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Thread: struggling to trust boyfriend on a night out.

  1. #1

    struggling to trust boyfriend on a night out.

    Me and my boyfriend have an amazing relationship, he is lovely, caring, takes care of me and i couldn't be happier. Both of us work full time monday to friday so only see each other 1 night a week and spend friday night, saturday and sunday together. Which works brilliant for us both as it keeps us missing each other as well. Neither of us go on nights out with friends as were not that kind of people, we both have a small circle of friends, he knows mine, i know his. We just don't like nights out to clubs.
    The problem is hes going out with his friend tonight apparently just them two for his friends birthday. He cant handle his drink and before getting with me he would drink alot on nights out and not know what hes doing, which he has told me when we got together. Since iv'e known about his night out (the past week or so), i cant stop worrying that hes going to do something whilst out. I know he would never cheat and trust him. My issue is if he gets how he use to and doesn't know what hes doing then he will do something.
    Iv'e spoken to him about it and hes told me that wont happen but his friend is also a very bad influence as i know he cheats on his partner when he goes out.
    How am i suppose to stop worrying that he will do something ?
    I know deep down he wouldn't but there's still that worry and fear that he will ?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Expectations
    I know he would never cheat and trust him.
    Either you trust him or you don't.
    You should be able to trust him in any environment and around any kind of influential friend.

  3. #3
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    I would be concerned about his choice in friends.

    How old is he? Is he in his teens?

    You are not his mother. If a grown man is so irresponsible that he cannot control himself from getting blackout drunk, you have bigger problems than the drinking.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why don't you make a date to hang out with one of your friends and do a girls night to keep you occupied and your mind off of your boyfriend who is a grown man and who knows what happens when he drinks too much. If he drinks too much knowing that he gets himself into trouble when he does, then you might want to reconsider a life with a guy that knows he can't handle his liquor and still drinks to access.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You dont trust him or you would not be asking this. If your relationship is so "amazing" why dont you have confidence in him? What is it you fear? Getting totally hammered? Coming on to another woman? Neither? Something else? You need to get a grip! He's supposedly an adult and you are not his mother. Find something to do that night, hang with a girlfriend.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    ^^^^ Exactly. How 'amazing' can your relationship be if you don't trust him to go out with a friend for the evening?

    If you can't trust him, you might want to rethink your entire relationship.

  8. #7
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    There is no "but..." after "I trust him".

    You don't trust him, which is why you're concerned.

    Unless he never goes out again, you'll be going through this every time. Do you want that?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Either you trust him or you don't.
    You should be able to trust him in any environment and around any kind of influential friend.
    I agree. He should be in any environment and if he's a good man, you can trust him. If he is sketchy and you're not sure what he will do, then you've got a problem.

    But you might want to ask yourself why he drinks to excess where he blacks out and why he chooses to stay friends who are cheaters.
    That sounds like trouble to me.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If you can't trust someone to be out in the world without you for a night, what should that tell you?

    Do you want an equal partner for a lover, or do you want to play the parent to another adult?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    "He cant handle his drink and before getting with me he would drink alot on nights out and not know what hes doing, which he has told me when we got together."

    Can you give some details about things he's told you he's done when he drinks? Have you ever witnessed what happens when he drinks? How long have you two dated?

    There are red flags about people who choose to continue to drink when they lose all sense of reason and black out or find themselves in strange peoples beds or behaving in a way they are embarrassed about the next day, if that's what's happening. If that's occurring, you shouldn't be so caught up in the honeymoon stage, if that's where you are right now, to project further into your life. What if you two ended up living together, and since you see each other daily and the new high of being in a relationship wears off, and he returns to his old pattern of a social life spent regularly in a bar?

    If he has cheated on women in the past and blames alcohol use, then I'd ask him why he would put himself in that position. If that's the case, it's up to you to walk away from a person with an alcohol problem or ask him to build a different type of social life with you without alcohol and see if he's up for it. There are social things you can do with other couples or a group of friends that don't involve alcohol. You can have friends over for poker and a meal. You can have a cookout. It's time to steer the relationship in the way you want it to go and see if he likes that direction as well. If not, realize you're not compatible.

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