Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 25

Thread: Is it normal ?

  1. #11
    Bronze Member BecxyRex's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2016
    Posts
    277
    Gender
    Female
    My fiance is similar to your boyfriend in that he doesn't care all that much about birthdays. His family never made a big deal when he was a child, whereas mine always celebrated it like it was Hanukkah. So naturally, I was thrown a bit when at first he didn't give me the celebration I felt I deserved. Wrong thinking on my end and my expectations made me miserable on my special day, instead of realizing that he just is the way he is.
    He shows me daily how much he cares by doing chores, listening to me, making me laugh, caring for our daughter, letting me bathe in the morning as long as I want and the list goes on.

    If you feel loved by your boyfriend in other ways, try not to put so much thought into these "special occasions", because not everyone feels about them the way you do. If it's highly important to you, I'm sure you could tell him how much you'd love a cupcake and a kiss first thing in the morning.

  2. #12
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Posts
    836
    Gender
    Female
    If it's important for your boyfriend to do something special for you on your birthday, communicate that to him directly and non-accusatorily. A lot of people believe the emotional myth that others should automatically know what we prefer and that if they don't do what we want, it's because they don't "love" us enough. Frankly, that line of thinking is bullsh*t. Now, if you tell him that your birthday is really special to you and that you'd like him to do XYZ and he says he will and then doesn't, you have a right to complain or be upset.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    9,355
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by j.man
    I always wait until the evenings to call my wife if she happens to be with family or friends back home during a special occasion. We see each other every day otherwise, so I don't have a problem assuming she's enjoying her time with them during the much rarer time she's got with them. Doesn't really matter if you weren't-- I don't see why he'd assume you weren't or that he didn't simply have his own hands full like he would. If you catch yourself assuming the worst of your partner, that's something to explore, but I'd try not to isolate incidents and pick petty battles.
    Just curious.
    Would you do feel the same way if it was her birthday?

    I too wouldn't intrude on someone's family time. I might not even have texted at all, rather allowing them the option of reaching out if they felt like it.
    But acknowledging a birthday would be a different thing.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,701
    He did nothing! Not even a card! I would not have been happy! He could have sent a text, as that would not interrupted your activities.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    5,352
    Gender
    Female
    I'd say it's normal for him, not necessarily normal for others. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    18
    Gender
    Female
    I think you're just over-reacting too much in this situation......

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    18
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SGH
    If it's important for your boyfriend to do something special for you on your birthday, communicate that to him directly and non-accusatorily. A lot of people believe the emotional myth that others should automatically know what we prefer and that if they don't do what we want, it's because they don't "love" us enough. Frankly, that line of thinking is bullsh*t. Now, if you tell him that your birthday is really special to you and that you'd like him to do XYZ and he says he will and then doesn't, you have a right to complain or be upset.
    Applause to you m'lady!!!!

  9. #18
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    16,070
    Like others have mentioned, I would try not to assume the worst of your boyfriend. He did call, and it sounds like ( I may be misunderstanding) he took you out to eat as well.
    If birthdays are very important to you, communicate that in a direct but kind way. Don't assume he will just know.

    It seems pretty normal to me, but then, the way I grew up birthdays were more big events for the little kids. Presents, cake, a party. Then as people got older, a 'happy birthday' and some time together, and usually getting your favorite meal has been the norm. I've never felt disappointed with that.

    When my boyfriend and I got together, he did have to let me know how celebrating his birthday in a big way was important to him. And I had to let him know how I prefer my birthday not become a national holiday with everyone called for it ;)

    Communication is key. Now I don't mind making a fuss for him. Recently celebrated his 40th and made it extra special and long - it went on a week! And in turn, he gives me what matters to me.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member IAmFCA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Age
    53
    Posts
    10,298
    Gender
    Female
    I have a friend (same gender, non romantic) for whom birthdays are a big deal. She is good at telling me its her birthday so I can get it together. In my family, we might gather several of us and have dinner, hoping to make the dinner happen in the same quarter of the calendar when the birthday happened. I mean, maybe we make it within a couple of months, maybe we don't.

    People are different. I can forget my boyfriend's birthday, and love him just as much as if I threw him a party. I have to teach myself to remember.

    Tell him what's important to you.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    21,389
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Vienna3294
    He got our daughter a gift and me nothing not tryna sound materialistic, but I mean a card would of been nice .
    Somewhere along his lifetime BF may have picked up the notion that celebrations are for kids, while adults try to downplay getting older. I'd avoid setting him up to feel guilty, but I'd also let him know that celebrating birthdays means something special to you. You can respect his wishes if he wants to keep his birthday private, but for you the opposite is true. Next year you'll want to bring him into your plans to celebrate, even if it's just with him--but you'll need to take the lead on this, because fantasizing that he'll magically transform his own vision obviously doesn't work. Why set yourself up for disappointment, when you can drive the celebration you want?

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •