Dating &Business mixing

If you are a business owner would you hire your significant other to work for you if they were looking for employment in that exact field ? Or would you rather hire someone whom you don't know ?

I'm in this situation now. I am switching careers and the career I'm aiming for is exactly the business my current boyfriend is in. He is looking for 2 employees. So I ran this by him but he will not hire me due to pleasure vs business rule in his mind. I keep going around seeking employment but nothing has happened yet. I see it as a win win if he hired me. I need a job in that field and he needs a reliable worker. He doesn't see it this way.

What does everyone think about hiring a

s/o . Like I said he owns the business.

I would never hire friends, family or significant others to work for me or with me. In fact I avoid even referring them at the company I work for now. I have very clear professional boundaries with the people I work with and having a friend/family/so there would make that much more difficult.

I presume it's this same man:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552787

He said some pretty harsh things to you according to what you posted in that thread.

If he's already said he wouldn't hire you , and you know how he feels about your earning potential, do you think you can somehow change his mind? And why would you want to? Sounds like he'd be a tyrant to work for.

I own a small business and I would never hire family or friends. My daughter runs her own massage therapy clinic and wanted to hire someone to answer the phone, do a bit of computer entry, do the laundry and some cleaning. About 15 hours a week. Another RMT in her clinic suggested his girlfriend would be a good fit. Daughter discussed the job with this girl, the boyfriend said he'd stay out of it, that it was between daughter and this girl. Well this guy stuck his nose in where it wasnt wanted or needed, the girl wanted to change the hours, the guy decided the girl would be the Office Manager when really it's basic clerical work, and it's not up to him, my daughter owns the business. Lots of arguments happened, daughter did not hire the girl in the end, people are angry. None of this should or would have happened if daughter had hired a stranger off the street.

I am not a business owner but I would never want to work in a friend's or partner's business. Imo, it would be a recipe for disaster.

I presume it's this same man:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552787

 

He said some pretty harsh things to you according to what you posted in that thread.

 

If he's already said he wouldn't hire you , and you know how he feels about your earning potential, do you think you can somehow change his mind? And why would you want to? Sounds like he'd be a tyrant to work for.

You said he didn't care about you as a person and only cared about your income. Why are you still with him? You seem fundamentally compatible.

As to him not hiring you, I wouldn't hire/want to work with boyfriends, friends or family, it usually doesn't work well. Things get can messy when people date co-workers. Why get into that? It'd be one thing if it was a big company and you'd be working in a different location from your boyfriend and never worked with you nor was involved in any way, but that doesn't seem the case, it feels to me that he'd be directly involved.

Both are a very bad idea. Applying for a job with a bf/gf or hiring a bf/gf. Look elsewhere and do not go through him. He does not owe you a job. Immediately stop pressuring him with your sales pitch dressed up as 'win-win'. It's a nightmare for you as much as for him.

Get your resume together, set up an excellent LinkedIn profile and put some effort into finding a job rather than expecting a bf to just hand you one. Stand on your own two feet and your own credentials.

I am switching careers and the career I'm aiming for is exactly the business my current boyfriend is in. I ran this by him but he will not hire me due to pleasure vs business rule in his mind. I see it as a win win if he hired me.He doesn't see it this way.

I've never owned a business and honestly if a position opened in my place of work where I would be working closely with a friend it would not be my first choice (obviously she could apply if she knew about it) - I just wouldn't want to mix that way. I actually did think of applying for a job at my husband's company, way back but we would have had minimal contact -totally different departments and any contact would have been random/indirect. We would never want to supervise each other in any formal work. We help each other with our related work and I certainly would work with him informally for various reasons but never in a formal way. And we work well together just wouldn't risk it as a formal matter. Also he is just your boyfriend so if you break up -which is more likely in your situation than a divorce (and with a divorce you'd probably own part of the business, etc) then what?

It's up to your boyfriend. He gets to run his business the way he wants to run his business. It's his show.

Can business owners hire family and/or friends and remain successful?

Sure.

My boyfriend's family owns a business, and four of his immediate family members, including himself, work there. It's been a successful business for more than 25 years.

I currently work for a mid-sized family-run business. A father, his two sons, and a fourth partner who is not a member of the family. That business has been successful for 40 years.

However, in this latter scenario, I do see some circumstances where the hiring of friends is becoming an issue.

I presume it's this same man:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=552787

 

He said some pretty harsh things to you according to what you posted in that thread.

 

If he's already said he wouldn't hire you , and you know how he feels about your earning potential, do you think you can somehow change his mind? And why would you want to? Sounds like he'd be a tyrant to work for.

If it's the same guy, there's no way I'd be dating him much less working for him. If it's not the same guy, I'd avoid working for him to avoid creating the same kind of friction that can transfer from job to home or home to job. That could turn into 24 hour misery that follows wherever you go.

It's up to your boyfriend. He gets to run his business the way he wants to run his business. It's his show.

 

Can business owners hire family and/or friends and remain successful?

 

Sure.

 

My boyfriend's family owns a business, and four of his immediate family members, including himself, work there. It's been a successful business for more than 25 years.

 

I currently work for a mid-sized family-run business. A father, his two sons, and a fourth partner who is not a member of the family. That business has been successful for 40 years.

 

However, in this latter scenario, I do see some circumstances where the hiring of friends is becoming an issue.

Yes good point! My friend's daughter is married to a guy who worked for the family business starting at age 14. He's now 25. Last year there were huge disagreements and he has now started a competing business with one of his brothers. It's been very rough going including legal drama too. I am not at all judging his family business or his decision to work there (after all he was basically a kid) but it's an example of it being far more dramatic if things go sour.

Maybe your boyfriend knows others in the business who are looking to hire?

Thanks for all your opinions so far and examples. I can see your point of view and how it could cause tension.

I am switching careers so I was seeing it as a good thing to try it out in my boyfriend's company. If it works well and the career path was for me, I'd go onto another company. I figured it was best to learn under him. He's a good boss. Before I fully commit to this field, I wanted to gain my skill there. And maybe it would be great and he'd see this as good.

He won't try it though. He's totally against it so I will continue to look for a job elsewhere. I'm applying for jobs in companies just like his and he knows.

Thanks for all your opinions so far and examples. I can see your point of view and how it could cause tension.

 

I am switching careers so I was seeing it as a good thing to try it out in my boyfriend's company. If it works well and the career path was for me, I'd go onto another company. I figured it was best to learn under him. He's a good boss. Before I fully commit to this field, I wanted to gain my skill there. And maybe it would be great and he'd see this as good.

 

He won't try it though. He's totally against it so I will continue to look for a job elsewhere. I'm applying for jobs in companies just like his and he knows.

I don't know if this matters,but he has hired friends of friends,cousins, a brother of another current employee, and his own sister at one point. So it's not that he won't hire anyone close. He actually only hires people who were referred to him but when it comes to me,he won't hire me. I guess because we are dating. But that's the annoying part. He doesn't hire full blown strangers.

Mandee, he is your boyfriend. To even consider working for him, which would make him your "employer," is a massively absurd idea. Not quite sure what you're thinking.

I mean just think about what having him as your direct boss/superior would mean?

Performance evaluations, salary increases, criticisms if/when making a mistake, just to name a few! Your relationship would never survive that, guarantee.

Frankly, given all the issues you've experienced with him over the years, I cannot believe you're still dating him, but that's your business.

But w/r/t working for him, in an employer/employee situation -- again not quite sure what you're thinking, really really bad idea!

I would not do this because if anything happens in the relationship, you could lose your job - even if its by your doing because the dynamic gets weird. He could also treat you less fairly because he wants to not be seen as playing favorites. You could also be reluctant to leave the relationship if you needed to because of your job. Hiring a brother is different. It is not a conditional relationship. Hiring friends - if the friend is honestly qualified and especially if they are not a close friend -- it changes the dynamic of the friendship. But then again, a friend is not sleeping with the boss.

I *did* work for/with an ex and would advise against it completely. I would say we stayed together to keep things going in the business and then things got better between us, and then when he left me i was not only out of a job, but no one in the area in that business would hire me because who knows if i was actually qualified - it made it look like i wasn't due to our relationship and he badmouthed me. I would find a job on my own. If one day you marry, and have experience in the field at that point, maybe you run it as a family business, but if you decide the relationship ultimately must end, you are not stuck with two losses. Also, did you change fields partly because he was in that field?

I have owned two businesses. One with my mom in my 20’s. She “pushed “ huge that she was the major partner and I got shafted all the time.

I own a business now and hired my best friend. We have no issues whatsoever. But she is very aware this is my business. It has not interfered with our friendship so far.

Would I work with my husband? A thousand times , NOPE. He is far too frustrating in that aspect. I would have to kill him.

Would I work for an abusive SO? Hell, no. Usually working for or with family or friends is an unmitigated disaster.

This makes perfect sense for him as well as you. Since he said no, all you can do is the much better option of finding other opportunities.

Ihe won't hire me. I guess because we are dating.

I own two companies, and have over the two decades, hired over 7 friends, currently work with some family, and hired other family friends, and friend's recommendations successfully. They all go through an interview process, and the job is only given if they a great fit. We don't just give a job to anyone. And it works well because they work in a department someone else is managing.

Have your boyfriend as a direct supervisor or one above, EEEEKKKK.

Especially bad idea if this is a new career path for you - don't learn from him - he can be a resource as you learn elsewhere -way too much of a burden/situation to impose on him. My husband didn't even teach me how to drive and he is type B lol (yes, he helped me a LOT but we left it to professional instructors including when it came time for me to take the road test). I agree with your boyfriend's decision wholeheartedly.

The other aspect of this - what keeps many relationships intersting is having something to talk about at the end of the day -- to have had time apart. If you are working together and coming home together etc..it may be a bit much.

You said he didn't care about you as a person and only cared about your income. Why are you still with him? You seem fundamentally compatible.

 

As to him not hiring you, I wouldn't hire/want to work with boyfriends, friends or family, it usually doesn't work well. Things get can messy when people date co-workers. Why get into that? It'd be one thing if it was a big company and you'd be working in a different location from your boyfriend and never worked with you nor was involved in any way, but that doesn't seem the case, it feels to me that he'd be directly involved.

I can't edit now but I meant "fundamentally incompatible" lol

It's up to your boyfriend. He gets to run his business the way he wants to run his business. It's his show.

 

Can business owners hire family and/or friends and remain successful?

 

Sure.

 

My boyfriend's family owns a business, and four of his immediate family members, including himself, work there. It's been a successful business for more than 25 years.

 

I currently work for a mid-sized family-run business. A father, his two sons, and a fourth partner who is not a member of the family. That business has been successful for 40 years.

 

However, in this latter scenario, I do see some circumstances where the hiring of friends is becoming an issue.

I think that working with close friends and family can be tricky but in some cases it's manageable but working with a romantic partner doesn't seem healthy to me, especially when the partner is the boss. It can not only exhaust the relationship (24h a day together and no breathing room nor much to talk about outside work since they're always together) but also create a bad relationship with other co-workers who might feel the OP is treated differently or has more privileged for being the boss's girlfriend. It can also make the OP resent the boyfriend if he's harsh with her or does something she doesn't agree at work and then she has to take that resentment home and into the relationship.

Working close/being subordinate to a romantic partner brings strain to both their relationship but also to the relationship with co-workers which is very important because working in a bad work environment where your colleagues don't see you as one of them is not good at all.

I don't know if this matters,but he has hired friends of friends,cousins, a brother of another current employee, and his own sister at one point. So it's not that he won't hire anyone close. He actually only hires people who were referred to him but when it comes to me,he won't hire me. I guess because we are dating. But that's the annoying part. He doesn't hire full blown strangers.

Yes but his cousins and friends aren't sleeping with him nor in a romantic relationship with him.

I think that working with close friends and family can be tricky but in some cases it's manageable but working with a romantic partner doesn't seem healthy to me, especially when the partner is the boss. It can not only exhaust the relationship (24h a day together and no breathing room nor much to talk about outside work since they're always together) but also create a bad relationship with other co-workers who might feel the OP is treated differently or has more privileged for being the boss's girlfriend.

Different things work for different people. My boyfriends dad and stepmom work together, and have done so the whole time they've been in business. All different configurations can work.

Bottom line is, OP's boyfriend gets to make the decision, not her.