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Thread: Mixed signals

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    When you've been with someone for awhile and you haven't seen them in a bit for whatever reason and they say they miss you, that's genuine. When a virtual stranger you've only met once or twice is feeding you those kinds of lines....it's manipulative and I'd be very very skeptical if I were you. Manipulative people can make you feel like a million bucks because they can read and mirror people incredibly well. Feels like you are instant soulmates....but....beware and proceed very carefully.

    Another thing. When someone is genuinely busy, they'll tend to talk about what's keeping them busy and share. You won't get a generic "something came up". Even if you do get a "sorry work issue must reschedule", next time you talk, they'll volunteer what that was all about either directly or indirectly by telling you what crazy things are going on at work. In other words, honest people will give you enough information about their life that you don't have to question if you are just being brushed off or if they have real problems. If you aren't getting that, chances are good that you are just one in a rotation of many and yes, being kept on the hook.

  2. #12
    Gold Member SGH's Avatar
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    Oof, anyone who referred to themselves as my "boyfriend" when we haven't had the conversation about exclusivity would be setting off my warning sensors. He's being flaky and rushing things. Likely, he is emotionally unavailable and his behavior is patterned. Be cautious.

  3. #13
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    "I do not believe in trying to change someone, or if it something that I can live with in a relationship." SMART!!!!!!!

    I wish everyone lived by those words, it would make life much easier for many on this site.

  4. #14
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    Thanks for all the replies. I am paying close attention to his behavior as I really do have my suspicions that I am one of a few. A couple of little things that do not make sense are niggling me. I have other options but as usual I seem hooked on the guy who is probably the absolute worst for me.

    He does have quite a few issues; he is a bit lost work wise and his work has him working late into the evening. The people he works with are also a terrible influence, and I honestly am not entirely sure when he actually sleeps so am not overthinking weird timed responses or lack of responses (if he cant respond I will make alternate plans elsewhere)

    I did find him calling me his boyfriend a little premature and odd, particularly with a lack of prior conversation and particularly as I know full well he is still on dating apps (we went on three dates, this is fine, we have not discussed exclusivity)

    Maybe I am enjoying the craziness too much. Maybe I will get bored of it quicker than I realize....!

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  6. #15
    Silver Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    He never canceled a date - he rescheduled. Huge difference!

    Although an hour late is bad. I'm right on time 14 out of 15 times.

    boyfreind nomenclature is a little odd before 2 months of dating.

    Other than that, things are going well. But it's early, lol

  7. #16
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    Well to finish this story; turned out he was far, far from interested.

    After the calling my boyfriend without having that discussion, and telling me how much he liked me and cared for me in the 24 hours after... he went cold. Completely and utterly. Now I barely hear from him so I guess it is obvious he was never really interested!

  8. #17
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    Ouch! Sorry. I LOL'd at your comment, "I have other options but as usual I seem hooked on the guy who is probably the absolute worst for me." So true. Why do we do this?? These guys are charming, and they make you feel the feels and that they feel the same...and they don't. Magic 8 ball is not helpful...it would be nice to have the ending to the story first.

    What struck me was your wondering about whether or not you were still "on" and whether or not you should just plan to go out with your friends due to his propensity to cancel last minute. Why didn't you confirm with him earlier in the day? If he was "iffy," you could have said, "Okay, how about we just reschedule?" You were definitely leaning in the direction of just cancelling and going out with friends, and maybe in hindsight, that's exactly what you should have done. But we don't do that...we stick to our plans and we don't want to miss that opportunity to spend time with him. Again, it's too bad we don't have a crystal ball.

    Last weekend I did that. This guy I've been seeing has a tendency to cancel. Sometimes we plan an alternate, maybe movie at home and cook or takeout, and other times there's no date...absolutely maddening when you declined other plans because of him. We had planned to go to this one particular restaurant twice before, and he cancelled. So this past weekend, with plans to go to this restaurant, I texted him a few hours before to confirm whether we were still on or not. Of course he could still bail last-minute, but as long as I knew before driving across town, that was fine by me. I had plans with my daughter, and then I could head home, run errands, or meet at the restaurant...totally fine with any outcome, though disappointment at another cancellation (which he didn't; we had a nice time). It's just how it is with this guy and something I just accept for as long as I choose to keep him around. :)

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Perdido1989
    Well to finish this story; turned out he was far, far from interested.

    After the calling my boyfriend without having that discussion, and telling me how much he liked me and cared for me in the 24 hours after... he went cold. Completely and utterly. Now I barely hear from him so I guess it is obvious he was never really interested!
    Well, if it makes you feel better, this is not uncommon. It's easy for someone to play a part for a short period of time. And it's just as easy to lose perspective when you meet someone and sparks are flying. That's why this type of reversal happens so much.

    If you don't enjoy the roller coaster of emotion, then insist on putting things into perspective as they happen. For example, how much could he possibly care about you after just a couple weeks of knowing you? Also, make it a rule to cancel unconfirmed plans.

    It feels like a total buzz-kill in the short run, but it saves a lot of grief in the long run.

  10. #19
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I am typically not so cynical and try to give guys the benefit of the doubt in most cases but what's quoted above sounds like a huge load of 'you know what.'

    It's too over the top; if he "really" wanted to see you, he wouldn't continue to cancel on you, period, end of. Especially on such short notice.

    I mean "something" just happened to "come up"? Please.

    I dunno, I don't fall for such over the top "lines" from guys, just be real for god's sake. I can see right through that game and its a huge turn off.

    I would speculate he is multi-dating and a better deal opened up, he says whatever he needs to to keep you in the rotation.

    Next.
    I am repeating my first post above for emphasis.

    To me this is simple, your BS meter needs some major fine tuning.

    I know we like give men we like the benefit of the doubt, but when a guy keeps feeding you lines such as he "can't wait" to see you blah blah, but continues to cancel last minute saying "sorry, something came up," especially so early in, that's your cue to abort mission. Unless you want what just happened to happen.

    Choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment later, and a whole lot of unnecessary bull-shyt.

    Lesson learned?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 03-16-2019 at 03:53 PM.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    I am repeating my first post above for emphasis.

    To me this is simple, your BS meter needs some major fine tuning.

    I know we like give men we like the benefit of the doubt, but when a guy keeps feeding you lines such as he "can't wait" to see you blah blah, but continues to cancel last minute saying "sorry, something came up," especially so early in, that's your cue to abort mission. Unless you want what just happened to happen.

    Choose wisely from the get go and avoid disappointment later, and a whole lot of unnecessary bull-shyt.

    Lesson learned?
    Oh I KNOW my BS meter is broken. All it takes is for a handsome man to say the right things, push the right buttons at the right time and like an idiot there I am believing everything and planning my future wedding.

    I have cried my tears, thankfully it was early enough that I won't spend too long dwelling on it...!

    Lesson learned... I really want to say yes. But I know that I am such a fool when it comes to this. I need to pay closer attention but the truth is I am such an old romantic that I so badly want to believe it all!

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