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Thread: Dancing With Demons

  1. #31
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    What I want help with is either moving on or fixing the relationship. I need to battle this depression.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    Not you. I am saying that we did not want one.

    Me? I wanted to get married when I proposed. She wanted to wait a year so she could have her dream wedding that she always imagined. I personally didn't see anything wrong with getting what she wanted. It made her happy. It didn't hurt anyone. A long engagement doesn't make it any less serious.
    She wanted a dream party. The wedding is the vows, the ceremony. She wanted a dream wedding reception and was willing to not to be married to you for an entire year when she already had a child with you so she could have a particular type of wedding reception on the same day as the vows. To me personally those values are telling. It's not the same as a couple who have a long engagement and do not yet have a child and often they have a long engagement for many reasons not just because of a party.

    Anyway I also recommend therapy. Your dismissiveness is a shame.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I addressed the concerns already. They weren't as "deep rooted" as you say. The teasing was a bad habit.
    Depending on her for my desire for cleanliness was a mistake I won't make again.
    There is nothing else that can be done about the past. I have also changed careers and alleviated a lot of my stress that caused some of our issues, but it is all too late.


    I was correct that you have an experience from the other side of the coin which has caused you to focus on "my issues". You do not think change is possible without therapy. Personally, therapy is just a tool.
    My comments towards you do not apply to me personally, at least not in that situation. I advise many on this site to seek therapy. when it seems necessary. Many others do, as well.

    I do support therapy, and think it can be a necessary vehicle in recovery and working through one's past. If you are in such a deep depression, meds and talk could help you work through these issues.

    Your relationship is done. You also do not trust her, with good reason.

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    She wanted a dream party. The wedding is the vows, the ceremony. She wanted a dream wedding reception and was willing to not to be married to you for an entire year when she already had a child with you so she could have a particular type of wedding reception on the same day as the vows. To me personally those values are telling. It's not the same as a couple who have a long engagement and do not yet have a child and often they have a long engagement for many reasons not just because of a party.

    Anyway I also recommend therapy. Your dismissiveness is a shame.
    I just don't see how the length of the engagement affects the seriousness with which I took the vows? She has been the only person in this world I took the relationship to anywhere near this level. She may be the only woman I have ever told that I loved. I waited until I was sure before I told her I loved her as well. When I say something, I mean it.

    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    My comments towards you do not apply to me personally, at least not in that situation. I advise many on this site to seek therapy. when it seems necessary. Many others do, as well.

    I do support therapy, and think it can be a necessary vehicle in recovery and working through one's past. If you are in such a deep depression, meds and talk could help you work through these issues.

    Your relationship is done. You also do not trust her, with good reason.
    Then I apologize, I was wrong.

    I hear you. However, what other ways that are not therapy can help me cope? I want to face my depression, but professional therapy isn't the route I want to take.

    I've had friends go to therapy, and it is all a personal experience. One friend was on antidepressants for a year, and after she was taken off of them, still had to face her issues. My other friend went to 3 different therapists until he found one that helped him cope.


    I don't trust her, but I don't entirely blame her for how she ended things. I feel that I could learn to trust her again should she be willing to open up and give our relationship a real shot. Currently, I am trying to remain friends with her and help her out in any way I can, but it is hard.

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  6. #35
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    I think that if you are honest, you are afraid of dealing with deep-down issues. You are so resistant. I don;t get what you are scared of, If you were suicidal and in a deep state of depression, you cannot do this on your own. Why can't you do meds and see a therapist? Do this for your daughter. So stubborn!

    You never trusted her after she cheated on you. You will never trust her. She is with someone else, and you must accept that is is over. Why are you helping her out. Let her bf do that. Focus on your child.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    I think that if you are honest, you are afraid of dealing with deep-down issues. You are so resistant. I don;t get what you are scared of, If you were suicidal and in a deep state of depression, you cannot do this on your own. Why can't you do meds and see a therapist? Do this for your daughter. So stubborn!

    You never trusted her after she cheated on you. You will never trust her. She is with someone else, and you must accept that is is over. Why are you helping her out. Let her bf do that. Focus on your child.

    I'm no longer suicidal. Things have gotten slightly better. I will do ok for a few days, and then suddenly depression hits again. Things seem slightly better.
    Meds are only chemicals that temporarily block what is truly going on. I don't want to do that.

    I am a bit stubborn, but being stubborn is often an asset.

    I could have trusted her, if she wasn't so secretive with her phone. She was this way the entire relationship.

    I help her because I still love her and do not want to see her fail. Example, she had an exam the other day due at 11:30 at night. She was behind in her class with no chance to study. So I went to her apartment with food and got our daughter in bed after feeding her so my ex could study and pass her class. She was in a stressful situation, so I helped when she needed it.

  8. #37
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    I don't see being stubborn as an asset. At all.

    She is not your responsibility, your child is. She has a bf and has moved out. You should not want to see her fail, but do not be her doormat.

    Then, get counseling. Dude, what you are doing is NOT working. Get some help so that you can be the best father possible. I feel like we are going in circles.

    I wish you the best!!!!

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I haven't, and I likely won't. I considered it, and I'm just not comfortable going to counseling. I personally do not believe I would find peace by paying a stranger or strangers to talk with me. I do understand the appeal however.
    I do think you should get some counseling. What you are doing on your own isnt getting you anywhere. Counselors know how to talk to people, how to help them thru a rough time, which is what you are in. You cant do this on your own, your posts prove that. It's not a failure of you as a human being to need some help. I urge you to do this for yourself and your child. She needs you. I hope your car never starts if you feel suicidal ever again.

  10. #39
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    Being stubborn got me my new job, a Master's degree and BS in 4 years combined, and countless other things through my life. It is certainly an asset.

    I know she isn't my responsibility, but leaving my child unfed and awake at midnight because her mother is too busy studying?


    Thanks.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I do think you should get some counseling. What you are doing on your own isnt getting you anywhere. Counselors know how to talk to people, how to help them thru a rough time, which is what you are in. You cant do this on your own, your posts prove that. It's not a failure of you as a human being to need some help. I urge you to do this for yourself and your child. She needs you. I hope your car never starts if you feel suicidal ever again.
    If I continue this route on my own, you guarantee I will fail?

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