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Thread: Depressed after sex with bf

  1. #11
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    Have you tried to talk to him about it outside of the bedroom?

  2. #12
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    Has the sex always been like this?

    OP, where are you?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    I have made remarks before that suggest i never get any and he does and he just feels bad for that moment i guess and tries to please me but it doesnt feel the same having to get upset and force him..."
    Is this about you getting upset and feeling like you force him?
    Or does he suggest to you somehow that he feels forced?
    There is a difference.

  4. #14
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    I really REALLY can't understand why you would go to another room to masturbate in secrecy, rather than doing it before, during or after sex with him, better yet, asking him to do it for you. If he doesn't pleasure you, why would you pleasure him?

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I get the sense he's open to suggestions, but she feels uncomfortable asking. She mentioned she feels like she's forcing him?
    It may be more about her having the confidence to communicate what she needs. I might have been this way when I was younger.
    It's not always easy for some if you aren't accustomed to speaking up about what you want sexually.
    I think most men are more than willing to please their partner in bed, but they both appear to be inexperienced.

  7. #16
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    Sounds like communication is lacking on both your parts.

    I suggest simply telling him the next time you're having sex "I'm not done with you yet" and tell him to get you off. Just be blunt about it. If he's done already great for him, just flat tell him you want more. Maybe he thinks you're already satisfied. Does he know that you're not? If not that's as much your fault as his. Tell him what you want. Or you can tell him at dinner, but be careful how you say it "you never get me off and sex with you is like a root canal now" probably won't instill him with the confidence needed to rock your world. So I'd suggest some foreplay to get you in the mood and then tell him what to do to you. If you're not comfortable talking and being open and vocal during or about sex then how do you expect him to know what you need/ want??

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It's also helpful to tell people (not just about sex) what you like, rather than what you don't like or disappointed with.
    Lead with a positive.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Anna26
    I have been dating the love of my life for 1.5 years now and he is truly an amazing person. I love him incredibly. However, I canít help but feel used and depressed affer sex with him. Itís gotten to the point i no longer want to have sex with him AT ALL. And i honestly think this is the main reason women no longer want to have sex with their partners...they donít give them orgasms. Time and time again he is cumming and I am left sexually frustrated in the dark. It is a very lonely and empty feeling knowing that you are pleasing them on a regular basis and getting none of it in return. I canít even go and please myself after in another room because he follows me and wants me to be with him. Most of our sex sessions are quick, like less than 5 minutes. Although he can and has lasted ALOT longer he just chooses not to most of the time i guess. Anyway, it has nothing to do with duration of sex anyway. He could please me orally before or after the act but he just canít be bothered. Itís like heís in a race and heís always the one winning. It makes no sense to me because he is so generous and caring in every other aspect in our relationship and always picks up when something is wrong and tries to fix it. I have made remarks before that suggest i never get any and he does and he just feels bad for that moment i guess and tries to please me but it doesnt feel the same having to get upset and force him...i dont want that. I dont know what to do. I want to marry this guy and i sure as hell dont want to ever cheat but im in an orgasmless relationship and i never thought it could effect me this much mentally but it does :( please help..
    Why don't you finish yourself off in front of him? He can help you by kissing you and fondling you. Perhaps if you were sexually intimate in that way, you wouldn't feel so left out.

    It sounds like he needs to be trained in how to get you there as well so don't let him enter you until he figures out how to get you off first. You must help him to help you pop.

    Did you fake it before?

  10. #19

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    Wow I am overwhelmed with all your replies. Thank you so much for all of the advice...I have no one I can talk to about this as it is an uncomfortable subject. Our sex life was always the same even in the very beginning the ďhoneymoon phaseĒ. I dont think ive ever necessarily ďfakedĒ orgasms as he never actually asks if Iíve cum. I do put on a show however, that is is pleasing for me although i feel very little. And yes i know, that is bad on my behalf. I have told him before that i just feel used during sex and i am over having it as it seems to be only for him and not for me. We didnít have sex for 3 weeks and he just made me feel bad and like i dont love him..so i gave in...and same old story. No orgasms for me. The frustrating thing is that he can and has made me orgasm before. I can probably count on one possibly two hands how many times though whereas the number of times he has is completely countless. I really donít know how i can fix this as i have communicated before and then he pleases me once or twice and its back to same old routine. It effects our relationship because i get angry at him often over ďnothingĒ and im over trying to communicate why as nothing really changes. I do love him so much and i dont want to break up with someone whom i believe is my soulmate all because of sex...but i also dont want to be the wife one day who just daydreams of sex and other men as her husband isnt doing his job to please her too..

  11. #20
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    He does not care and is selfish. Honestly, I do not understand why you continued dating after the first few sexual experiences. You knew what you were getting.

    I would not continue with this. You need to find a man who cares about ALL of your needs. Sex is an important part of a relationship. This also says a lot about him and not caring about you. You need to look at the big picture.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 03-08-2019 at 07:09 PM.

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