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Thread: Mixed signals

  1. #1
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    Mixed signals

    I have recently been seeing a guy who I actually really like.

    We met in December but I was away for most of the year until the latter half of February when we arranged a date. We spoke via text the entire time I was abroad, and I had a really good feeling about the whole thing.

    So fast forward to my return, and the day of our date rolls around (he had a heavy night, by the time I finished work and he could get here it was getting late) so we both agreed unanimously to rearrange for the following week. The date comes round and we have a really nice time, end up having a horribly late night and we share a kiss. My heart is singing, have I really found this awesome guy without the help of internet dating or apps? Is this too good to be true?

    He texts me instantly after leaving to say he really likes me and we arrange the next date, which comes around and he cancels BUT throws a new date at me immediately and fulfils. We again have a lovely time, this time opting to go out for a meal together and then drinks at my place. He stays the night, we have lunch the next day and I feel like a loved up teenager. We arrange the next date, something comes up and he has to cancel... So I'm sure people can see at this point where this story is going. We are meant to have a date this evening and I have other people asking if I am free, and honestly I don't know what to do for the best! I really want to date this guy but his success rate for dates is currently at 50%!

    So to add a bit more backstory; I often get texts from this guy I have now been on a grand total of two dates with, and despite them both being up there with the greatest dates ever, we really have only met twice. The texts are along the lines of 'I am really glad I met you' or 'I miss you' and the like. I am wracking my brain trying to work out if this is just manipulation, conveniently timed texts to make sure I do not drop off the hook so to speak or if he is actually just that kinda person that is a little on the flaky side. He will message frequently before a 'date' to say he cannot wait to see me, last time even going so far as to set a time and a location and then to say 'I'm so sorry, something has come up and I need to be there, but I really, really wanted to see you'

    I'm willing to invest a little more than usual as I get really good vibes from this guy when I am around him, but I just cannot tell if actually we are playing mind games!

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    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    I'm a little confused. Your second (and last) date was late February. How many dates has he cancelled since then?

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    First date was about 3 weeks ago, he cancelled the subsequent date and rescheduled which he showed for. He then cancelled our last one and we are due to meet tonight, so 2 out of 4 so far. He has not confirmed today about tonight but did message me last night to say that he is so glad he met me, and that he feels a lot for me . . .soooo I don't know what to make of any of this! Maybe he is just a prize flake that does not want to be...

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    Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    So, he cancelled twice but rescheduled. Perhaps he's just a very busy guy. I'd give it a couple more dates.

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    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I would probably go out on the date tonight if he doesn't cancel, but would avoid being intimate again on this date so you're not overly investing in a flake, if that's what he is. To me, dates should only be cancelled for super important stuff like needing to take someone to the emergency room, or urgent workplace shift changes/overtime. You don't know the reasons why he cancelled, but the things I mentioned don't happen often so I'd say his free passes have been used up and if he continues the pattern of cancelling, it doesn't match with what you want in a partner so you can then walk away.

    In the future, I'd abstain from sex until you get a better picture of where things are going because it prematurely gets you more attached to the person, and to me I'd never want a mere stranger to know where I lived until achieving a comfort level that he's not a stalker or weirdo or murderer.

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    Originally Posted by Perdido1989

    He will message frequently before a 'date' to say he cannot wait to see me, last time even going so far as to set a time and a location and then to say 'I'm so sorry, something has come up and I need to be there, but I really, really wanted to see you.
    I am typically not so cynical and try to give guys the benefit of the doubt in most cases but what's quoted above sounds like a huge load of 'you know what.'

    It's too over the top; if he "really" wanted to see you, he wouldn't continue to cancel on you, period, end of. Especially on such short notice.

    I mean "something" just happened to "come up"? Please.

    I dunno, I don't fall for such over the top "lines" from guys, just be real for god's sake. I can see right through that game and its a huge turn off.

    I would speculate he is multi-dating and a better deal opened up, he says whatever he needs to to keep you in the rotation.

    Next.

    What is your gut telling you?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 03-07-2019 at 10:48 AM.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Perdido1989
    We are meant to have a date this evening and I have other people asking if I am free, and honestly I don't know what to do for the best! I really want to date this guy but his success rate for dates is currently at 50%!
    Where exactly do you stand with the supposed date tonight?

    Depending on the conversation and communication regarding this, I might just go ahead with other plans.
    If he's 50/50 like you say and you don't trust him to follow through, going ahead with other plans sends a clear message that aren't going to wait by the phone and though he may not, you do value your own time.

    Don't do it to be manipulative. If you are really getting definite offers to do something tonight and he hasn't followed up with something that sounds firm and you are thinking he may pull the rug out again, I'd make my own plans.

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    Why did you decide to have him spend the night on the second date?

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you decide to have him spend the night on the second date?
    That's my question, too?

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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Why did you decide to have him spend the night on the second date?
    Long story, but we had a really nice evening in my part of town; it got late and public transport options were limited so I offered him a place to stay. I think I need to clarify that we did not and have not had sex.

    The third date was a success, however he was an hour late. We had a really nice evening which culminated in me meeting some of his friends and oddly being introduced as his boyfriend... so I guess he is just a flake with good intentions and poor timekeeping? I suppose longer term I will just need to decide if these qualities are something that can be changed, and I do not believe in trying to change someone, or if it something that I can live with in a relationship.

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