiscuous take a different path when they get older and others did not. I can't say anything general. I married and became a parent later in life (early 40s) and one reason I'm totally fine not going out much anymore is because I know I've had my share and then some.

    I think my social life back then helped me figure out who I was, who I liked ,who liked me and I feel chills when I hear some of the 80s music that's for sure!!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Partying isn't limited to the 20's crowd. So if you feel like you are missing out to the point where it's affecting you, your life, your self esteem, and your relationships, then quite frankly nothing is stopping you from hooking up with people who are partying and experiencing that. Go and do it and see reality and how it works for you or not.

    That said, if you are always fixated on what you don't have and imagining how other people's lives must be so much more fabulous, you have bigger personal issues to resolve than just wanting to party.

  10. #19
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    I had a WILD AND CRAZY YOUTH!!!!! before kids. But some of the most coolest, badass people I have ever met didn't drink or do drugs. They traveled the world. Volunteered. Open businesses. Invented things.

    Everyone marches to their own drum. Everyone marches to a different beat, and that is what makes people awesome, unique, and special.

  11. #20
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    I was drunk plenty as a teenager and early 20ís and spent thousands and thousands on booze. Puked my brains out for 10 years. Didnít add one thing to my life.

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