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Thread: Advice on confusing guy I like - Mixed messages.

  1. #1

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    Advice on confusing guy I like - Mixed messages.

    I met a guy on a night out at a bar a few months ago, and since the moment I saw him I was attracted to him. His friends and I are sort of acquaintances which is how we ended up being around each other and chatting, and he talked all night. I ended up leaving and he said it was great to meet me and that was that. The next day I ended up adding him on Facebook, and he accepted (I know his friends so he was easy to find). I commented on a few things and he didn't say anything back. His relationship status was also hidden which didn't give me any idea into if he was single or not, but I took his lack of response as not interested and forgot about it.

    A few months later we go to the same bar and he is in there again. He comes up to me and says hi and introduces me to his friend and makes jokes about the last time we hung out (funny things that happened that night, and puts his arm around me). I was all for it because I really like him and didn't know any different, and I got very drunk that night and after leaving I stupidly messaged him and basically told him I was into him, but I said we would likely see each other again and if he didn't feel the same no hard feelings sort of thing, and he replied saying he was really flattered and loved how direct I was but he is taken.

    That was that, and I left it alone, but ever since I told him I liked him he has been consistently commenting on my Facebook statuses. Now I know that is what Facebook is for, but he never commented on anything for the 3 months before that when we were friends and he didn't know I liked him, but now he knows I was interested in him, he keeps commenting and it just seems a bit random? I guess if I knew a guy liked me and I had a bf I would try and steer clear to not give them any false hope, and it is becoming more and more frequent (3 times in the last week).

    So I guess my question is, what do I do about it? I don't want to be rude and I am a very friendly person, but I really do have a major crush on him and he is confusing me. I would never go for it with anyone who has a gf, and I guess you could say he hasn't tried to meet up or anything, but I am just a bit miffed as to what his angle is. It isn't like we have been best friends for 10 years, and I will be seeing him again in a few weeks as the pub holds trivia nights and we are both down to go.

  2. #2
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    Already some red flags going on here. First of all, he put his arm around you without consent when you're not in a relationship...like, what? I mean, maybe this is okay if you guys were really good friends or something but you're clearly not. Then he says he's taken, after doing this, and continuing to lead you on. You're not out of line for being confused by this guy, but you should run far away from him since you have nothing invested in him. If he is taken, but he's acting like this with you, would you really want to date someone who would do this with someone else while you're in a relationship? If he's poly or in an open relationship that's a different story, but if he says he's taken that implies it's monogamous. I say be friendly to him when you see him in person, but don't go out of your way to get to know this guy. He knows you like him and he's getting his kicks off of it by teasing you and leading you on.

  3. #3

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    So you agree with me that he seems to be showing some sort of interest and attraction? I mean some of my friends say it is merely a comment and I am reading way too much into it, but I think it is more the story behind it. I didn't mind the arm around me to be honest because I really like him and we were being playful so I kind of put my arm around him too. I assumed he was single and into it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Totally different take.

    To me, you are looking at this through rose colored lensss.

    My male friends hug me and put their arms around me, many are married some are single or dating, nothing comes of it, never has and I would bet a shiny quarter nothing will. Not every interaction between men and women is sexual or romantic so feet on the ground and try to recognize thereís probably a difference.

    If he wanted to cheat, doubt he would have said no and that he has a girlfriend, if heís leading you on or wanting to hook up, heís taking the long road for sure.

    People like each others comments again itís how you interpret it and if youíve got those romance tinted glasses. It could be as simple as guilt making him like your comments more. Could it be that heís secretly in love with you? Sure, could it be that heís flattered, more likely, could it mean that he wants to dump his girlfriend to be with you? Least likely.

    Look even if these obscure signs means heís into you at best youíre signing up for side chick status. You donít like the dude that much so you?

    Itís best to take his actions on the surface and not look too deeply into them, he drew the line in the sand. If you canít seem to respect it do the adult thing and distance yourself

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I wouldn't give it that much thought.

    You met him, thought he was attractive, liked some fb page, saw him again, he clicks`like' as well. This doesn't not add up to anything.

    There is simply not enough to go on. In the meantime carry on and don't drunk text again.

    I am just a bit miffed as to what his angle is. <- I clearly don't see any angle going on. Not sure what there is to be miffed about.

    Basically there is anything to do at this time. There is no red light or green. . just a yellow.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Totally different take.

    To me, you are looking at this through rose colored lensss.

    My male friends hug me and put their arms around me, many are married some are single or dating, nothing comes of it, never has and I would bet a shiny quarter nothing will. Not every interaction between men and women is sexual or romantic so feet on the ground and try to recognize thereís probably a difference.

    If he wanted to cheat, doubt he would have said no and that he has a girlfriend, if heís leading you on or wanting to hook up, heís taking the long road for sure.

    People like each others comments again itís how you interpret it and if youíve got those romance tinted glasses. It could be as simple as guilt making him like your comments more. Could it be that heís secretly in love with you? Sure, could it be that heís flattered, more likely, could it mean that he wants to dump his girlfriend to be with you? Least likely.

    Look even if these obscure signs means heís into you at best youíre signing up for side chick status. You donít like the dude that much so you?

    Itís best to take his actions on the surface and not look too deeply into them, he drew the line in the sand. If you canít seem to respect it do the adult thing and distance yourself
    I honestly agree with everything you said, but I guess it is the timing of it all to me. If we were good friends I would agree, but we have met twice and he barely knows me so I don't get why he would feel guilty or try harder. I added him as I thought he was single and just wanted to get to know him more, but he is taken and has made that clear, but he is still engaging often with someone he knows is into him? I guess I just view things differently.

  8. #7
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    He probably feels comfortable liking and commenting because it's now clear it is casual friends only.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eithly
    but he is taken and has made that clear, but he is still engaging often with someone he knows is into him? I guess I just view things differently.
    Wait. I missed the part where he made it clear he was taken?
    And clicking `like' is the same as engaging someone often?

  10. #9

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    Yes, I was saying if you read back on my post that he said he was flattered when I told him I liked him but loved my straightforward approach, but he is taken. Also not sure where the liking came from. He isn't liking statuses. As stated in my first post he is commenting back and fourth with me having conversations.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by eithly
    Yes, I was saying if you read back on the story that he said he was flattered when I told him I liked him but loved straightforward I was telling him I like him but he is taken. Also not sure where the likes comment keeps coming from. He is having conversations through comments on my Facebook with me, not liking stuff.
    ok - got it.
    Clearly I'm not paying attention. Sorry for that.

    Here's your take away here ~ be thankful he's not your boyfriend.

    He likes the attention and it boosts his ego.
    Let him to do so on someone else's time.

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