Is it normal ?

So my Birthday was this last Saturday & I went out of state to visit family, but my boyfriend stayed back home. All day Saturday my boyfriend did not text me nor did he call me until 1030pm. I was a bit bummed out because we are on good terms so I don't understand why he even did that ? I know he was on his phone cause he is enslaved to that device. Any tips or advice anybody could give me ?

What are you worried about? That he was cheating while you went away or that he didn't give your birthday that much thought? What was his explanation?

my Birthday was this last Saturday & I went out of state to visit family, but my boyfriend stayed back home. he call me until 1030pm. I know he was on his phone cause he is enslaved to that device.

To me this sounds like someone who texted before bed, to make sure he connected with you. Before then, his mind was thinking What can I do today? You were not available so he didn't interrupt you.

You know him better than we do. Since you were out of town to visit with others, that is my guess.

No my boyfriend is loyal and I don't have trust issues with him. Just simply the that he didnt put much thought , even when I got home nothing was said to me besides get up and let's go eat 🙄.

I mean I wasn't busy whatsoever, I am a txt away, but he is my boyfriend this is the second year he has done this . Im just feeling like he doesn't care ? He got our daughter a gift and me nothing not tryna sound materialistic, but I mean a card would of been nice .

What was his family upbringing like? Were his parents very warm towards him?

Sometimes, the way ppl act is a lot bc of how their families acted. Perhaps his parents never made a big deal out of a birthday and that is why he did that. Lmk , id love to help. Also, around how old is he?

How long have you been dating? Next time plan something such as a babysitter, dinner out, whatever. Was your daughter with you? Was he invited to your parents? Why didn't he go with you?

this is the second year he has done this .

He got our daughter a gift and me nothing.

In the book The Five Love Languages, it speaks of how people mainly show love in one main way and people value one of the languages far above the rest, not to say the others don't also come into play: Physical Affection, Verbal Affirmation-Compliments/Praise, Acts of Service (chores, picking up items you need from the store, etc), Quality Time, Gifts.

Does he regularly give you any of these? If so, don't nag him about what he didn't do on this birthday. He did call you, even though it wasn't the time frame you expected. But if you want something on your next birthday, when you're in a mellow mood, ask for what you want because people aren't mind readers and communication is key, i.e., "Birthdays are important to me. On my next one, it would really make me feel special if you pick a card out for me." When you ask for something in a positive way, instead of blaming a person and making them feel bad, if they care they will comply.

Because what you value, he might not and vice versa. It's important to know each of your love languages because you might not be meeting his either. To get a clue of what he values, ask, "What do I do that makes you feel the most loved?"

I asked my husband this, and he said it was when I scratched his back. Something so simple. But I also know he loves compliments about his cooking and yard work. His natural way of showing love to me is Acts of Service, which I appreciate, but my top love language is physical affection, which he is okay at but sometimes when I feel it's lacking I ask him for what I want, and that's okay. It might not be as romantic as a fairy tale, but life is about reality, not la-la-land where everything is perfection. Take care.

I always wait until the evenings to call my wife if she happens to be with family or friends back home during a special occasion. We see each other every day otherwise, so I don't have a problem assuming she's enjoying her time with them during the much rarer time she's got with them. Doesn't really matter if you weren't-- I don't see why he'd assume you weren't or that he didn't simply have his own hands full like he would. If you catch yourself assuming the worst of your partner, that's something to explore, but I'd try not to isolate incidents and pick petty battles.

What does "normal" even mean? Don't fall into a trap of comparing him to some ideal rom-com fairy tale of a relationship... those don't exist in real life. Instead, reflect on the other things that he does for you and if you feel you need more... ask for it in a way that is not combative and leaves it open to appreciating his efforts.

My fiance is similar to your boyfriend in that he doesn't care all that much about birthdays. His family never made a big deal when he was a child, whereas mine always celebrated it like it was Hanukkah. So naturally, I was thrown a bit when at first he didn't give me the celebration I felt I deserved. Wrong thinking on my end and my expectations made me miserable on my special day, instead of realizing that he just is the way he is.

He shows me daily how much he cares by doing chores, listening to me, making me laugh, caring for our daughter, letting me bathe in the morning as long as I want and the list goes on.

If you feel loved by your boyfriend in other ways, try not to put so much thought into these "special occasions", because not everyone feels about them the way you do. If it's highly important to you, I'm sure you could tell him how much you'd love a cupcake and a kiss first thing in the morning.

If it's important for your boyfriend to do something special for you on your birthday, communicate that to him directly and non-accusatorily. A lot of people believe the emotional myth that others should automatically know what we prefer and that if they don't do what we want, it's because they don't "love" us enough. Frankly, that line of thinking is bullsh*t. Now, if you tell him that your birthday is really special to you and that you'd like him to do XYZ and he says he will and then doesn't, you have a right to complain or be upset.

I always wait until the evenings to call my wife if she happens to be with family or friends back home during a special occasion. We see each other every day otherwise, so I don't have a problem assuming she's enjoying her time with them during the much rarer time she's got with them. Doesn't really matter if you weren't-- I don't see why he'd assume you weren't or that he didn't simply have his own hands full like he would. If you catch yourself assuming the worst of your partner, that's something to explore, but I'd try not to isolate incidents and pick petty battles.

Just curious.

Would you do feel the same way if it was her birthday?

I too wouldn't intrude on someone's family time. I might not even have texted at all, rather allowing them the option of reaching out if they felt like it.

But acknowledging a birthday would be a different thing.

He did nothing! Not even a card! I would not have been happy! He could have sent a text, as that would not interrupted your activities.

I'd say it's normal for him, not necessarily normal for others. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

I think you're just over-reacting too much in this situation......

If it's important for your boyfriend to do something special for you on your birthday, communicate that to him directly and non-accusatorily. A lot of people believe the emotional myth that others should automatically know what we prefer and that if they don't do what we want, it's because they don't "love" us enough. Frankly, that line of thinking is bullsh*t. Now, if you tell him that your birthday is really special to you and that you'd like him to do XYZ and he says he will and then doesn't, you have a right to complain or be upset.

Applause to you m'lady!!!!

Like others have mentioned, I would try not to assume the worst of your boyfriend. He did call, and it sounds like ( I may be misunderstanding) he took you out to eat as well.

If birthdays are very important to you, communicate that in a direct but kind way. Don't assume he will just know.

It seems pretty normal to me, but then, the way I grew up birthdays were more big events for the little kids. Presents, cake, a party. Then as people got older, a 'happy birthday' and some time together, and usually getting your favorite meal has been the norm. I've never felt disappointed with that.

When my boyfriend and I got together, he did have to let me know how celebrating his birthday in a big way was important to him. And I had to let him know how I prefer my birthday not become a national holiday with everyone called for it ;)

Communication is key. Now I don't mind making a fuss for him. Recently celebrated his 40th and made it extra special and long - it went on a week! And in turn, he gives me what matters to me.

I have a friend (same gender, non romantic) for whom birthdays are a big deal. She is good at telling me its her birthday so I can get it together. In my family, we might gather several of us and have dinner, hoping to make the dinner happen in the same quarter of the calendar when the birthday happened. I mean, maybe we make it within a couple of months, maybe we don't.

People are different. I can forget my boyfriend's birthday, and love him just as much as if I threw him a party. I have to teach myself to remember.

Tell him what's important to you.

He got our daughter a gift and me nothing not tryna sound materialistic, but I mean a card would of been nice .

Somewhere along his lifetime BF may have picked up the notion that celebrations are for kids, while adults try to downplay getting older. I'd avoid setting him up to feel guilty, but I'd also let him know that celebrating birthdays means something special to you. You can respect his wishes if he wants to keep his birthday private, but for you the opposite is true. Next year you'll want to bring him into your plans to celebrate, even if it's just with him--but you'll need to take the lead on this, because fantasizing that he'll magically transform his own vision obviously doesn't work. Why set yourself up for disappointment, when you can drive the celebration you want?

Personally I do think it is a little out of the of the ordinary for ones partner to not get in contact until 10.30pm the day of one's birthday. I've never heard of anyone doing that.

Just curious.

Would you do feel the same way if it was her birthday?

 

I too wouldn't intrude on someone's family time. I might not even have texted at all, rather allowing them the option of reaching out if they felt like it.

But acknowledging a birthday would be a different thing.

I mean, I might get it if she'd actually been around that day, they did nothing for her birthday, and he plops into bed with her at 10:30pm and asks how she enjoyed her birthday, but lady decided to spend the day out of town with her family. It's more than a fair enough choice, but I see no cause for offense when he allows her just that and calls her once any festivities could be reasonably assumed over to have his time wishing her a happy birthday and hearing about her day.

But he did acknowledge it. He called her that night. That's how it sounded to me, at least.

 

I mean, I might get it if she'd actually been around that day, they did nothing for her birthday, and he plops into bed with her at 10:30pm and asks how she enjoyed her birthday, but lady decided to spend the day out of town with her family. It's more than a fair enough choice, but I see no cause for offense when he allows her just that and calls her once any festivities could be reasonably assumed over to have his time wishing her a happy birthday and hearing about her day.

This was my first thought as well. OP you were out of town celebrating your b-day with family and friends. So he called you when he reasonably thought you'd be finally free and he wouldn't be interrupting your trip and activities and time with fam and friends.

Overall, if you want a certain acknowledgement, you do have to communicate that to people and clue them in. Some people are big into b-days, some aren't. It's not a universal thing where everyone feels and acts the same way. As already pointed out, if you communicate and then still get ignored, then you have a problem. Otherwise, you are asking your SO to have some kind of ESP powers and....well...people don't have that.

I have nothing more to add other than I am very much like your bf, birthdays and holidays don't mean much to me.

Not sure why, my dad was the same, having grown up poor in Lithuania barely enough money for food let alone gifts or cards, so perhaps I take after him.

However, being raised in America, I realize birthdays and holidays are a huge deal for many, and I actually enjoy bringing joy to others, especially my partner, on his birthday and holidays.

Even though I don't need that same attention back.

Last year, when my birthday rolled around in June, my bf and I had been dating three months.

I did not even mention to him it was my birthday, the day came and went with no acknowledgment from him, since he didn't even know.

That's how unimportant they are to me, your bf sounds the same.

Does he know how important they are to you?

Communicate.

Edit: And yeah your bf did call, later. Did he acknowledge, wish you a happy birthday then?

Try and focus on what he does give, rather than what he doesn't.

That's what I do, I am much happier that way, and in turn so is my bf!!

I usually don't realise it's my birthday until someone texts me wishing me a good one.

You went away for your birthday without him. Leaving your partner to go celebrate your birthday elsewhere, doesn't communicate that it is important for you to hear some grand birthday gesture from him, or even that it's important to you. It communicates I want to go spend my birthday with other people or I want to go hang out with my friends and family.

You're not a child whose parent didn't show up to their birthday party. I don't see what the big deal is.