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Thread: LDR ex completely abandoned me for a new guy

  1. #1
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    LDR ex completely abandoned me for a new guy

    Title is what it seems like. I can never tell for sure.

    Basically, we were really good friends for 2 years. Best friends for about a year. We would go on 30 day call streaks of about 8 hours a day before we even met each other. I admitted I started loving her, so did she. We met up, and hit it off. When I came back from that trip, we decided to start a relationship together.

    It was great in my eyes. But she broke up with me a little bit over 2 months later. Sounds short, but we have more history together than that. I was very understanding of her reasons for the breakup. Not once did I argue it, or fight back.

    Basically, that I can't speak her language (and that nobody around her speaks English) makes it really hard. I couldn't communicate with her family, or with her kid properly. And yeah, it sucked. But I was working on learning the language. And she knew about this stuff before starting the relationship too.

    Anyways, 3 weeks after the breakup, I stayed over for a week. I already had the tickets, and she said she didn't mind me coming. She also said that she'd like to become friends again after she broke up with me.

    I stayed over, and the first 2.5 days were amazing.. just like old times. She even more or less told me this. But after that, she started acting very on and off. Sometimes so cuddly with me, and sometimes oh so distant, completely ignoring me.

    I didn't understand it, but I thought she found it difficult seeing me so fast after the breakup. It's safe to say we did some couple stuff when I was over, but we didn't see each other naked.

    However, one morning I was laying next to her, and she was browsing her phone, watching memes. I was watching her phone, she knew that. She went to WhatsApp and I saw a glance of a person saying "I love you" to her. I confronted her, saying "If you're seeing someone else, that's fine with me. But then I wouldn't be here cuddling with you like nothing's up". First she acted very defensive, but then calmed down and said "No it's not [person I said I thought it was], and even if someone says that he loves me, doesn't mean it is mutual." In this same conversation she also said she still likes me.

    The last day I was over she got mad over some stupid , left me completely alone on my very last day over there. Made me feel like complete . Next morning we walked to my train. I didn't say a thing. She gave me a goodbye hug, and that was it.

    On my way home I asked her some questions over WhatsApp. She basically said "I needed distance since we're not together anymore that changed a lot in my mentality.". She also stressed again that she still likes me.

    I responded to that message, but she didn't reply for hours. I was done with her, I told her that right now I can't be friends with someone who treats me like this. I blocked her, from everywhere. For a month. I knew it wasn't going to be permanent.

    One month later I text her, and she says she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. 2 weeks later, I find out she's in a relationship, and yes, it was the guy who said I love you to her.

    She has known this person before. They played some games together, I didn't think much of it. She can speak to anyone she wants. Me and that guy have been in the same call multiple times.

    I have a feeling she left me for him, or he is her rebound. But that she has been so cold towards me shocks me. I will not contact her anymore, unless she contacts me. We didn't fight a lot at all, and we actually had a really good relationship AND break-up.

    I need some advice on how this all probably came to be. Is it likely this guy is a rebound? I saw the "I love you" text about 3 weeks after the breakup. I can't imagine stuff hasn't been going on before that. Is it really easy for someone to grow so cold this easily after a breakup? Before I went over, she was still really sweet to me. And the first two days as well. It feels like something changed. And yes, they did talk to each other while I was there on the phone. She said he felt bad because of "family issues".

    I'm a mess right now, trying to move on. Any help will make me so happy. Do I want to get back with her? Probably not. Do I want her to contact me? Yes. It's weird. I'm sorry for the long text.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by MisterMime93
    We would go on 30 day call streaks of about 8 hours a day before we even met each other..
    Question: If there was a language barrier, how did you talk on the phone for so long???

    I think you deserve better, she has moved on and sometimes this happens in life. Do you want to be waiting around for someone like this, when you could find someone who could love you back like you deserve?

    She obviously doesn't respect you, harsh as it is, to be opening "i love you' messages from someone else whilst in bed with you, knowing you could potentially see. Talk about brazen!

    Time to toughen up and move on, you deserve so much better than this dude.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by jellybean2018
    Question: If there was a language barrier, how did you talk on the phone for so long???

    I think you deserve better, she has moved on and sometimes this happens in life. Do you want to be waiting around for someone like this, when you could find someone who could love you back like you deserve?

    She obviously doesn't respect you, harsh as it is, to be opening "i love you' messages from someone else whilst in bed with you, knowing you could potentially see. Talk about brazen!

    Time to toughen up and move on, you deserve so much better than this dude.
    Hey, the language barrier was between me and everyone around her, but she spoke English fluently.

    I really wonder why she doesn't appreciate me after the times we've shared. And I never even begged her back once or did stuff like that.

    She didn't open it on purpose. She wanted to click on something, a meme I think, but the guy messaged her something else right as she wanted to click on the meme. That made her click on the chat, in which I saw the "I love you" text. She tried to hide the chat as quickly as possible. And afterwards tried to cover it up with words. It must be noted that he sent her like 6 texts in a row and she didn't send anything. Then again, I was over at hers so it must've been hard to text each other. I don't even know why she let me come. And why she was so nice the first few days.

    I know I deserve better.. it's just, I can't understand how she can just move on like this. I really can't. And I want to understand.
    Last edited by MisterMime93; 03-07-2019 at 12:11 AM.

  4. #4
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    How much time did you actually spend in person together, before she broke up with you?

    It sounds to me as though she did in fact leave you for this other guy, and that is the real reason she ended your relationship. But I have to wonder how feasible the relationship really was: you evidently live quite far apart and she has a child who does not speak English, which I imagine would make it difficult for her to move to you. Given that you don't speak her native tongue either, I would be concerned that a hypothetical move to her area would also be very difficult for you. Finally, if you were spending 8 hours a day on the phone - when did either of you have time to work?

    Perhaps it's better that you two part ways, regardless of another guy being in the picture. The logistics aren't conducive to something very long-term.

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  6. #5
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    You cannot explain other humans behaviour, it drives you crazy. I know I have driven myself crazy trying to understand others...

    Bjorks human behaviour lyrics always make me chuckle and might help you in this situation:

    Lyrics
    If you ever get close to a human
    And human behavior
    Be ready, be ready to get confused
    There's definitely, definitely, definitely no logic
    To human behavior
    But yet so, yet so irresistible
    And there's no map
    They're terribly moody
    And human behavior
    Then all of a sudden turn happy
    But, oh, to get involved in the exchange
    Of human emotions
    Is ever so, ever so satisfying
    Oh oh, and there's no map
    Human behavior, human
    Human, human behavior, human
    Human, human behavior, human
    Human behavior, human
    And there's no map
    And the compass
    Wouldn't help at all
    Human behavior, human, human
    Human behavior, human
    Human behavior, human
    Human behavior

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    How much time did you actually spend in person together, before she broke up with you?

    It sounds to me as though she did in fact leave you for this other guy, and that is the real reason she ended your relationship. But I have to wonder how feasible the relationship really was: you evidently live quite far apart and she has a child who does not speak English, which I imagine would make it difficult for her to move to you. Given that you don't speak her native tongue either, I would be concerned that a hypothetical move to her area would also be very difficult for you. Finally, if you were spending 8 hours a day on the phone - when did either of you have time to work?

    Perhaps it's better that you two part ways, regardless of another guy being in the picture. The logistics aren't conducive to something very long-term.
    In person we spent about 15 full days together before she broke up with me.

    We live 750km apart, and I was trying my best to learn the language. You can't really blame me for not knowing it yet, and she knew this all way before she started the relationship with me. But I agree that it wasn't very feasible. However I believed with enough hard work, we could make it work. The plan was that by June I would move to her place for half a year, and follow an apprenticeship there. She didn't have the time and ability to come to me, also because of her kid.

    She worked to 4, got home, and then we called over the phone until we went to sleep, and even then we stayed on the phone. Until the next morning, when she had to work or I had to go to school again. I'm only 19, she's 22. I'm still studying, she is working.

    I agree with you that odds were against the relationship. But she knew that, so why did she start it in the first place? Also, it took us 1.5 years to build this up, how can she build something up with this new guy in a month and replace me? And how on Earth can she be so cold to me, that's what surprises me the most.

  8. #7
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    How old are you?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by chitown9
    How old are you?
    I am 19 years old.

  10. #9
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    I know this hurts a lot, but LDR where people cannot meet in person often rarely work out. I don't think it'd have worked you leaving everything to live with her either. It seems like you were more into this than her and that she simply met a local guy and checked out of this online relationship. In time as you heal and stop feeling the emptiness of not talking to her everyday all day. you'll probably realise it was the best for you. Next time it's better to focus on local girls.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Annia
    I know this hurts a lot, but LDR where people cannot meet in person often rarely work out. I don't think it'd have worked you leaving everything to live with her either. It seems like you were more into this than her and that she simply met a local guy and checked out of this online relationship. In time as you heal and stop feeling the emptiness of not talking to her everyday all day. you'll probably realise it was the best for you. Next time it's better to focus on local girls.
    We met up about a week every month. It definitely wouldn't have been smart to give everything up to live with her. The guy she met isn't really local, he also lives quite far away, ~2 hours. But he does live in the same country. On many things, he is similar to me.

    I'll definitely focus on local girls. Just can't imagine how easy it was for her to completely abandon me. Not just break up, but to act the way she did.

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