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Thread: Iím not wrong, am I?

  1. #1
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    Iím not wrong, am I?

    Iíve been dating my boyfriend on and off for 10 years. He is very successful and owns his own business and likes to brag about how much money he has and how successful he is. It has bothered him in the past that I show no interest in his money, so he very well knows Iím not after it. He has also said thatís heís not great at a lot of things that I need out of the relationship but he believes the best thing he has to offer is his money. Which Iíve never reaped the benefits of cuz thatís not what Iím after and he doesnít offer. Once 2 years ago I asked to borrow money and it was like pulling teeth but I eventually got it and paid it back as quickly as I could albeit slowly.
    A few months ago i quit my job and now find myself in a huge financial bind. Today I asked him if I could please borrow money, I even offered to pay interest or work it off and without even asking how much he said he wasnít comfortable with it. So I said thanx anyways. Then he decided to call me and put me through the ringer with stuff like Ďwhat did you think was gonna happen to you...í Naturally Iím very upset. Heís never there to have my back or help me out even though Iíve always done whatever I could for him with my meager earnings. This guy isnít worth my time, right?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Neither a borrower nor a lender be. I dont know who said that, it's an old line, but I think it's true. Things often go wrong when you lend money to someone. We helped our son buy a house and he was to pay us back an amount each month. He made 4 payments then stopped. It causes a lot of angst and anger when the borrower doesnt pay up. Ultimately he got a large inheritance and paid what he owed us plus some extra. It leaves a bad taste in one's mouth when things like this happen.

    Your boyfriend doesnt seem like a person who wants or likes to loan money, he's made that pretty clear. If you want to break up with him over this, then think long and hard about whether the end justifies the means. I dont plan to ever loan anyone any money again. I was also burned for $100 by a "friend" who begged me for it to take her cat to the vet. That was about 5 yrs ago and she never paid me one cent. We are no longer friends.

    I'm with your bf on this one.

  3. #3
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    I can see where youíre coming from because Iíve been burned that way as well but after all it is only money.
    I am a firm believer in doing whatever you can to help someone you love. I do it all the time and have done it for him many times.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    People have different values and notions regarding money. I am ok with lending money to friends and relatives when I can afford it. Whenever I have, it has always been returned to me. I have never borrowed money though.


    Imo, being on and off for a DECADE is proof enough that you are not in a good relationship. The fact that you view money so differently is just another sign that you are not compatible. If after 10 years you have failed to become a team, imo, it will never happen.

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  6. #5
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    What was your financial plan when you decided to quit your job?

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    He says that he's best at offering money, but doesn't. So, what exactly do you get out of this relationship and why have you stayed with him.?

    He should not be loaning you money, and why are you quitting your job without another one lined up.? That's on you.


    Why are you with him if your relationship has been on and off? That clearly shows that you are not compatible.

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    I read your other thread. He does not respect you and sounds like a jerk. Why are you with this guy?

  9. #8
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    I mean, if you've wanted to keep things very seperate all these years due to the on and off nature of the relationship, it makes sense why he wouldn't be jumping to loan you money.
    And maybe it's been good sense not sharing finances at all.

    You don't seem happy. That's reason enough to end things if you want.

  10. 03-07-2019, 12:15 AM

  11. #9
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Why is the relationship on/off?

    It's not his responsibility to lend you money when you're in financial trouble, especially because by your description of the relationship, it seem like it's not that close after 10 years. However, I think the issue here is deeper than money, as you say that the relationship is on/off for 10 years (not very solid) and you say he's not good at things important in a relationship, and he even him says the only thing he has to offer is money (what the hell?), which is something he's not even offering you (nor that he has to). So what are you getting of this relationship if you don't have the good things of a relationship with him nor even the only thing he himself admits he has to offer in a relationship?

  12. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Miranda230
    Iíve been dating my boyfriend on and off for 10 years.
    The 'on and off' thing would have told me all I needed to know about this relationship a long time ago. Either you want a committed relationship, or you don't. If not, then I'd leave finances out of this. If so, then where has the last 10 years led you with this guy?

    We never get any time back to relive over again. The guy is showing you his level of commitment, just as he has over the course of 10 years. You get to decide whether it's enough for you to settle for.

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