Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: Do I have a right to get upset about my boyfriend doing this?

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    10
    It’s hard because I don’t feel I should give up a relationship and someone I love a lot because of the indifference, I do feel like I connect with him better than anyone

  2. #12
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    122
    You will never properly trust him again. Cut the relationship off before you waste any more time and heartbreak. When he askes why, tell him exactly how you feel. If he is at all interested, he will listen and correct. If not, good luck to him.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    48,777
    I grew up without internet or social media. I always had male friends. Some were people I'd dated, some were not. I am 52 now and still have male friends and made new male acquaintances in the last few years (in both cases, dads who were at the same location as me when our kids met). My husband has always had female friends. I think having friends is really important. Here is my boundary with friends of the opposite gender - no going out on dates one on one (meaning no romantic dinners on a Saturday night, no sharing a hotel room ,etc), the friend has to be supportive of our relationship and I have to have the opportunity to meet the person.

    I would not be ok with a guy I was involved with "liking" photos of women friends based on their physical features - I have some FAcebook friends who regularly post "glam shots" and look for attention, and get it. I would not like if my husband (if he was on FAcebook, he's not active on social media) commented or liked a woman's physical features. I never do that with men - it wouldn't occur to me- seems juvenile and silly. Come up with your own boundaries. If your boundary is that a man should drop all his female friends if he is dating you then my suggestion is to join a religious organization for your religion where the members adhere to that kind of restriction. I think there are people who are not religious who do, of course! - just much harder to find. If you are not a religious person then simply understand that by requiring a man not to have any contact with a person in a friendly, platonic way because she is a female who is not his mother/relative then you'll simply severely limit your dating pool. And that's ok!

  4. #14
    Silver Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    545
    Gender
    Male
    All comes down to trust.

    Can you trust that he would deflect anything beyond platonic friendship?

    Trust takes a while to build in most relationships. Find a time when you are both enjoying time together and have a heart to heart with him about your feelings. Just know that insecurity can be relationship killers.

  5.  

  6. #15

    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3
    Gender
    Male
    You can't police everyone he talks to, do you honestly think you can make him only have male friends? I hate to tell you this but if he's a good looking, nice guy, women will ALWAYS flirt with him. Not every single woman but for the rest of his life he will have women flirt. Some with good intentions, some with bad. That's a reality of life. You're going to stress yourself out, and burn him out if you try to police every interaction he has with the world.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,522
    Gender
    Female
    I understand how you feel, because I once felt that way too. Everyone told me I needed to chill, but I just couldn’t, and it even had me asking myself “am I becoming a crazy girlfriend?”

    Fast forward a few years, a few boyfriends, and a few lessons later and I learned that it wasn’t me being crazy. It was me being with a guy who did nothing to make me feel secure.

    If you’re feeling insecure to the point where you can’t handle your boyfriend having female friends, you’re with the wrong guy.

    Now I’m married and I know my husband adores me, his actions show me that everyday. If one of his female friends, or anyone really, tried to tell me he’d done something inappropriate, I’d laugh and say “yeah right.” He told me that a few of the older ladies where he works told him he was their eye candy lol. Good for him!! He IS cute and it made him feel good to hear someone other than me say it. Stay with the guy who makes you feel so loved and secure that you don’t need to doubt him.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,637
    You need to deal with your insecurities and controlling ways. If anyone told me that I could not communicate with my male friends, it would be done.

    Your relationship will not work due to your trust issues. Either you trust him, or you don't.

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    15
    Originally Posted by indea08
    I understand how you feel, because I once felt that way too. Everyone told me I needed to chill, but I just couldn’t, and it even had me asking myself “am I becoming a crazy girlfriend?”

    Fast forward a few years, a few boyfriends, and a few lessons later and I learned that it wasn’t me being crazy. It was me being with a guy who did nothing to make me feel secure.

    If you’re feeling insecure to the point where you can’t handle your boyfriend having female friends, you’re with the wrong guy.

    Now I’m married and I know my husband adores me, his actions show me that everyday. If one of his female friends, or anyone really, tried to tell me he’d done something inappropriate, I’d laugh and say “yeah right.” He told me that a few of the older ladies where he works told him he was their eye candy lol. Good for him!! He IS cute and it made him feel good to hear someone other than me say it. Stay with the guy who makes you feel so loved and secure that you don’t need to doubt him.
    I LOVE this post! I agree 100%. What he won't do, another man will; and trust me when I say men have this mind set a lot of the time, vs. women who will fight to be with one person, and these types of relationships means it must be more one-sided on your part. Someone who is FOR you, by destiny and by their own choice, will not make you feel insecure and will reassure you. I didn't like seeing that he got into an argument with you over what you said instead of reassuring you, especially telling you to "grow up" and making you feel like you're immature; he shouldn't be saying that to you and making you feel that way. It's obvious these girls are a bad group of "friends". Therefore, if he really cared about this relationship, he would've, on HIS OWN, stopped being friends with them or distanced himself already because it's a negative impact on the relationship. There are people in this world who don't understand how to be loyal to people, or they only become loyal to those they really want, which neither one is good because they end up putting you in a bad spot that makes you feel bad about yourself, and that should never happen in a good, healthy relationship. And you said "university", so I'm guessing you guys are young, which means as a young guy, he's most likely still very immature which is why he's making you feel like YOU'RE the immature one, when you're not. This doesn't sound like a good relationship. You're the one who doesn't want to give up; he's the one who found someone else right away when you guys did before. Most guys are like, "All right, who's next?" More women should be like that, too, especially with guys like this. Don't ever do for a man what he wouldn't do for you. I think you should move on. Who cares if it was 2 years? They don't. This doesn't sound like a good relationship, and it sounds like you need to build more on your self-respect. I recommend this youtube channel for you; it will boost you up: [Register to see the link]

    For you, I would watch the videos she has that speaks about how to emotionally detach; emotions vs. logic, but watch the other ones, too, to help build you up even more.

    This one applies to your situation: [Register to see the link]

    I feel like it's only ok for guys to like pics of girl friends when they really just friends, as in they are girls you know of and girls who you can tell it really is just casual with that they know. Social media friends, a lot of them are platonic friendships that you will most likely not meet because it's just that they knew each other from school way back or something. Pictures of those people celebrating, or casually looking good; a like for those here and there isn't bad, and when it comes to this stuff, you also have to have a strong intuition coupled with good eyes, lol, to tell if it's more. Intuition is VERY important. Also - don't be afraid to put men in their place and ask them how they would feel in your shoes. Guys like your boyfriend will be ok with mistreating you, but will act like you if you were to do the same thing to them. Ha - I bet he would be so angry if you had this harem of guy friends that are all over you, with that one guy who's rubbing your sweater all over himself. If he wouldn't be bothered, that's another red flag by itself.
    Last edited by Oh me Oh I; 03-12-2019 at 03:57 PM.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    10,037
    Insecurities, even justifiable ones, aren't an excuse for bad behavior. It doesn't matter if you broke up or what he did during your time apart. Nagging your partner over their social life and choice of friends isn't acceptable. Dump him if you don't trust him.

  11. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    10
    Thank you so much. That advice was very useful. :)

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •