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Thread: Phone access Facebook and private messaging etc

  1. #1
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    Phone access Facebook and private messaging etc

    Do you and your so have access to each others phones and facebook passwords etc?
    My bf of 18.months says its n invasion of privacy and isnt secretive but hates snooping and sees it as a trust issue..
    He messages girls at work as i see it pop up but no idea what the convos are about
    Just wondering if others think same?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member indea08's Avatar
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    Most people will tend to agree with your boyfriend. If you feel differently, that’s okay, you’re just going to have to date someone who feels the same way you do about it.

    I don’t have access to my husbands Facebook or messages or anything, but we’ve had 5 years together to build trust. If right at the beginning he had said “you will never have access to my messages or Facebook” honestly it probably would’ve deterred me. And that has nothing to do with trust issues, just more of being realistic and knowing how easy it is for people to cheat and be secretive and with absolutely no time together to build any trust, I’d wonder why that was even something to be said so early.

    But after 18 months together, you know who he is. Do you feel secure or not?

  3. #3
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    Per your thread you posted a few days ago, you seem to feel insecure in this relationship. I can tell you that having "permission" to snoop on his phone won't make you feel more secure.

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Per your thread you posted a few days ago, you seem to feel insecure in this relationship. I can tell you that having "permission" to snoop on his phone won't make you feel more secure.
    I dont want to snoop and dont want him to snoop haha
    But its more about not being open or if i ask who someone is tahts nessaging him he feels violated .. i dont ask ro see messagesjust who they are etc
    He did message a random in first few weeks of our dating ..flirting and chatting and he wouldnt add me on fb until he deleted her etc maybe it still haunts me

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    You clearly are insecure about it, so your sentence about him seeing it as a trust issue is exactly what it is

  7. #6
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    About the closest I've ever come is when wedding services and coordinators all kept emailing my now-wife instead of me despite it having been my off season from work and me very openly handling the bulk of the approvals and organizing. Couldn't buy a cc even if I offered to double their rates. Got to the point she just logged and saved her email onto my computer because she was tired of relaying. Kinda defeated the purpose.

    That's a pretty exceptional example, though. I have zero interest in having access to her facebook, nor does she in having access to mine. I also don't care who happens to be messaging her. Wouldn't care if tomorrow she got on my computer and logged off her email. I don't check it. I trust her enough not to wonder. If I didn't, we'd have been done long ago.

    And I honestly don't see what reason you'd have to care about him flirting with women while you'd just started dating. How do you know of it anyhow?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    It's been 18 months and outside of him wanting you to respect his privacy, has he done anything to warrant your mistrust?

    If you trusted him, you wouldn't care who he was texting.

    My current bf will suggest I change the music on his phone or Ipad. He volunteers his password, though I would never ask or feel entitled to it. For that matter, I haven't shared mine and doubt I ever will.

    I don't have anything to hide either. It just value my privacy.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    There's such a lack of trust in this world. My husband and I can look on each other's phone and computers and emails. Maybe we are the weird ones because we do trust each other.

    Seems like you and your bf have major trust issues.

  10. #9
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    sorry, you are being very insecure. Where is this coming from? Sometimes when people have a lack of confidence, that feeling is the result. Maybe a better alternative is to figure out how/why you feel that way

    He should not have to report to you everyone who contacts him. if you are with him, and he sends a short answer to a woman from work in front of you - i doubt if anything is going on there.

  11. #10
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Nope. I don’t have any of my husband’s passwords and he doesn’t have mine. We have been married 25 years. We believe you can be very close and be autonomous.

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