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Thread: Do I have a right to get upset about my boyfriend doing this?

  1. #1
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    Do I have a right to get upset about my boyfriend doing this?

    To cut a long story short, I get upset when my boyfriend likes other girls photos on social media and knowing that heís friendly with other girls. What makes it harder is that weíre both at the same university and he is friends with a few girls I know of but arenít personally friendly with myself.

    Yesterday we had a massive argument because he got funny with me because I worry a lot about whether heís overly friendly with these girls behind my back. He said how he should be allowed to have girl friends and that I need to grow up, and how he feels like he has had to be rude to them because of me. This upset me even more because I felt like he was defending them in a way and seems to care so much about being friends with these girls because his guy mates at uni hang around with them and go on nights out etc.

    Maybe I am being mean immature but I find it so hard to understand why my boyfriend should care about being friends with other girls. These girls are attractive as well and one of them definitely seemed to get a bit too friendly with him which even he agreed with me about, this girl also likes all his photos and even uploaded a photo of herself in his hoodie which she decided to wear after he left it at his guy friendís uni flat?

    I donít like him being friendly with them because I feel like they are interested in him. I donít understand why as a guy with a girlfriend he should want relationships with other women? I donít even consider liking guys photos or even want to hang out with them.

    Itís hard because we are both very set in our different opinions about this although I know for a fact if the shoe was on the other foot he would hate me being friends with and socialising with attractive guys at uni who he doesnít know.

    Opinions?

  2. #2
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    Should he just cut contact with all his friends now?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long have you been dating? Are you exclusive? It's not your call to tell anyone who they can be friends with, talk to or interact with on social media. That is jealous, insecure and controlling. What you need to do is figure out why you are this insecure and where you stand with our bf. Also you should be more like him and have a wider circle of friends and activities.

    He's not in prison and you are not his prison guard. Make an appt with a counselor on campus to explore and sort out where these insecure controlling tenancies come from and get this green-eyed monster under control. No guy is going to stick around when you dictate and bicker about who he is "allowed" to talk to or be friends with.
    Originally Posted by Jask2019
    weíre both at the same university and he is friends with a few girls I know of but arenít personally friendly with myself.

    I find it so hard to understand why my boyfriend should care about being friends with other girls. These girls are attractive as well
    I donít like him being friendly with them because I feel like they are interested in him.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    The first thing I do with a new girlfriend (after six months), is introduce them to my lady friends.........but I'm one of the good guys. If he's not introducing you to them after six months, he's a bad man. period.

    In relationships, you can't just do whatever you want - relationships take work. Guys should not be looking at or dating other girls (nor should women).

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  6. #5
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    I can understand your feelings, and I remember those days. Parties, flirting, hot girls, guys and girls who want to play. It would bother me now to see my BF liking a ton of women's photos, particularly ones who seem flirty with him, but you've kind of got to learn to swallow that and trust him. Certainly if he's flirting back, you have a leg to stand on, but if he's flirting back, you should be questioning why you keep him around. If you don't trust him, there's not a lot to work with. Do you trust him or not? I agree, seek a counselor to see if you can learn some tools to work with this anxiety and recognize if you're putting up with garbage from your guy or not. Men cannot narrow their friendships to men only and never like a female's posts. That's just silly. Of your guy friends, even your old HS FB friends that you really don't see, do you refrain from likes or comments? Do you limit yourself b/c of your BF? Do you disallow them on your social media? Do you wish you could comment or like? I mean, think of your own actions...are you cheating because you "liked" someone's picture or story?

    Bottom line is you've got to get a handle on that little green-eyed monster hanging out in your head. It's called jealousy, and it's normal...but you're over the top controlling and anxious and fearful. You have every right to be a little suspicious and a little jealous over hoodie girl. The hoodie situation would have had me up in arms, I'm sure. However, the bottom line is whether or not you trust your BF, and it's a risk because you can't know he won't stray without a shadow of a doubt, but you you have to trust him, and if you don't, then the question is why.

  7. #6
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    Yes, we are exclusive. We were together for 2 years, broke up, and have been back together for almost another year. I think my insecurity also stems from the fact when he broke up with me, he was with a new girl who I had never even heard of 2 weeks after.

    I donít have a massive group of friends but I do have friends who I can hang out with, Iím just not a huge socialite. I like my own company.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok so the real problem is the on/off relationship and that he uses breakups to play the field. Seriously reconsider if this is the type of thing you want to waste your time on. If he can drop you like a hot potato whenever someone new comes along, he doesn't sound like bf material. The female friends thing is only a symptom of bigger problems.

  9. #8
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    I donít think I do hold back from doings things such as liking other guys posts because I donít see the need but I guess thatís because I know I donít like it when my boyfriend does. We were together for 2 years, he broke up with me and was then seeing someone else 2 weeks after, and now weíre back together. I think thatís a reason why Iím like this. I want to see the sense in what youíre saying about guys having girl friends but I canít help but not like it, I donít want counselling for this either. X

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He's not going to change, so it's best you walk away from a relationship that has you more upset than satisfied. Date someone who is compatible with your views on friendships.

  11. #10
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    We broke up once, it was for a long time, 10 months and he was with that girl all that time but he said it was because he wasnít ready to commit (in terms of a long relationship) and she made out she felt the same when really she didnít then they ended up official and then he ended up getting back with me after trying very hard to earn my trust back and get me back, saying how it was a mistake. I made it clear to him I want a long-term relationship and Iím not going to be with someone with the idea that it isnít going to last, he agreed and said he wants this for good now and that he sees what I mean now. However I think what sticks in the back of my mind is how I feel like he would leave me in a snap of the fingers like he did before, or at least thatís how it felt to me.

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