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Thread: My boyfriend is trying to hurt me to get back at me

  1. #1

    My boyfriend is trying to hurt me to get back at me

    Hi all. Hopefully this post doesnít turn out to be too long. My boyfriend & I (together over 3 years) just recently almost broke up. He was upset about me picking fights and seemingly getting mad for no reason. Which I get. Totally uncool of me. After a deep talk, we decided to stay together, but he was unsure about it because he wasnít sure the relationship would get better. So since then, Iíve admitted that I may be a little depressed. Iíve been feeling generally uninspired and unsure of what I want to do with my life, which has caused me internal stress and then caused conflict in my relationship. Iíve made appointments to see a therapist, started a meditation practice, started going to anger management meetings, started reading books most of the day, started waking up early and eating better, etc. Basically doing everything possible to improve my own happiness within myself and fix my relationship because I am deeply in love with my boyfriend. But since weíve decided to stay together, heís been extra sensitive to everything. For instance, one day I made us 20-30 minutes late to the gym because I was having a ďpersonal/girlĒ issue that morning. I apologized for being late & said I would wake up even earlier from then on, but allll morning he gave me dig after dig about how I made ya late & I always make us late & im a liar & Iíll never change, etc. This hurt me pretty bad because Iíve been trying so hard to do better & doing a good job at it, but I fell short that morning. It ended up being a whole day ordeal where I got on for making us 20 minutes late. The whole thing felt like a giant overreaction to me. Fast forward to later that day when we were out buying some Ďmedicinalí cartridges to a friend. Apparently he told me he wanted to spend $120 and a few dollars as a tip. I honestly only heard him say $120 plus tip, so I gave the guy $140 total. My boyfriend ended up getting sooo mad at me over it even though it totally wasnít a big deal. I told him I was sorry I misheard him and that he didnít have to pay me back for the extra $17, but he got so mad over it. I brought it up to him afterward about how upset I was that he has been overreacting and all he has to say to me is ďwell thatís how you make me feel all the time so youíre just gonna have to deal with itĒ. I know Iíve hurt him by overreacting in the past, but Iíve been trying SO SO hard to do better & ive been doing very well. I donít think itís fair for him to do it back at me on purpose & tell me too bad I have to deal with it. I donít think two wrongs make a right. I think if he chose to forgive me, he shouldnít be actively trying to ďget back at meĒ. Am I wrong? Should I just keep letting him do this to me? Do I deserve to be hurt back?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    A healthy relationship should not involve hurt and vengeful behaviour. Period. You two are trapped in a toxic pattern and it doesn't sound like you can get out of it. What you did in the past was wrong. What he is doing in the present is also wrong. Imo, you should break up.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Under review.

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