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Thread: Just my insecurity? Or smth worth talking about

  1. #11
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    Some questions to think about:

    Why do you think that he likes the way those characters look so much? You said they are the best characters to play the game. Maybe he likes them because of that. Remember, he didn't make those characters look like that, and he agreed with you that they are overdone.

    Does he have pictures of them up around, like on his computer screen or walls, or phone, indicating that he likes to gaze at them when not playing the games?

    NO ONE naturally looks like those cartoon characters. They are someone's idea of an extreme ideal. NO ONE with any sort of normal mature reality expects anyone to naturally really look like that, and virtually no one wants a real person who looks like that.

    He may have some physical attraction to a certain look, and he may have fantasies about that look. That doesn't mean that his attraction to a person starts and ends there. Guys compartmentalize their attraction to a person much easier than women do. A man can love a woman who looks nothing like his ideal fantasy girl, because it's just a sexual fantasy and it's not something he loves with his heart and mind.

    I actually think it's a good sign that he thinks you're overreacting to it. That might mean that to him, it's not that big of a deal and that he never even thinks about it.

    Is he pushing you to get implants? When you say he encourages you to work out, how pushy is he about it? I mean, does he mention it all the time or did he just throw that out there, once? If it's the latter, well that was a little insensitive but not necessarily indicative of a strong dissatisfaction with your body.

  2. #12
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by chocopie
    The reason why this is bothering me more than it should is also because he only tells me my boobs look good when I wear push up bra that adds 3+ cups to what I have now and constantly asks me to wear them again. I sometimes do costumes to keep things interesting and he always picks the ones that will only work with larger chest and asks me to wear push up so I look close to what the models look like. He also said he would like it if I had a bigger butt and encourages me to work out. Since I was always kinda considered getting a boob job, I asked him how he would feel about that and he said he will hate it because he doesnít like anything fake. So all these things combined with ridiculous looking characters makes me feel pretty crap.

    If I’m to seek for a therapist, is there someone who specializes on body issues or can I get any therapist?
    Okay, so he is directly feeding your body insecurity. Dump this guy and find someone who loves you for who you are. Not every dude is even into big breasts and they aren't the only aspect that make a woman attractive.

  3. #13
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    OK, well I think there are a lot of things at play here. First of all, as everyone else was saying in their comments that you need to like yourself first and foremost. That is VERY true! I think some people that have low self-esteem and insecurities about their body won't actually feel better about themselves even if they lose/gain weight or get plastic surgery. You see people on those extremist TV shows like "Hooked on the Look" where they just keep getting more and more plastic surgery to look "perfect". But guess what, they looked fine as they were (they show before and after photos) and they look FAR from perfect. They just look like a puffer fish with giant balloons for breasts lol

    There is definitely an "ideal" portrayed in the media still of what a woman should look like and that is a fairly unattainable look to most real life women. The woman is supppsed to have a pretty face, preferably blonde, big breasts, small waist, curvy bottom. Only few can look like that and as you mentioned, sometimes it's because they got a boob job.

    And look, at the end of the day if someone wants to enhance themselves, such as body modifications or plastic surgery (even I have a tattoo!) then if it makes them feel good then by all means do it. But if you're getting those things because you don't like yourself and you're trying to make guys like you then I personally think it's for the wrong reasons. I think it's very important to like yourself because, as the old cliche goes...If you don't like yourself then how can you expect others to like you.

    I myself think there is a difference between liking certain type movie stars, porn stars and video game characters and between what people you would date in real life. For example, my favourite actor is Ryan Gosling and I have a massive crush on him but no way do I expect my partner to look like Ryan Gosling. If I did I may be single forever!

    If your boyfriend is just playing those video games then I don't see the harm in that. However if he does tell you to pad your bra or get a bigger bum or whatever then that's wrong. If he doesn't like you as you are then I think you need to end the relationship. Largely we can't really change our body so as long as we eat in a healthy way and lead a healthy lifestyle overall then that's the best we can do. It's important to like ourselves and to date people who appreciate us as we are.

  4. #14
    Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    He shouldn't be making comments about you having a bigger anything or a smaller anything. If you are a healthy individual (not severely overweight or underweight) and you maintain adequate fitness levels and take care of yourself and eat adequately, he should NOT be criticizing your body. He is entitled to his opinions and YOU are entitled to opine back. If you dislike his criticisms, speak up. He is not forced to date you and he can very well date someone else. The same goes for you and your freedom to date whomever pleases you.

    I disagree that you need to look beneath any reasons for him making the comments he's making. It's inappropriate and emotional abuse over a certain length of time. You may not notice it at first but the effects of someone's criticisms or negativity surrounding your body image is extremely damaging. I wouldn't stand for it especially if I knew with certainty that I am a healthy individual and living proof of good choices when it comes to health and lifestyle choices. You get to pick what you stand for and what matters to you so pick carefully and don't ever second guess yourself or allow someone to undercut you.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    At first, you said you only thought he was secretly wishing you were different.

    Once you didn't get the response you wanted, you changed your story to include that he wants you to dress different and change how you look.
    This.

    OP, why didn't include this information about your bras and his costuming you in your first post? It's important because it indicates there's a lot more going on what what you initially described.

  7. #16

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    I first didn't include the details because I was only thinking about my insecurities triggered by the fictional characters and wanted to focus on that. I should have wrote what also happened in the original post. I always thought(or was told) I'm just overreacting or I'm just blaming my insecurities on my bf but it's a relief to hear what was suggested to me was inappropriate. I have some thinking to do now, thank you all for the advice.
    Last edited by chocopie; 03-14-2019 at 08:55 PM.

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