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Thread: I havenít met his kids!

  1. #1
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    I havenít met his kids!

    I have been in a relationship since 2014 it went pretty fast got married in 2016 and had two kids back to back. My husband has two other children from a previous relationship they are now 6 and 9. I have never met them!!! He recently last year took our two boys too meet them at his sons football practice. And now recently he has mentioned he wants to plan a boys weekend me not included... not too mention I have a 13 year old who obviously lives with us and he had always been involved with. His excuses go from I couldnít tell her because she is jealous and wonít let me see the kids in fact he never told her I was pregnant the first time and that we moved in, she found out through social media creeping... then she got full custody of the kids and asked for child support. She clearly knows we are together, our wedding was 2016 a lot of anger between the two of them because again he did not tell her about the wedding? This could go on and on fact is he has allowed me to say Hi on FaceTime too his kids but I still have not met them is going On? Iím ready to honestly give up on this marriage... when I bring it up he says he doesnít want to confuse the kids????? Please help me I desperately need advice?

    Thanks
    Momof3boys
    Sent from my iPhone

  2. #2
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    He married you when his youngest child was 3 or so? And in the past 3 years he never told his alleged ex that you two are married?

    His ex cannot withhold the children from him if there is a court ordered visitation schedule. She would be in contempt of court. So he is either uninformed or he is lying to you and still involved with her in some way.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    You say she got full custody but he is planning a weekend away with them... Could you please take a breath and describe the week to week visitation schedule? How long has it been in place? How long have they been divorced?

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    sorry, i would not have married him unless you met his children prior to the wedding. Not early on - but after the engagement has happened.

    i would have no issue with him taking his kids that he does not have custody of and doing something special with just the two of them --- but the fact that you never met them at all -- unless he was an absent father and now is starting to try to be in their lives.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Your situation has red flags a flyin!

    Can I ask why his ex got full custody? Did your husband not contest that? Does his ex and other children live long distance to you and him and your children?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So his youngest was an infant or 1 when you two got together and his oldest was 3? I'm assuming he had no break between being with her before being with you. If I was dating, I'd question why a man couldn't make it work with a woman who he liked well enough to have sex with within a year of meeting you. When you fast forwarded the relationship, you didn't give yourself the time necessary to know whether he was a good lifetime partner or not. And now you're surprised at the consequences?

    His poor kids. No regular long periods of time spent with their dad. Little tidbits, it sounds like. I wouldn't be surprised if he's still boinking his ex, and doesn't want his boys mixed up by having them meet you, another woman, when they thought their mom was the only woman in their dad's life.

    I'd recommend couples counseling between you two, to see if a professional can get through to him. Because what he's doing isn't good for his sons or his relationship with you. I'd let him know that paying for counseling will be a lot less money than child support if you want to give him an ultimatum.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Something smells fishy here.

  9. #8
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    Yes correct his other child was 3, she new that we were together and going to get married but he never gave her the wedding details and when she found out afterwards was infuriated their two boys were not in the wedding or invited... she only went to court when she first found out we were together because she said he was neglecting his kids and living a new life. I have always wanted to meet them ... and itís always excuses there too young, I m not ready... but we are married and two kids, i feel like maybe he was still involved when we first started ?

  10. #9
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    He was married for 5 years too her, he said the mutually broke up, when I started dating him his one son was 3 and the other was 6 years old, apperntly when she got pregnant with the second they decided too call it quits ? And split ... so they have been divorced since then.... he is of Nigerian culture Iím not sure if this has something to do with it? My boys are 2 and 3 years old

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Momof3boys
    Yes correct his other child was 3, she new that we were together and going to get married but he never gave her the wedding details and when she found out afterwards was infuriated their two boys were not in the wedding or invited... she only went to court when she first found out we were together because she said he was neglecting his kids and living a new life. I have always wanted to meet them ... and itís always excuses there too young, I m not ready... but we are married and two kids, i feel like maybe he was still involved when we first started ?
    I think its disgraceful that his children were not invited to be a part of your wedding. It sounds like the mother wasn't keeping the kids from him as she went to court on their behalf to fight for them. You had a chance to bridge the gap - to refuse to marry unless you met the boys and that they were a welcome part of your family even if he did not have custody. You had every chance to say "okay, you don't want me to meet them -- well then i am not walking down the aisle".



    apperntly when she got pregnant with the second they decided too call it quits ?


    That should not be a question mark. you should know why they broke up, even if it was mutual to decide if he was someone worth going forward with. WHo knows -- he could have ran around on her when she was pregnant and they mutually decided it was not working -- you don't know.

    I think that you should allow him to do something with his two kids he doesn't have custody of and i also think you should write a note to the mother expressing your desire to meet the boys -- that you were not able to meet them before the wedding and would love to. You might even find you get along fine with her and it might mean that your kids get to know their brothers. But that is just me.

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