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Thread: Dating &Business mixing

  1. #21
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    The other aspect of this - what keeps many relationships intersting is having something to talk about at the end of the day -- to have had time apart. If you are working together and coming home together etc..it may be a bit much.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    You said he didn't care about you as a person and only cared about your income. Why are you still with him? You seem fundamentally compatible.

    As to him not hiring you, I wouldn't hire/want to work with boyfriends, friends or family, it usually doesn't work well. Things get can messy when people date co-workers. Why get into that? It'd be one thing if it was a big company and you'd be working in a different location from your boyfriend and never worked with you nor was involved in any way, but that doesn't seem the case, it feels to me that he'd be directly involved.
    I can't edit now but I meant "fundamentally incompatible" lol

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    It's up to your boyfriend. He gets to run his business the way he wants to run his business. It's his show.

    Can business owners hire family and/or friends and remain successful?

    Sure.

    My boyfriend's family owns a business, and four of his immediate family members, including himself, work there. It's been a successful business for more than 25 years.

    I currently work for a mid-sized family-run business. A father, his two sons, and a fourth partner who is not a member of the family. That business has been successful for 40 years.

    However, in this latter scenario, I do see some circumstances where the hiring of friends is becoming an issue.
    I think that working with close friends and family can be tricky but in some cases it's manageable but working with a romantic partner doesn't seem healthy to me, especially when the partner is the boss. It can not only exhaust the relationship (24h a day together and no breathing room nor much to talk about outside work since they're always together) but also create a bad relationship with other co-workers who might feel the OP is treated differently or has more privileged for being the boss's girlfriend. It can also make the OP resent the boyfriend if he's harsh with her or does something she doesn't agree at work and then she has to take that resentment home and into the relationship.

    Working close/being subordinate to a romantic partner brings strain to both their relationship but also to the relationship with co-workers which is very important because working in a bad work environment where your colleagues don't see you as one of them is not good at all.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mandeelove
    I don't know if this matters,but he has hired friends of friends,cousins, a brother of another current employee, and his own sister at one point. So it's not that he won't hire anyone close. He actually only hires people who were referred to him but when it comes to me,he won't hire me. I guess because we are dating. But that's the annoying part. He doesn't hire full blown strangers.
    Yes but his cousins and friends aren't sleeping with him nor in a romantic relationship with him.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I think that working with close friends and family can be tricky but in some cases it's manageable but working with a romantic partner doesn't seem healthy to me, especially when the partner is the boss. It can not only exhaust the relationship (24h a day together and no breathing room nor much to talk about outside work since they're always together) but also create a bad relationship with other co-workers who might feel the OP is treated differently or has more privileged for being the boss's girlfriend.
    Different things work for different people. My boyfriends dad and stepmom work together, and have done so the whole time they've been in business. All different configurations can work.

    Bottom line is, OP's boyfriend gets to make the decision, not her.

  7. #26
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    Could it possibly be if the relatonship is not working out or there are problems, that even subconciously, you want to work with him to be "needed" or to hang on in some way so he won't let you go?

  8. #27
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    I think there is a big difference between working "with" your bf (as co-workers) and working "for" your boyfriend in an employee/employer situation -- him being your direct superior, your boss, who has control over your job duties, your workload, your schedule, your performance evaluations, your salary including salary increases, etc.

    I know couples who work "with" each other too, as co-workers, and it works.

    Mandee, I have to ask, does the idea of working "for" him, him being your direct superior, your boss, turn you on?

    Your previous threads have suggested a power imbalance in your relationship, him dom, you sub.

    On a long flight, him purchasing a ticket for you in coach while he enjoyed the luxuries of first class is one example, but there are many others.

    Not judging at all, just wondering and asking -- if your wanting to work "under" him as his subordinate (which is what you'd be) is a turn on for you on some level.

    Cause frankly I can't think of a more absurd idea, assumimg you want your relationship to last.

    You said there are only 4-5 people in the whole company? How do you think your co-workers would feel knowing the boss's girlfriend is one of their co-workers?

    The discomfort and possible resentment that might cause?
    Last edited by katrina1980; 03-08-2019 at 10:42 AM.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Could it possibly be if the relatonship is not working out or there are problems, that even subconciously, you want to work with him to be "needed" or to hang on in some way so he won't let you go?
    The reason i say this is because i was guilty of this myself - of diving deeper into the business aspect when things were shaky the first time instead of just leaving because i felt it was a way i could prove my worth

  10. #29
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    The reason i say this is because i was guilty of this myself - of diving deeper into the business aspect when things were shaky the first time instead of just leaving because i felt it was a way i could prove my worth
    I was wondering something similar. If the OP is looking to change careers as either a conscious or subconscious effort to become more of a part of his world and also to feel more like his equal. However, her endeavor is being firmly rebuffed. On the one hand I understand completely why he'd refuse to hire his SO, I wouldn't do it either. On the other hand, I wonder if he likes the imbalance and a bit of distance and so has zero desire for her to actually succeed in her quest. Not suggesting that he'd stand in her way, only that he won't lift a finger to help her either.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    I was wondering something similar. If the OP is looking to change careers as either a conscious or subconscious effort to become more of a part of his world and also to feel more like his equal. However, her endeavor is being firmly rebuffed. On the one hand I understand completely why he'd refuse to hire his SO, I wouldn't do it either. On the other hand, I wonder if he likes the imbalance and a bit of distance and so has zero desire for her to actually succeed in her quest. Not suggesting that he'd stand in her way, only that he won't lift a finger to help her either.
    According to the thread I linked previously, she wrote that he is basically contemptuous of her career and earning potential. If you look at Mandee's posting history, this relationship has been full of disrespect from the boyfriend's end. I think they only reason he would choose to hire her is to have the opportunity to put her down even more.

    Mandee, I'm glad you are pursuing other jobs.

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