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Divorce PTSD Break up Nightmare


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Hello

So I’ve been dating this guy for 18 months. He was wonderful and loving when we met. Anyway he’s separated from his soon to be ex wife and signed the divorce papers just recently (he always was separated we weren’t an affair or anything). Anyway in the last 10 months he changed. He became cold and hard on me the more she became vindictive. He’s got ptsd and struggles mentally and she’s been playing on his illness and pulling on his heart strings and then throwing him away and then trying to reel him in again. He’s mentally heading for a break down and he’s telling me he doesn’t know what to do. I know he should stop speaking to her and cut the cord but he just can’t let it lie. He tried to make the marriage work twice. But he said he had moved on but I really am beginning to believe he hasn’t. He says he doesn’t want her back but if she manipulated him in the right way I am not sure what he would do.

What should I do. Do I stand by him and try to help. Do I let him go in the hope he comes back to me. I love him. This is truly soul destroying

Someone please help.

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This is a very unhealthy situation. Why have you been waiting around for this man to sort out his life and decide is he wants his ex-wife back or not? It sounds like you've been a bit of a doormat, letting this guy do whatever he pleases. You should let him go and find someone unattached who is actually focused on you!

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If he hasn’t let go of his old relationship you need to walk, PTSD or not. Not that I don’t understand PTSD as I’ve had it for more than three decades . But you will never have a happy relationship while she’s in it and that is his doing. He’s not done with the old baggage so it’s time to go .

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Unfortunately he's angry, bitter, in the throes of divorce and blames his ex. He is not ready to date, no less be in a relationship. You won't fix or change him by being his punching bag, second best, etc. Do not play therapist, mother, divorce-coach, etc. Run. You are seeing the real him now.

He became cold and hard on me. he’s telling me he doesn’t know what to do.
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I would let him go. He was not legally free to date when you met him and has never had time to work through his divorce emotionally because you have been there as a distraction. Step away from him. After taking appropriate time for healing and reflection, date men who are single/not living with anyone/not recently broken up or divorced but not recently.

 

If one day he sorts things out and in a year or seven you run into eachother and he is in a good place mentally and is on the other side of this, its another story -- but save your sanity and walk away

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