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Tried to get work done, killed one of my rats instead


1a1a

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I just got up to put something in the printer and Nog was under my foot. I lifted it as fast as I could but I had already broken her beyond repair, she convulsed a little and died in my hand. Gone in under a minute

 

She was old and frail but in good spirits and better health than her sister, who knows how much longer she could have lived. I wish I hadn't been caught up in work, I wish I hadn't let them out, I wish I hadn't crushed her to death

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I remember when I was a kid, we found a little bird with a broken wing. We borrowed a cage for it and had it outside with us while we were playing in the kiddie pool. It ended up getting splashed, so I took it out of the cage and wrapped it in a towel. I ended up stepping on it running up the back porch steps, and to this day it's probably one of maybe two things I can look back on my childhood and still genuinely regret. Doesn't bring me to tears or anything-- just a bit of a downer.

 

When we first moved into this apartment a couple years ago, I bought a big ol' armoire because my wife is my wife and gets both bedroom closets. Whole box was probably 150+ pounds shipped and delivered. It was unassembled so all the parts just came stacked and laid out in a relatively slimmer box. While getting ready to flip it to cut the side I needed to open, I knew my youngest cat loves pouncing under **** like that and there was a 50/50 chance she'd dart for the shadowed shelter once I presented the angle. Against better judgment, I didn't toss her into a room and shut her in for the process. Lo' and behold, my fingers slipped on the cardboard and for that split second, I could see her tail popped out from the bottom. BARELY caught the box before the 150+ pounds slammed onto her. She was showered with both name-calling and treats afterward and is now herded into the office when it comes time for me to work with anything heavy. But I consider myself nothing but 135% lucky she didn't end up getting thoroughly ****ed up or worse.

 

I think most pet owners at some point or another make a mistake that could very well have resulted in their furball or other assorted class of animal biting the dust, but some of us are more lucky than others when it comes to the price of learning that lesson. I hope you don't kick yourself too hard. And I'm sure you gave Nog a better life than what 98% of the rest of us would afford a rat (personally, I love them, but their life expectancy tends to be too short for all the character they bring).

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I had two mice when I was in junior high school. One tan and brown, the other black. Bennie and Jet. I lost track of Bennie one day and he made it as far as my parents bedroom and came in contact with my dad closing the door. My dad felt so bad and I felt very responsible.

I am very sorry about Nog.

I am sure you were a great fur parent to Nog.

Unfortunately accidents will happen.

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*emphatically appreciates everyone's posts*

 

The following day I was a wreck, cried a lot at my day job, brain kept reliving the feel of her under my foot, the sight of her last moments. Then had an evening job that required more of my brain and forgot for a while, and then remembered, and felt worse for forgetting. And then the dust is settled, worry for the remaining rat rose up and took over, I have to find her friends. But still mixed in is a definite feeling of not being worthy. Started to look around for rescues but then what do I tell the other rat people? "Ahh, i need more rats because I stepped on Egg's sister, but I'm a good rat keeper really....". I haven't buried her yet, absolutely no time just work work work working! Life just went on as if nothing had happened and it all feels a bit on the nose.....I thought about burying her with something really lovely, beautiful fabric, a meaningful tshirt. Normally I just lay them down with a bit of fleece but I stole something precious from Nog and I feel like I need to give her something. Although it's really too late. Rituals around death are weird, and I don't have any in my background, I kind of make them up as I go and in a way they do help with coping but there's always part of my mind that's like ït's too late, she doesn't exist anymore, it really doesn't matter what you do, bury her with food for the journey to the after life, or don't, since there probably isn't one"....It would be so much nicer to believe the sand in her hour glass ran out and the death of rats came for her *squeak, squeeeak* I told my dad and his reply included the suggestion that I have long been kind to rats and somewhere the rats have built a statue in my honour (for certain, a nice thing to imagine, wish it were true). Got me imagining if there is an after life and you do get to see all your pets again, there would be So Many Rats connected to me, so many. And when a rat dies, does it's life flash before it's eyes? Maybe that's what Nog was staring at as the life left her body, better than staring in terror. I'll never know.

 

 

Not quite Itsallgrand, she came with three sisters from a (now ex) friend (the friend may have abandoned me but I did get these really lovely rats from her). Nog and her sister Egg look almost the same, sometimes watching them I'd fancy they were two rats running the same algorithm, very similar patterns of behaviour. They were the two most non descript ones, but also the longest lived, when they were the only two left it became pretty sedate rat times. Egg likes to nest and sleep, Nog was the adventurer, always the first one to come out of the cage, have a look around. In her old age she used to just plop herself down out in the open and rest, recently she had been climbing onto the top of the couch and resting there. I'd be sitting at the kitchen table, Nog would be in sight. In the after math I considered that she was probably just chilling near my feet when I killed her because she often did that, she was really ing lovely. Thank you for asking about her, so much better to think about the good times than that last wretched minute although that is imprinted on my mind in a very vivid way *clutches at the bigger picture*

 

Ah J.Man, i have a good intentioned stuff up or two like that in my childhood too, I can sympathise. And I'm so glad you caught the desk!!!

 

Superfan, I didn't name them, aforementioned ex friend did, there was Egg and Nog, and Silverfish (an absolutely amazing super rat) and Bellshnickel (who was pretty scared of me when she first moved in and died surprisingly young from pneumonia). That friend really loves Star Trek though so there is a definite possibility :-D (as do I actually *high five* although I've only seen Enterprise and I'm working my way through the original, I'll get there eventually)

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I may be coming to accept what happened was an accident but **** I miss her, her sister was never as friendly and the new rats are still scared of me. My friend is gone by my carelessness. She is in good company, a rat from my childhood who I'm pretty sure got sat on (she was very near the end though), a rat from my adulthood who also got stepped on and didn't die that moment but I strongly suspect it caused her decline, and my dad tells me his mother stepped on her budgie many years ago. She was devastated, like me, tired working night shifts and she wanted to give the bird some free time.

 

Life is being really stressful, work, my landlord wants to sell so might need to move soon, all these things pushing Nog out of my mind, makes me even sadder.....and I still need to bury her (was working then frantically cleaning for a house inspection, there is never time) which is getting more shameful as days pass

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  • 3 months later...

Still chasing pay for the job I was doing that occupied my mind and time and led to me killing Nog. I’m run out of lunch break for today’s job but a wave of sadness has crashed over me. Should be back at work but I’m crying out the back instead. Still so so very sorry Nog

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