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Thread: Iím not wrong, am I?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It may be best to remain independent. Do you live together? Learn to manage and budget money better and keep your credit score in good standing, so if you need a loan a lender will offer you a good rate. This way there is no hard feelings, negotiating, etc. It's strictly business in black and white.
    Originally Posted by Miranda230
    I am a firm believer in doing whatever you can to help someone you love. I do it all the time and have done it for him many times.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I think I would be more concerned that you are still dating after 10 years vs. whether or not he wants to loan you money... and perhaps this is what is at the root of your unhappiness. At the end of the day if you have been in a relationship for 10 years maybe you think it should be at a point where he wants to take care of you? Or perhaps you made an assumption when you quit your job that he would want to and now you are resentful? Have you guys ever talked about marriage etc.?

    I don't lend money to people... sometimes for those I trust I will pay for someone's flight / hotel / concert tickets with the expectation that they pay me back (and they do because we do this for each other all the time) but this is usually the extent of it. If I do "lend" someone money it's always with an expectation that I may not get it back, so I don't put myself in a position where I lend them so much I am relying on them to repay. At the end of the day I would much rather just say "no sorry I don't lend money" and have that little sting happen up front then to do it and have a huge resentment kill the relationship.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Miranda230
    Iíve been dating my boyfriend on and off for 10 years. He is very successful and owns his own business and likes to brag about how much money he has and how successful he is. It has bothered him in the past that I show no interest in his money, so he very well knows Iím not after it. He has also said thatís heís not great at a lot of things that I need out of the relationship but he believes the best thing he has to offer is his money. Which Iíve never reaped the benefits of cuz thatís not what Iím after and he doesnít offer. Once 2 years ago I asked to borrow money and it was like pulling teeth but I eventually got it and paid it back as quickly as I could albeit slowly.
    A few months ago i quit my job and now find myself in a huge financial bind. Today I asked him if I could please borrow money, I even offered to pay interest or work it off and without even asking how much he said he wasnít comfortable with it. So I said thanx anyways. Then he decided to call me and put me through the ringer with stuff like Ďwhat did you think was gonna happen to you...í Naturally Iím very upset. Heís never there to have my back or help me out even though Iíve always done whatever I could for him with my meager earnings. This guy isnít worth my time, right?
    Well, I'm glad he's decided not to enable you. Was there a good reason why you quit your job before you secured another one? In this day and age of equal opportunity I don't agree with a chica being reliant on a mere boyfriend (of the off and on variety particularly) for her financial security.

    Don't be bitter that he's not giving you money, be grateful that he's giving you and opportunity to learn how to be financially independent.

  4. #14
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    Wow, you people are very judgemental and mustíve never made a mistake in your lives ever. Must be awesome to be so perfect. I had a job lined up at a new company but theyíre having problems with licensing and so forth. Still have the job lined up for when they sort their problems out. Sometimes things donít work out the way you want them to and how youre promised. Must be nice to always have things work out for you. My job was unsafe and causing health problems but I really do like how you people jump the gun and start pointing fingers. You must have great lives, sitting on your computers commenting on other peopleís problems. Iím sure you have successful, fulfilling relationships.
    Thank you for the responses from the people not ASSuming what is actually going here because after all, Iím sure thatís what this site is supposed to be about; help and guidance for those seeking it.

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  6. #15
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    'Wow, you people are very judgemental and mustíve never made a mistake in your lives ever. Must be awesome to be so perfect. I had a job lined up at a new company but theyíre having problems with licensing and so forth. Still have the job lined up for when they sort their problems out. Sometimes things donít work out the way you want them to and how youre promised. Must be nice to always have things work out for you. My job was unsafe and causing health problems but I really do like how you people jump the gun and start pointing fingers. You must have great lives, sitting on your computers commenting on other peopleís problems. Iím sure you have successful, fulfilling relationships.
    Thank you for the responses from the people not ASSuming what is actually going here because after all, Iím sure thatís what this site is supposed to be about; help and guidance for those seeking it.'
    _____________________________

    Miranda,

    Unfortunately the more I read here on ENA, the more I come to the conclusion that it consists of these uber-perfect 'I have always done everything right' people - a specimen of which I've YET to meet in real life. Don't take it to heart.

    IMHO, after 10 years together - in a solid relationship and not an on an off one - where two people consider themselves life partners and share everything in life as they would were they husband and wife - there should be no question of a more well-off party loaning money to the other. Actually, scratch that. Giving, not loaning. I'd be very upset if my partner of 10 years refused to help me out financially despite having the funds at his disposal. Old fashioned? Yes. Don't give a d*** - that's how I see things.

    It sounds to me as though he doesn't consider you a life partner at all...

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Miranda230
    Wow, you people are very judgemental and mustíve never made a mistake in your lives ever. Must be awesome to be so perfect. I had a job lined up at a new company but theyíre having problems with licensing and so forth. Still have the job lined up for when they sort their problems out. Sometimes things donít work out the way you want them to and how youre promised. Must be nice to always have things work out for you. My job was unsafe and causing health problems but I really do like how you people jump the gun and start pointing fingers. You must have great lives, sitting on your computers commenting on other peopleís problems. Iím sure you have successful, fulfilling relationships.
    Thank you for the responses from the people not ASSuming what is actually going here because after all, Iím sure thatís what this site is supposed to be about; help and guidance for those seeking it.
    No one here thinks they're perfect. God knows how many mistakes I've made and how many I've admitted here before giving advice.

    It's just that many of us don't see it as your boyfriends' responsibility to help you financially, specially given the "on/off" nature of the relationship and not being married (I don't know if you live together or not).

    Also you described him in your initial post that he's someone who is "on off" on the relationship for 10 years and doesn't satisfy certain emotional needs in the relationship (he admitted it) but instead says the only thing he has to offer is money. Which is why some of us think there's not a solid base here for you to count on or rely on your boyfriend to save you financially.

    Also of course bad things happen professional and financially that we're not expecting but me personally (and I've been on bad situations financially too and I've made some pretty big financial mistakes) wouldn't rely on boyfriends (specially if not a stable relationship with a life shared together consistently) to help me out. I'd try to find every other solution possible before asking my boyfriend. If you were married or living as married consistently, then I might think a bit different but still not expect anything.

    Good luck.

  8. #17
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    'If you were married or living as married consistently, then I might think a bit different but still not expect anything'

    _____________

    10 years in, YOU BET I'd expect my life partner to help me out financially as and when required - and I'd extend the same to him. Jesus people. Enough of this 'independent' c**p. Life's ABOUT A BILLION TIMES BETTER AND EASIER as part of a committed loving couple and let's please drop the PC version!!!

    Miranda: I agree that the issue here is not whether he's prepared to help you out financially but whether yours is a committed loving relationship. Based on what you posted.. I don't think it is.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately being on/off and him ripping into you with stuff such as "what did you think was gonna happen to you"...is more of a red flag than whether or not he lends you money.

    If someone is abusive or repeatedly dumps you like this independence is your best option for a happier life including meeting a better man.
    Originally Posted by Miranda230
    Iíve been dating my boyfriend on and off for 10 years. Today I asked him if I could please borrow money, I even offered to pay interest or work it off and without even asking how much he said he wasnít comfortable with it. he decided to call me and put me through the ringer. Naturally Iím very upset. Heís never there to have my back or help me out

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately being on/off and him ripping into you with stuff such as "what did you think was gonna happen to you"...is more of a red flag than whether or not he lends you money.

    If someone is abusive or repeatedly dumps you like this independence is your best option for a happier life including meeting a better man.
    ^Have to agree with this. This guy doesn't sound like a good human being in the least and despite all his bragging, you are now seeing the truth behind the facade. He'd rather tear you down so he can feel superior in his financial "prowess". I put it in quotes, because you don't necessarily know how much of that is really true. Either way, a person like that will never make a good partner.

    Anyway, I hope that this finally prompts you to get rid of him for good, close that door permanently and move forward with your life. I realize that right now you are in a scary place, but I hope that once your new job starts, it will be a happy new beginning for you. That said, just one piece of pragmatic advice - while waiting on their licensing issues, keep looking for another job just in case the licensing never comes through.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Metaltwin70
    'If you were married or living as married consistently, then I might think a bit different but still not expect anything'

    _____________

    10 years in, YOU BET I'd expect my life partner to help me out financially as and when required - and I'd extend the same to him. Jesus people. Enough of this 'independent' c**p. Life's ABOUT A BILLION TIMES BETTER AND EASIER as part of a committed loving couple and let's please drop the PC version!!!

    Miranda: I agree that the issue here is not whether he's prepared to help you out financially but whether yours is a committed loving relationship. Based on what you posted.. I don't think it is.
    She said 10 years "on/off"... which is why I thought this wasn't a stable relationship that lasted 10 years. After 10 years consistently with someone in a stable relationship yes... but 10 years on/off with a guy who says that the only thing he has to offer is money and who seems to imply he can't give her what she wants emotionally, I don't see this as a case where she can/should expect anything from him as a married person/10 years stable loving relationship living together and sharing a life would expect.

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