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Thread: Could use some advice here

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
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    Could use some advice here

    So I have a really close guy friend who got married recently. Now I'm really close to both him and his wife. They both live in my city.

    I went to his home city for their wedding, he introduced me to his best man (childhood best friend) who was/is also single. We had a few conversations, the guy was really busy at the wedding and my trip was short. I did notice he was super caring and an amazing friend - was doing a lot for our mutual friend who was getting married. Just generally sweet, taking care of us so well as a host. It was very kind.

    A few months later I added him on facebook just to thank him for everything and shortly after we started texting.

    This is where it gets confusing. The guy is extremely reserved but would text me a lot. We would have repetitive conversations.... ones that wouldnt go very far, mostly small talk about the weather and how I should visit their city again... general topics. It didnt help that we live in different cities so there was no real connect felt.

    He then planned a trip to our city, and only told me about it - asked me about where to stay and how to travel around and about his dates. He reached here and the three of us obviously hung out, it was a crazy night with too much to drink. He was hitting on me openly in a very funny way and overall it was just a lot of laughs mostly because none of us were sober and he can be crazy fun and loud. I havent laughed so much in years. He was an absolute gentleman through it all.... besides my friend was with us so nothing weird. Again, just plain fun - at no point do I get to know the real him.

    The next day we were all hung over and he was super quiet and a bit awkward around me. Still sweet but awkward for sure. He left the same day.

    he continued texting me often but there is no real conversation happening. I still dont feel like I know him and quite honestly wonder how he isnt bored as yet.
    So the last time he texted, I actually told him that I'm unable to crack this one and finding it tough to get to know him and i think he felt a bit bad. I tried to say it as nicely as possible because I was just wondering what is even the point of keeping in touch??

    He then called me the next day and it felt a bit different, i have no idea what happened but somewhere down the conversation (not sure what it was) but I felt my heart get a bit faster. I think it was his tone or the way he was talking but there was def something there. I wondered if I had feelings for him because I couldnt stop thinking about him for the rest of the evening....and was really confused.

    Hes gone quiet again, so maybe Im reading too much into this?

    I just dont know what he wants and if this is even going anywhere.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    This is the problem with long term relationships - it's hard to keep or even establish a relationship sometimes.

    Forget about him and date locally - you are probably just spinning your wheels and giving yourself a headache, lol

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    LDRs have a low rate of success unless a couple started locally, had a strong bond, and had to be temporarily separated because of education or work. LDRs are too expensive, the dating can't be done at a normal pace, there's a lot of lonely nights of being a skypeing/texting buddy, and if a move took place, there's usually a lot of anguish for the person who has to move and be wrenched away from friend/family/job.

    On top of that, he's not meeting your needs as far as a connection. I remember my father telling me about how in high school, he dated the prettiest blonde cheerleader, but found that she was very one-dimensional, and he never felt like he could have in depth conversations of substance with her. That's why he broke it off with her and ended up with my mother.

    What would I do in your shoes? If he texts or e-mails you again, I'd say: I've decided I'm spending too much time investing in a long distance friendship versus getting out in the real world locally. I think it's best we stop contacting each other. I wish you the best.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Sounds like a case of liquid courage got a normally reserved guy to become more spontaneous and outgoing.

    Do you normally like dating more outgoing guys? It sounds like you may not be a big fan of the strong silent type.

    Of course, he could really like you and it's becoming awkward for him as he is trying to be someone who he isn't..an extroverted fun guy.

    The only way to "crack this one" is to go out with him some more and see if things have potential.
    Good luck!

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you have a crush on him but he's not interested in dating or a relationship with you. Could be anything particularly the distance. Why not back burner him in the acquaintance folder, since he is no more than a friend of friends.
    Originally Posted by Creamybutter
    He then planned a trip to our city, and only told me about it - asked me about where to stay and how to travel around and about his dates.
    He reached here and the three of us obviously hung out, it was a crazy night with too much to drink.

    he continued texting me often but there is no real conversation happening.

  7. #6
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    I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here and trying to read tea leaves when it's much much more simple. He knows you are interested in him. If your question is whether he wants to take you on a one on one date, the answer is no, but in the future he might. Right now he does not or he would have asked you. He's had ample opportunity. In the future he might but your texting and being this available to him and oozing interest is not going to incentivize him to put in the effort to make a plan to see you in person. So, I would nicely and matter of factly text him in response -only if he texts you "it's been so fun keeping in touch! I'm a little too busy these days to type back and forth and if you're ever in my town again and want to get together let me know and hopefully we can make a plan then. All the best!"

    I'll add that if you have serious interest in a person, stay sober and plan to spend time in a situation where you are both sober or at least not drunk.

    If your question is "does he like flirting with me long distance?" The answer is yes.

  8. #7
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Curious....how far away is his city to yours? 1 hour drive? 2 hour plane trip?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    What I see is a guy that has shown obvious interest in you and received nothing in return from you.

    You said he was reserved kind of person so it took some courage for him to call you like he did. The whole texting thing seems like such a waste of time when you could simply push that little green button and place an actual voice call and have a real conversation.

    From what you have said I would think you like like him.

    I have a couple of simple questions you need to answer for yourself:

    1. Is the distance so great that any type of dating would be non productive?
    2. Would you be willing to relocate for love?
    3. Is he your type? Looks, demeanor, style, age, personality

    Lost

  10. #9
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    posted in wrong post!!!!!

  11. #10
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He's being civil/polite because of your mutual connections. Drop it and let this go.
    He may also be a bit more pragmatic about your non-local coordinates and down to earth.

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