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Thread: Dancing With Demons

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    After I made the joke, I told her how great she did. I shouldn't have made the joke in the first place.

    I honestly was just trying to tease her. I know you won't understand.
    Why not just congratulate. I'm certain this was a pattern.

    In your opening, you mentioned that you "may need therapy," yet when we brought it up, you clearly stated that you were a different person and learned from the experience? Hmmm.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Why not just congratulate. I'm certain this was a pattern.

    In your opening, you mentioned that you "may need therapy," yet when we brought it up, you clearly stated that you were a different person and learned from the experience? Hmmm.
    I was trying to flirt with her. Like I said, you would not understand. Sometimes, guys like to pick at the ones they love. She used to enjoy it. Then something changed or I took it too far.

    I may need therapy for my deep depression and suicidal thoughts.

    I don't think I need therapy to reflect on my mistakes in the relationship. It wont happen in a future relationship. I know what I did. I am fully suffering from the consequences of my own actions.

    I do know that you are holding onto this part of my story very tightly, and it wasn't the focus of the story. I sense some personal issues with an ex in you.

  3. #23
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    Those "mistakes" in your relationship are deep-rooted. I don't understand why you are so resistant to addressing this?

    Now you are deflecting. I am simply trying to get you to address your issues professionally., being passive aggressive, is not something that is overcome easily, nor is making inappropriate digs and control..

    When I was done with my ex, I was done. He was not going to change, and I accepted it.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    We did not want to get married just because of the fact we were having a child together. We wanted it to be on our own terms, and because we loved each other.

    She expressed concerns about not wanting to get married while pregnant as well. Eventually I proposed, and then we waited a year so my wife could have the Fall country wedding she always wanted.
    OK I see and that gives me a lot of insight. She was more interested in the party than the wedding (the wedding ceremony I mean, the vows) and neither of you valued the marital commitment much -you don't have to of course but then it's not surprising she'd throw in the towel and dissolve your vows seemingly "easily". I had zero concerns about getting married while pregnant. I was overjoyed to get married and loved our wedding so much (magical day with 10 guests at my inlaws' home). Of course she's also throwing in the towel on the relationship but neither of you was really into the marital commitment - despite her interest in a specific type of wedding reception.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Those "mistakes" in your relationship are deep-rooted. I don't understand why you are so resistant to addressing this?

    Now you are deflecting. I am simply trying to get you to address your issues professionally., being passive aggressive, is not something that is overcome easily, nor is making inappropriate digs and control..

    When I was done with my ex, I was done. He was not going to change, and I accepted it.
    I was correct.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    OK I see and that gives me a lot of insight. She was more interested in the party than the wedding (the wedding ceremony I mean, the vows) and neither of you valued the marital commitment much -you don't have to of course but then it's not surprising she'd throw in the towel and dissolve your vows seemingly "easily". I had zero concerns about getting married while pregnant. I was overjoyed to get married and loved our wedding so much (magical day with 10 guests at my inlaws' home). Of course she's also throwing in the towel on the relationship but neither of you was really into the marital commitment - despite her interest in a specific type of wedding reception.
    How was I not into the marital commitment? I still want to work on things. She does not.

    If I did not mean forever, I would have never asked her. We just didn't believe a child is a reason to hold a shotgun wedding.


    I did not take my vows lightly.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    How was I not into the marital commitment? I still want to work on things. She does not.

    If I did not mean forever, I would have never asked her. We just didn't believe a child is a reason to hold a shotgun wedding.


    I did not take my vows lightly.
    Not a shotgun wedding at all! Huh? A shotgun wedding is when you marry someone just because of a pregnancy not because you love them and want to marry them. We had planned on marrying but not till we lived in the same city. And when I got pregnant we moved up the wedding date and got married earlier than planned. You may not have taken your vows lightly but she was willing to have a child without being married and wait so that she could have the particular kind of party she wanted. Those were her priorities. My husband said we could have a party after the baby came if I wanted -he was totally on board. I did not want a wedding reception and didn't want to spend the $ on that especially since we were now parents. I'm sure when you took your vows you didn't take them lightly but it was not a priority to marry her based on the length of your relationship and your willingness to wait even a year after you became parents just so she could have a party on the same day you took your wedding vows. So I think that is one factor in this - there wasn't a serious emphasis on a marital commitment and that makes it easier to walk away from it.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I was correct.
    About?....

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Not a shotgun wedding at all! Huh? A shotgun wedding is when you marry someone just because of a pregnancy not because you love them and want to marry them. We had planned on marrying but not till we lived in the same city. And when I got pregnant we moved up the wedding date and got married earlier than planned. You may not have taken your vows lightly but she was willing to have a child without being married and wait so that she could have the particular kind of party she wanted. Those were her priorities. My husband said we could have a party after the baby came if I wanted -he was totally on board. I did not want a wedding reception and didn't want to spend the $ on that especially since we were now parents. I'm sure when you took your vows you didn't take them lightly but it was not a priority to marry her based on the length of your relationship and your willingness to wait even a year after you became parents just so she could have a party on the same day you took your wedding vows. So I think that is one factor in this - there wasn't a serious emphasis on a marital commitment and that makes it easier to walk away from it.
    Not you. I am saying that we did not want one.

    Me? I wanted to get married when I proposed. She wanted to wait a year so she could have her dream wedding that she always imagined. I personally didn't see anything wrong with getting what she wanted. It made her happy. It didn't hurt anyone. A long engagement doesn't make it any less serious.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    About?....
    I addressed the concerns already. They weren't as "deep rooted" as you say. The teasing was a bad habit.
    Depending on her for my desire for cleanliness was a mistake I won't make again.
    There is nothing else that can be done about the past. I have also changed careers and alleviated a lot of my stress that caused some of our issues, but it is all too late.


    I was correct that you have an experience from the other side of the coin which has caused you to focus on "my issues". You do not think change is possible without therapy. Personally, therapy is just a tool.

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