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Thread: Surprise Kid

  1. #21
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    If I had a kid, I doubt I'd ever make a conscious effort to bring him or her into conversation with a "smash buddy." He clearly and, IMO appropriately, made a strict compartmentalization with that. And I actually kinda doubt he the toothbrush out to indirectly let you know he has a kid. I'd put several grand on him having forgotten about it and that he simply knew "because we're smash buddies" probably wouldn't cut it for you.
    Agree completely.

    I would not wonder about his disclosure policy. I would wonder about his custody arrangement, how involved is he, why/why not. I may conclude that this is intended to be an extended fwb, that I am not being considered as a potential future wife/wife-ish. I may conclude that he isn't husband-like candidate for me. And then I would see if I can accept that, and maybe discover that I am not ready for marriage-material dating. If the foregoing happens, the next step is acceptance, letting go of judgments and future worries, and enjoy what I've got.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by IAmFCA
    Agree completely.

    I would not wonder about his disclosure policy. I would wonder about his custody arrangement, how involved is he, why/why not. I may conclude that this is intended to be an extended fwb, that I am not being considered as a potential future wife/wife-ish. I may conclude that he isn't husband-like candidate for me. And then I would see if I can accept that, and maybe discover that I am not ready for marriage-material dating. If the foregoing happens, the next step is acceptance, letting go of judgments and future worries, and enjoy what I've got.
    Yah, good points.
    His actions are a reflection of his intentions.

  3. #23
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    I couldn’t be friends with someone who never mentioned having a child unless the child was an adult and not part of the parents life / far away. It would be bizarre to me. But if I were a casual acquaintance I’d just be mildly surprised. It seems clear to me he has no serious intentions towards you and if he’s been more than a sex partner it seems to me he is not really into his child or being a father. But you don’t want to be a parent and would tolerate an afternoon “at the zoo” (reminds me when we took our son to the zoo for the first time he was 3 and in the photos he has rosy cheeks because he had a fever by the time we got home so it was a bit of a cranky outing ). Anyway I’d skip the zoo kind of thing just in case the child likes you or gets even a little attached - you’re not sticking around so that wouldn’t be fair.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I don't understand why asking him if he had kids never came up as part of your 'getting to know you' talk?

    Basic marital and family questions are first date stuff. You never went there?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter what your term for each other was or what you are now. This type of deception is something to consider. In fact you need to reconsider why he saw fit to treat you as such a fool. You shouldn't have to pull teeth or interrogate to get some basic statistics.

    "Compartmentalizing" is perhaps not introducing/involving new people to a child, not carrying on this type of deception (yes, lies by omission are part of deception) for over a year. Most acquaintances, coworkers, neighbors, etc don't keep having a kid a secret. What's the big deal?

    Worse...he turns it around on you and "gets miffed" and refers to you as a mere fbuddy to explain it away and put you in the wrong for discovering this. Seriously rethink if this dude is worth you time.
    Originally Posted by Cat13
    Seeing a nice guy for a little over a year.
    last night when i saw a child's toothbrush in his bathroom. i ask and he tells me he has a 5 year daughter.
    I asked him why he didn't tell me and he said at first we were not overly serious.
    he also got miffed cause i said i needed some space to think.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Seriously rethink if this dude is worth you time.
    Evidently, he doesn't think she's worth his time either or surely he would have trusted her with the knowledge?

    Originally Posted by LC8328

    I do admit it's odd that he never once mentioned the daughter during all this time, but thinking from the single dad's perspective, I could understand why.
    I find it odd that she never asked him if he had children. Particularly because she does not want any.

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