Jump to content

Is he being unfair?


GloriaMarie

Recommended Posts

Hello, I have been with my current boyfriend for over a year. Just yesterday, I was laying on his bed with him and bumped his 32 in tv that was laying on the side of his bed. It fell over, and later that night he sent me a picture of the screen all shattered. He recently bought a new 40 in tv and so he wasn’t using it. I immediately apologized and he was very unhappy. I offered to replace it if he for some reason needed it. He then went on to say that he wants me to pay him back $75. He is in college and lives on his own so I can understand why he would need the money. But, he’s had the tv for years and only paid $100. I’m also in college as well and don’t make a lot. He then went on to say it was a perfectly good tv and how he was gonna sell it. I feel like even if he did sell it he wouldn’t get that much! I’m conflicted right now because I feel he’s being a little unfair. It was an accident, and I feel like maybe we can compromise. I would like to pay him some of the money, and we take the rest out of date night or something. I just feel like as his girlfriend he should be more understanding. Is this a red flag? I want to be with someone who has empathy and understands me, but instead he kinda just expects the most out of me at all times. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? I would appreciate some opinions/ perspectives. Thank you.

Link to comment

For me, it's a given that if I break something of someone's , I will replace it or give them a fair average market value for it.

I don't expect special passes because I am close to someone, though people will often offer to forget about it.

It's not the time to be chintzy on your part, but that's only my opinion. Why would you want someone you care for to bite it when an accident happens?

 

The language you use makes me think you did wish he'd have said 'forget it, it's ok, buy me pizza or something'. Does it matter if he uses it or not? Why say I'll replace it IF you have a real need for it? Just do it- that's my thinking.

 

Again it's just my way of thinking but I'd do more than that even if the person was being so generous. It's courtesy and about your own set of values you live by.

 

I recently replaced a ( pricey to me) board game of a friends. I spilled wine on it. Total accident, she said it's no big deal, but I could tell she was happy I bought her a new one.

Link to comment

He’s had it for a few years and it was just propped against the bed because he just didn’t have a place anywhere else I guess. He had recently put the new one in. I don’t know if it’s worth breaking up over, but I think it’s just more of a concern about what will happen in the future.

Link to comment
He’s had it for a few years and it was just propped against the bed because he just didn’t have a place anywhere else I guess. He had recently put the new one in. I don’t know if it’s worth breaking up over, but I think it’s just more of a concern about what will happen in the future.

 

I would pay what he asks. Proceed carefully. The TV needs to someplace other than propped near the bed.

Link to comment
Of course if it's less than what your boyfriend asked for, then expect to be single.

 

Okay, I guess I could have put that in there too, as I was thinking it.

 

But, while the OP needs to take full responsibility, I don't think it is fair to charge her extra. Personally, I think his monetary expectation is too high for a used tv. (And I could be wrong). The best way to find out a fair amount is to see what it realistically would have gone for.

 

However, if he has to pay a disposal fee too, then OP should pay that as well as for the t.v.

Link to comment

I think it's highly unlikely that the OPs boyfriend would get that much for an old TV. More than likely he would have ended up having to find a place that would recycle old electronics. The fact that it had been there for so long is a testament to the fact that it probably had little resale value.

 

It sounds to me like her boyfriend is cheap and a bit of an opportunist. He saw this as a way of getting a few extra bucks for a TV he probably knew he couldn't sell.

 

I think the OP needs to decide if this is the hill she wants to die on relationship-wise. For me, I would likely give him $50 and end the relationship. Something like this is an indicator of how finances will be handled in the future and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I am getting nickle and dimed for everything.

Link to comment
I think it's highly unlikely that the OPs boyfriend would get that much for an old TV. More than likely he would have ended up having to find a place that would recycle old electronics. The fact that it had been there for so long is a testament to the fact that it probably had little resale value.

 

It sounds to me like her boyfriend is cheap and a bit of an opportunist. He saw this as a way of getting a few extra bucks for a TV he probably knew he couldn't sell.

 

I think the OP needs to decide if this is the hill she wants to die on relationship-wise. For me, I would likely give him $50 and end the relationship. Something like this is an indicator of how finances will be handled in the future and I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I am getting nickle and dimed for everything.

That is what I was thinking.

Link to comment

How would you have handled it if you were in his shoes? If your approaches to money are very different, then that's a sign of incompatibility. Imo, the fair thing to do would be to replace what you broke i.e. buy him a used one, same model, same condition.

 

I would pay up and then break up. His approach sounds too cold for my taste.

Link to comment

Unfortunately when you break someone's belongings you have to pay. If he asks $75 then that's what it is. Stop haggling, give him the money then end it with this on/off selfish abusive jerk. It's not your job to determine it's value. His stuff, his price.

 

Get away from this creep. If you had done so the last of the 100 times he's dumped you, this would not have happened. You can't make good deals with bad people, it's that simple.

I was dating my ex for 9 months and we had a pretty rocky relationship. We would go through periods where he wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of days because he needed to think. I just felt alone and had no one else. He said he’d leave my stuff outside and a breakup text was what I deserved.
Link to comment

I know how this conversation would have gone down when my husband and I were dating and I was at his place a lot. If I'd broken something like that I would have offered immediately to make it right and he would have said "oh, it was an accident, don't worry about it". And knowing him he would have added "I shouldn't have stored it by the bed"- I would have done the same. If it was his computer or something essential he needed I probably would have insisted and/or taken the steps to help him replace, make the calls, etc. Also I likely would have taken him out to dinner or something like that as my "sorry I was such a klutz".

Link to comment

It sounds to me like her boyfriend is cheap and a bit of an opportunist. He saw this as a way of getting a few extra bucks for a TV he probably knew he couldn't sell.

 

I think the OP needs to decide if this is the hill she wants to die on relationship-wise. For me, I would likely give him $50 and end the relationship.

 

I'm with this ^^^ except for the $50. He sounds wound too tight and would probably stalk me for the rest, so I'd say, "Here's your money, and lets call it a day." He'd be history.

 

I agree with the folks who say that our own behavior is a reflection on us--NOT to someone else, but it's the message we send to our Selves. I'd consider the $100 bucks my tuition for learning what I needed to 'see' about this guy, because his behavior reflects on him. And it's not pretty.

Link to comment

 

I immediately apologized and he was very unhappy.

 

^So he did not accept your apology, proceeded to pour on the guilt, and demanded you pay him back the measly $75.00 for an old TV he was not even using.. Ugh.

 

My first thought? What a friggin baby.

 

Nevermind the money, I will happily pay him and then buh bye. I'll even put the $$ in a pretty envelope with bright blue ribbon if he wants!! Lol

 

Accidents happen. When they do and the person apologizes, as mature adults we forgive them. It was an insignificant "thing."

 

Friends, family, significant others.

 

To me, his response after you apologized speaks volumes, sends a very strong message that he is an unforgiving person, a money-pincher, a guilt-tripper.

 

I know I could never be with a man like this, but your call.

 

I would also NEVER insist on my bf, friend or family (or anyone) giving me money for such an insignificant item that they knocked over and broke/damaged by accident.

 

Good lord.

Link to comment
I would pay him what he wants and break up. We all need to pay for our accidents but he is being petulant about it. How old is this TV ? Why was it so close to the bed?

 

I like this answer.

 

He could probably sell the TV for 15 to 20 dollars. He sounds like a jerk.

Link to comment
In my opinion, you should pay him fair and square. You wrecked his tv, even if it was an accident. There is a good chance he could have gotten $75 for it as tv's are very expensive now a days to buy new.

 

Just own up to what you did, pay him and move on.

 

I just bought a new TV and they are so cheap. I paid $130 for a Samsung. The fact that he is asking $75 is crazy.

 

OP, check market prices online. Do you know the year?

Link to comment
I just bought a new TV and they are so cheap. I paid $130 for a Samsung. The fact that he is asking $75 is crazy.

 

OP, check market prices online. Do you know the year?

 

$25.00 tops!!

 

I simply can't believe he is making this much of a fuss over it.

 

It was an accident for heaven's sake. Over what amounts to $25 TV he wasn't even using.

 

There must be something deeper going on here, OP how is your relationship otherwise?

Link to comment

Unless it is a smart TV they are not a lot of money. You can get like a 60 inch for $350 at a boxing day sale . Smart TVs are more pricey . It’s a regular 32 inch flatscreen TV that he bought a couple years ago it’s not worth $75 . Just give him his $75 and tell him to get a new girlfriend .

Link to comment

"My ex dumped me

Hi! I need help... I was dating my ex for 9 months (we had been talking 11), and we had a pretty rocky relationship. We would go through periods where he wouldn’t talk to me for a couple of days because he needed to think. This gave me anxiety, panic attacks, all of it. In term, I don’t think we were good for each other but I loved him. Recently, he pulled one of his he needs to think breaks. I expected him to really break up with me this time. I had a friend in college who I had been talking to and I told him about the situation and we started talking. I got his Snapchat at school and we messaged a lot, talking about general friendly things. A couple days later he asked me to go out for ice cream and I did, just honestly needing a friend. I was at one of the lowest points in my life , so I was happy to have someone to talk to. Later that day my ex wanted to talk again and give it another chance. At this point I was confused because I actually had a fun time hanging out with this guy and wasn’t sure if I liked him or not. We had a conversation about it on Snapchat, where he said he was crushing on me. I told him that I wasn’t sure where I was at and didn’t want him waiting on me. I hung out with my ex for a few days, but when we got home one night he was going through my Snapchat. He saw the guy was my best friend but couldn’t find the messages and demanded to see them. I had cleared the conversation just in case, because I know how worked up he gets. He hates any forum of cheating, but to me I had no intention of doing that or hurting him. I just felt alone and had no one else. I lied and said the guy was just a friend and I know it was wrong of me. I regret everything. I deleted some of the messages and then handed him my phone. He figured it out pretty quickly and got so angry with me. I finally told him the truth but at this point he didn’t care and told me to get out of his house. He said he wasn’t done just needed to think. I told him I loved him and he said he couldn’t say it back right now ): the next day he texted me at work saying that he couldn’t be with someone that lies and that he can’t trust someone that turns to other people in hard times. He said he’d leave my stuff outside and a breakup text was what I deserved. I poured my heart out saying sorry and that I loved him. He told me he didn’t wanna talk, and in his head I cheated. I don’t even like the other guy is the thing! I just got confused and didn’t know if I wanted a relationship with someone else or not. The next day he unfriended me on all social media. I need advice, please? I want him to not hate me, he was my best friend for so long, and I did love him even though things got crazy ): I never meant for this to happen and I honestly would do anything to take it all back. I want him and only him..."

 

This guy is an abusive bully! Why are you with him?

 

There is nothing wrong with having male friends. Boyfriends are not supposed to control, and dictate your life. Do your friends and family know how he treats you?

Link to comment

Look up the model and buy him a direct replacement. You could probably even buy him a slight upgrade made that year well under $75 if he paid $100 for the other TV new. If he says no and insists on the cash, that would be much more telling to me. I've broken people's **** before and every time, I've replaced the item, even if they may have preferred the cash and if it would have ended up costing me less to just give them money. You didn't buy the television. You broke it. You replace it. If no direct replacement is available, you upgrade as little or much as necessary until it can be appropriately replaced.

 

I don't see any good guys in this situation. I think it's a bit sheisty for him to ask $75 cash for a 3-year old, then $100 TV. I might be willing to give him some benefit of perhaps genuinely thinking 25% would be the depreciation, but not much. Someone breaking your **** doesn't mean you're afforded the convenience of getting bull Blue Book value for it without so much as having to post an ad. On the other hand, that you see this as a conversation to be had at all speaks to a lack of responsibility. You replace the TV. It's not a matter to be discussed. You just do it.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...