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Thread: I Finally Left my gambling, pathalogical lying, selfish partner someone help me!

  1. #1
    Member Findingnemo94's Avatar
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    I Finally Left my gambling, pathalogical lying, selfish partner someone help me!

    Hi everyone. I am just here to post to try and make myself feel a bit better as i've been very low recently and going through a lot. If you have read my last post I have explained how I have been under investigation for some medical problems and I am still going through tests due to a misdiagnosis and I am going into hospital on monday for a bone biopsy which was cancelled last month.

    I was with a "man" for the last year or so. I have posted about him before. I have finally managed to leave him, but this was only because he ended up blocking me after I left him so I have been able to move forward without going back to him this time. I have left around 7-8 times before with no success, but this time I feel strong. I feel like I have to be strong for the medical things that are going on in my life. I am a 24 year old female and I am at medical school, he was (still is) in the british military and has been since he was 16.

    Everything bad started around 1 month into the relationship when he had his phone contract cut off due to lack of payments. I found this out by finding letters in his room addressed to him from the mobile company. He always told me it was due to the payment not coming out and a mix up with the bank and I believed him because I was in fantasy land and was at that honey-moon stage where you believe everything they say and do because they treat you like a queen. He used to buy me presents and take me out for fancy dinners and help me with petrol money to visit him (he lived 2 hours away).
    He then got deployed for 5 months where we kept in contact every day, he told me he loved me just before he left and wanted to be together (this was after 4 weeks of knowing each other) and couldn't wait to see each other when he got back. Sometimes he was quiet out there and then all of a sudden he got very unresponsive during the last few weeks of being there and he started to like other female's pictures on instagram, while ignoring me. When i asked what was wrong, he then broke up with me and ignored me for a few days, ignored my pleas to make it work and see me when he got home....so I gave up. He said he didn't want the type of relationship where he has to speak to me all the time, which is fair enough and I resepcted that although I was mad for waiting so long. I was devastated after waiting so long for him to return, but I moved on from this after a week and started going back to normal. Then he returned. Apologising that he made a huge mistake and after a few days I stupidly took him back. The first few weeks after he came back were amazing and I was so in love with him. Completley obsessed and pretty much spent my whole summer with him.
    Then, we arranged to go on holdiday which I had saved 2000 pound for while he had been away which I was looking forward too. Just as we were about to book it he said he didn't want to go away any more and spent time with his child from a previous marriage and went to his mum's house for weeks on end over the other side of the country. I thought this was odd behaviour but ignored it again.
    I then saw emails and calls pop up on his phone from debt collection companies, and one day I googled the number to find out it was his car finance company. They had sent e-mails and letters saying he had missed payments and he owed hundreds. He lives in a military camp so they cannot gain access to these premesis. When i confronted him he said it was a misunderstanding and it had all been payed off. He then admitted he had some debts so I helped call up the companies to re-arrange missed payments and helped him through the summer financially. We eventually got it all payed off and returned to normal and completley in love again.....

    I had a strange feeling in my stomach something wasn't right..he was lying in bed a lot...refusing to go out...and seemed very depressed. So I supported him through this and understood he may be a bit depressed after his deployment. Until i found messages from his ex wife (I felt suspicious about something, like stuff didn't add up or seem noraml) saying she cannot believe what he had asked her and he needed to show some respect. When I asked him what this was he said it was a private matter between him and her and it was a family illness and I must respect that. I didn't believe him so I called her, she told me he asked her to move to Canada with him on a new military posting to make their family work again. I was in so much shock I left him for a few days. He then text me saying he was sorry and it was all a mix up, she'd made it up because she is trying to destroy the relationship.

    Stupidly I believed him after a couple of weeks of convincing and apology letters, and him coming to visit me for a change and everything returned to normal....

    I was then confused because he started voluntarily deploying to germany......and he said it was to save money up so he could be with me...but in germany I found out he was asking friends, his ex wife and me for money...hundreds of pounds...when they dont need to spend any money out there. He would also dissapear on the weekends with his male friends and switch his phone off for days on end when I know they were off on the weekends so he could go out drinking! It absolutley broke me, and I got upset naturally. Then over christmas we patched things up.......and he bought me a christmas present in January and we went away for the weekend to an air b n b and he cooked me dinner. But he would always ask who i'm texting, try to see my phone, always ask why I hide my phone from him and why I'm always on my phone (I wasn't).

    He then said he was depressed due to one of his friends in the military trying to kill himself, and him having to spend time in hospital with him, and he wanted time alone for a week or two....so I respected that and gave that to him.....then after 2 weeks he turned around and said he was sorry and he loves me, and invited me to this military ball to which i attended with him and things seemed perfect again. Then this week I found out through mutual friends (the weekends he asked me not to come and see him because he was depressed and wanted to be alone) that he was in fact with another girl who he is friends with from the army....they went to walk his dog....and for food.....when the whole time he told me he was alone.....when I questioned him about it he said she was just a friend and he wanted a break from me.....and lied to me because he thought I would be jealous! I am so upset and hurt by this because he honestly told me he wanted time on his own!!!! I felt physically sick when I found out. I do not know what happened apart from they spent the whole day on Saturday together, and then went for lunch on the Sunday. He then called me after this lunch saying he decided he does want to be with me and he was sorry for being depressed and wanted to be alone!! He literally begged me to come and see him the next weekend and was absolutley lovely all week (which makes it seem like there was some guilt there I don't know)......BEFORE I knew this I offered to drive him to see his child because his car got TOWED!! By police!!! He wasn't paying insurance for 6 months and then he didnt get his car out of the compound within 7 days so the finance company took posession of the car and they are selling/ destroying it!!!!

    He then decided that it wasnt his fault and he cancelled his direct debit without informing the car finance company even though he still owes money on it (they said they may sell it at auction and any money he owes will have to be paid off by him) ...... so he will be in even more trouble for that....and a 300 fine for the police and 6 points for driving without insurance on top of everything! And even then he was looking at new cars on facebook marketplace and trying to hide it from me!! (RANGE ROVERS) ... he is also on around 30k a year so no idea where all his money is going (GAMBLING) probably!! WHICH HE LIES ABOUT AS WELL!!!!!!

    I then found out that I had to go into hospital for tests because some scans found a bone tumour which looked canerous. So I told him and asked him to come and see me.....i assumed he would of naturally came to see me anyway! But I had to ask! And when I asked he told me that I was probably making it all up for his attention because I couldn't cope with him being away!! (NOT TRUE) - My mum took me to all of my appointments and tests are still going on to this day due to a miss diagnosis. I am going into hospital on Monday as some scans have showed changes as I have had to have constant monitoring and the surgeons want to biopsy it under general anesthetic. He refused to come and see me or even call me to ask if I was okay..... he said he was busy at work this week and would see me on the weekend but I have to drive down and see him as he hasn't got a car and wasn't going to help with petrol money because HE BOUGHT ME SOME FOOD FROM A RESTAURANT LAST WEEKEND.

    He was on an exercise this week 30 minutes from my home and refused to come and see me!!!

    Then when I found out about the weekends with this girl (even though nothing may have happend its still a LIE) I told him I didnt want to be with him anymore because of what's going on and I need supportive people...not distractions e.g. his petty LIES about being with another girl...and your car being towed............and I still wanted to be friends...

    He then called me a psychopath and told me to 'bore off' and he didnt tell me because I would of got jealous and he wanted to AVOID the conversation to make his life easier. And to please me it was easier to say he was on his own than with another girl. He said he didn't want me now anyway because I CANNOT TRUST HIM and that's my problem!! And if that's how I justify to msyelf why the relationship ended then I have to crack on and do that but the real reason the relationship ended is because I didn't trust him!!!?!??! which makes absolutley no sense. He told me to off, but then preceded to tell me not to block him on whatsapp because he wants to know how I get on in hospital!! But he didnt want to be with me anymore either and I should probably go and other guys to make myself feel better!!

    I blocked him straight after this conversation!! It's like he had no argument back to being caught out on his lies so he found it easier to say to me that he didn't want me anymore either.....and im crazy........ :'(

    I am so upset...this has been nearly a year and a half of my life wasted and invested on his daughter!!! And I am about go back into hospital now :'( all he does is drink and gamble and LIE!!!! I am just wondering how I move on FULLY from this relationship..........he still wanted to keep in contact about next week (or said he did so didn't look like a complete arsehole) and that I needed to grow up....I am just wondering why people act like this when they get caught? it just seems like he is a master maniuplator...has no feelings of empathy towards me at all...even though a few days ago he was saying how much he loved me..........I feel like I just wasted my life believing everything he said and I cannot even imagine the stuff I did not manage to find out on the days when he dissapeared.

    And he also told his ex wife that I had a historectomy and i could never have children.........and when I asked him about that he said it was a lie and he'd never say that..even though I had it in writing in front of me......he still denied it.

    I am not a jealous person...but I got upset at the lies...if he was open with me I would of been fine with him spending time with other females.......I never stop him going out drinking or anything I always say have fun! And never accuse him of cheating on me during these times....it all fell apart....Can someone tell me what I did wrong for someone to do this to me? Was it me or are these people just like that and do it to anyone? I assume now he'll just pick another female to move onto and do the same to him.....and maybe choose someone this time who is less inclined to investigate his lies...he said that he never liked how much I look into things when I have suspcions!! Well turns out that feeling was always there for a reason..... :( Someone shed some advice please! Im just scared of the hospital situation and now feel completley alone! Even though I was before lets be honest! I always had this faint bit of belief he'd be by my side if something like this happened......it's scary now I am actually fully alone. It's like I always felt as him being with me but not being supportive was better than him not being there at all.....

    Someone please give me some advice, nothing harsh please as I am very upset for monday!! xxx

  2. #2
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    This guy is such a complete POS! There is nothing redeeming about this man. He is awful! You should have been done with him after the first deployment.

    I strongly suggest therapy to understand why you would allow anyone to treat you like this, over and over. You also need to focus on your health, as this should be a priority.

    In the future, DO NOT give any of your bfs money. This guy was such a obvious sleaze bag, but you knew it, and continued with him. You must react to red flags and not ignore, as you did. Your picker is way off.

    We advised in your first thread about him to be done, yet you went back. Please seek professional help for your self esteem issues.

  3. #3
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    I know, I have been to a therapist and he gave me a childhood emotional neglect questionnaire, and says I scored very highly on this which shows signs of childhood emotional neglect.....this could be why....

    What is POS?

    I know this. I know he was horrible to me but I still continued.........I understand what the therapist said but I still let it continue........and now I am upset he is gone.....even though I didn't want to be with him anyway....it makes 0 sense. Everything about him was a complete lie and yet I continued..

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by Findingnemo94
    I know, I have been to a therapist and he gave me a childhood emotional neglect questionnaire, and says I scored very highly on this which shows signs of childhood emotional neglect.....this could be why....

    What is POS?

    I know this. I know he was horrible to me but I still continued.........I understand what the therapist said but I still let it continue........and now I am upset he is gone.....even though I didn't want to be with him anyway....it makes 0 sense. Everything about him was a complete lie and yet I continued..
    Piece of S*it.

    This guy is really bad, and you knew it.

    You need to be alone for a long while, and in therapy. You need to work on your background and improve your self esteem.

    This guy is a con man.

    Have you blocked him?

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  6. #5
    Member Findingnemo94's Avatar
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    Thank you very much for the reply...I know....I am booking myself in for councelling soon to get over whatever it is that allows these men in my life. I understand I am not perfect and I have flaws...but at least I can admit this to myself and my friends....he was in constant denial about EVERYTHING. Literally every word that came out of his mouth was a lie. I ended up becoming on good terms with his ex wife as we exchanged the daughter so much...she told me he was the same with her...gambled their money....would leave her at hospital when things were happening and leave without telling her where he was going....not show up when his daughter was sick because he was 'busy'....10 years of that isn't going to change for me...now I understand this...

    Yes I have blocked him now...he blocked me on a few things..only because I called him out on all of his lies and said I forgave him and was happy to be friends but I was moving on! He called me a stupid b**** and told me to bore off but then he told me to let me know how next weeks hospital stuff goes....i blocked him on the remaining things ....

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    The thing is, he is not in denial. He knows who he is and what he is doing. First thing for you: stop making excuses for him.

    As I said, he is a POS and a con man. He targets women who will out up with crap and manipulates then. This is who he is. He will probably end up in jail.

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    Did you block him?

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    I know that after his car got towed as well....he cancelled the direct debit immediatley without informing the finance company who took it off him...even though he still owes 3 years of finance on the car...I also know that when they sell it at auction you still owe whatever they do not manage to make on the car. I know from this as my mum works for a bank that this means you will end up with a County Court Judgement in the UK!!!! And still owe a lot of money on the car.

    he also tried to re insure his car when he picked it up without informing the insurance company about his 6 points which makes your insurance quote go up.....so he was technically committing fraud......

    You're right actually he'll probably end up in jail.

    Will he most likely just try and find another target who will fall for his ??? And lend him money???? If she's stupid enough she will end up with financial problems too...I never moved in with him or joined any finances with him as I was actually scared.....turns out my suspicions were right. We were going to share that car as well. Im so glad I didnt trust him enough to put my name on it too!!!

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    Yeah I did.... :) Xxxx

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Findingnemo94
    I know that after his car got towed as well....he cancelled the direct debit immediatley without informing the finance company who took it off him...even though he still owes 3 years of finance on the car...I also know that when they sell it at auction you still owe whatever they do not manage to make on the car. I know from this as my mum works for a bank that this means you will end up with a County Court Judgement in the UK!!!! And still owe a lot of money on the car.

    he also tried to re insure his car when he picked it up without informing the insurance company about his 6 points which makes your insurance quote go up.....so he was technically committing fraud......

    You're right actually he'll probably end up in jail.

    Will he most likely just try and find another target who will fall for his ??? And lend him money???? If she's stupid enough she will end up with financial problems too...I never moved in with him or joined any finances with him as I was actually scared.....turns out my suspicions were right. We were going to share that car as well. Im so glad I didnt trust him enough to put my name on it too!!!
    People like this do not change. You said he did the same with the ex. I feel sorry for the kid.

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