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Thread: Divorce PTSD Break up Nightmare

  1. #1

    Divorce PTSD Break up Nightmare

    Hello
    So Iíve been dating this guy for 18 months. He was wonderful and loving when we met. Anyway heís separated from his soon to be ex wife and signed the divorce papers just recently (he always was separated we werenít an affair or anything). Anyway in the last 10 months he changed. He became cold and hard on me the more she became vindictive. Heís got ptsd and struggles mentally and sheís been playing on his illness and pulling on his heart strings and then throwing him away and then trying to reel him in again. Heís mentally heading for a break down and heís telling me he doesnít know what to do. I know he should stop speaking to her and cut the cord but he just canít let it lie. He tried to make the marriage work twice. But he said he had moved on but I really am beginning to believe he hasnít. He says he doesnít want her back but if she manipulated him in the right way I am not sure what he would do.
    What should I do. Do I stand by him and try to help. Do I let him go in the hope he comes back to me. I love him. This is truly soul destroying
    Someone please help.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    It sounds like he hasn't fully let go of his ex and is processing a lot of anger and resentment right now. Do you really want to be involved with someone that has all that drama going on with their ex?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member SGH's Avatar
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    This is a very unhealthy situation. Why have you been waiting around for this man to sort out his life and decide is he wants his ex-wife back or not? It sounds like you've been a bit of a doormat, letting this guy do whatever he pleases. You should let him go and find someone unattached who is actually focused on you!

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    If he hasnít let go of his old relationship you need to walk, PTSD or not. Not that I donít understand PTSD as Iíve had it for more than three decades . But you will never have a happy relationship while sheís in it and that is his doing. Heís not done with the old baggage so itís time to go .

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately he's angry, bitter, in the throes of divorce and blames his ex. He is not ready to date, no less be in a relationship. You won't fix or change him by being his punching bag, second best, etc. Do not play therapist, mother, divorce-coach, etc. Run. You are seeing the real him now.
    Originally Posted by Deimxmoan
    He became cold and hard on me. heís telling me he doesnít know what to do.

  7. #6
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    I would let him go. He was not legally free to date when you met him and has never had time to work through his divorce emotionally because you have been there as a distraction. Step away from him. After taking appropriate time for healing and reflection, date men who are single/not living with anyone/not recently broken up or divorced but not recently.

    If one day he sorts things out and in a year or seven you run into eachother and he is in a good place mentally and is on the other side of this, its another story -- but save your sanity and walk away

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    As long as someone has any emotional attachment to someone else, consider them unavailable.

  9. #8
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    Let him go.


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