I'm in a relationship but I fell in love with someone else.

Hello, my and my fiance have been together for 4 years. We got together when we were 18 and we moved together to England for university. When we go home in holiday we usually stay at his place, I get along well with his family, his mother loves me and I really like her. He always fights with his older brother but they still get along and the two of us have similar hobbies, so we meet his friends at a party we all kind of become friends and kept spending time together, his brother has a friend of whom I became attracted over time. Over the years we spending holidays together, New Years parties and birthdays. He's name was Carl, my fiance brother and Carl spent 2 months at our last year. Carl treated me very nice, he would help me with the cooking, paid attention to me and we like the same kind of books and movies. My fiance dose't even like to read. Last Christmas we went home the hole group back went out to celebrate and over the holiday we went out together many times. I noticed that I am starting to develop feelings fro him for a long time, but I always tell myself that It's just a crush, that it will past and that it's noting serious, I love my fiance. It's been almost 3 mounts since I last saw him or talked to him but I can't stop thinking about Carl. I find myself dreaming about how I would confess my feelings to him or how it would be to kiss him. I have to say that I am fully aware that I have no chance at a relationship with him, he's too much of a good, decent guy how would never betray his best friend brother. But I can't help thinking at him, yearning for him, it's driving me crazy. My fiance told me that Carl is coming to visit us in 3 mounts, I felt my heart stooping when I heard that, I can't wait for it and in the same time I am scared of what could happen, of what I will do. I have to mention that me and my fiance kept having bad arguments over the past year. We have total different ways of thinking and both of us are stubborn, a few days ago he told me that he's sometimes thinking that maybe it would be batter if we would brake up and start over because we fight to much and that hurts both of us, but even so he still loves me and wants to have a relationship with me, he said that if that's what would make me happy he would leave me. I said that we should give our self's another chance because we have been together for 4 years, I love him but I can't stop thinking at Carl, it is possible to love 2 men in the same time? I'm starting to consider breaking up with him, I don't know what to do..... . Please let me know what you think

I think you should break up with your boyfriend of 4 years if you're not happy but don't do it because you're having a fixation crush on some other guy. You were just fine and were happy with your boyfriend before you allowed your crush to take over so either keep yourself away from Carl and your thought off of him and concentrate on your relationship or leave your boyfriend.

How well do you think it's going to go over with your boyfriends family if you start up with his brother's best friend? Time to look at your crush in a more realistic light and quickly change your thoughts of him when they pop into your head. When he comes to visit, keep yourself away from him.

You're only 22 and by developing a crush on someone else, it's a huge sign that you're not ready for a serious commitment or a fiancee.

That's not a bad thing, you're still young and you're not ready for marriage.

But you do need to be honest with your boyfriend and tell him how you feel about Carl. Don't make your boyfriend out to be a fool by having Carl around you both and meanwhile you're lusting after him and your boyfriend has no idea.

You need to tell your boyfriend the truth, even if it means you two ending.

Your boyfriend walks in on you and Carl kissing, how do you think that will play out?

I think you should end it with your bf.

Do not approach Carl, as it would be disrespectful, uncomfortable and cruel to all involved.

Well, I'm thinking the stupidest thing you could do is tell your b/f that you have a crush on Carl. That will end your trust as a couple, it will hurt him unnecessarily and it will most likely cause him to start looking at Carl as the enemy. Jealousy will rear its ugly head everytime you two are within a 10 foot pole of one another. Crushes are temporary, fleeting things that you can certainly put the fire out on if you realize and acknowledge that instead of dismissing your thoughts of Carl you are making them your best friend.

Crushes have nothing to do with maturity (or lack thereof) or whether or not you are ready to be in a relationship or married. People in their 80's can develop a crush on someone they find attractive if they don't have good romantic boundaries in place. (and do things to fuel the crush as you are currently doing)

Just do the mental work you need to do to end your carnal thoughts regarding carl, keep yourself away from him, don't be cooking or doing anything with him that does not include your boyfriend as well. Distancing will help you to simmer down your hormones when it comes to your attraction to him.

In the meantime, also do the mental work You need to do to figure out if your boyfriend is who you want to continue on with or you want to leave him to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence but for goodness sakes, don't leave him for Carl who is your boyfriends brothers best friend... that's tawdry as hell and a fool's errand.

You're only 22 and by developing a crush on someone else, it's a huge sign that you're not ready for a serious commitment or a fiancee.

 

That's not a bad thing, you're still young and you're not ready for marriage.

I strongly agree.

You committed to a very serious relationship before you were really ready to, OP. Many of us have been where you are now. I think you have outgrown your relationship with your boyfriend and need to seriously consider ending it, because if it's not Carl who's catching your interest, it will likely be someone else in the future.

Your heart and mind are telling you to explore more before you settle down forever with one man.

What are all the bad arguments about? Why are you afraid of breaking up? The problem is your bad relationship with your bf, not your crush on his friend. All of this has nothing to do with Carl. Nothing to be scared of with Carl because there is nothing you can do.

I am scared of what could happen, of what I will do.

 

I have to mention that me and my fiance kept having bad arguments over the past year. I'm starting to consider breaking up with him

'You're only 22 and by developing a crush on someone else, it's a huge sign that you're not ready for a serious commitment or a fiancee.

That's not a bad thing, you're still young and you're not ready for marriage.

__________

Agree, 100%.

Whether you tell bf or not..is really up to you. But, you've outgrown him..why cling to what's effectively in the past? At your age, the world's your oyster.

I'm a big believer in finishing old business before starting anything new. Mainly because it positions you badly with the new guy. He gets a front row seat to observe your capacity for disloyalty, so even if he 'wins,' he loses. He'll enjoy the victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to him that he's next in line for the disloyalty you've already demonstrated is in you.

I'd skip that, break from the relationship you've outgrown, then move forward to explore new opportunities for love.

I'm a big believer in finishing old business before starting anything new. Mainly because it positions you badly with the new guy. He gets a front row seat to observe your capacity for disloyalty, so even if he 'wins,' he loses. He'll enjoy the victory for about 5 minutes before it occurs to him that he's next in line for the disloyalty you've already demonstrated is in you.

 

I'd skip that, break from the relationship you've outgrown, then move forward to explore new opportunities for love.

I can imagine that Carl doesn't even knows any of your crush on him. Do not tell your fiancee that you have feelings for Carl. It's not fair to pull Carl into this.

But do end your engagement, you are not ready to marry.

Once you are free? Look elsewhere for love. Your friend circle is too closely enmeshed with each other for the disruption.

Time to grow and widen your circle.

It could be that your love level for your fiance has dropped. You have to find out why and try to build the love/relationship back up. Counseling might be an option.